Rah Times

He said, later! We’d be together, After he’s finished, With his chosen wife; Is all old and grey, Muscle soft and shrinking. After I accomplish a few things, Is sorrowful and muddled up in my thinking. Then he’d look my way. Until then, no need to see or hear from me. Whatever it is, I need handle it alone. At the moment, I am simply an inconvenience. Once the world gets to know me, Then he and I can be together, Because then I would be worth having.

I’ve been talking to the wrong person And although that was true. I chose to continue to share my fears and beliefs. Because I still loved in the face of unbelief. I’ve been talking to the wrong person While deep down in my soul, I knew it. But I kept hoping, for I wanted him to be The right person, and chose to stand with me. I’ve been talking to the wrong person. Sharing all my secret and griefs. Even after, I could see, He was not the one Who loved and cared for me, I kept talking to him. For as my heartached, I thought that some how, He'd listen and try to help me out, but not now. I've been talking to the wrong person. I have no doubt, I blew it, but kept talking And talking, I knew it and did it any how.

I do not know which of us is capable of living in constant bombardment; neither do I know of anyone that would consider a person who turns a blind eye to one’s sufferings as being a lover of them. There was a time when I was deceived by men’s flirtatious acts towards me, but soon came to realize that flirtation was not love. As I slowly fell apart from the situations I constantly found myself in and reached out to them for help, and as individuals ignored me, the truth became crystal clear. As I cry out to my God, He listened, but ignored me, I knew neither was I his priority. It grieved me, not them, for words can never impart the extent of my suffering to anyone. I keep asking myself, how I can ever find it in my heart to forgive. If my days ever changes how could I forget my own pain and sufferings. How could I forget that as I asked, all they did was ignored and turn a blind eye. Have I not learned from all I suffered? What kind of love or beauty is there to be found in any of

I’ve seen and read about my son. There was no mention of his father. Reflecting on his light colored eyes, The identity of his father remains a mystery to me. As I consider the swells that surge within my chest, And the overwhelming grief rejection brought to me, Even more so, I am confused as to his father's identity Who will I forgive, welcome back in my life? I’m afraid it is not the one that I was told was Father. Suddenly; I grasp his lack of care for me, his unwillingness. My pride, my hurt which would prevent me from now choosing him. But how could I after he has displayed such disregard for me? He prefers to hear of my destruction than extend a hand to me. Gladly I would lick my wounds than embrace him as a possibility. Considering, what I have stood for, would I again sacrifice myself. Yet, I fear that I must, for there is another, I despise even more than he.

My son officially became an eagle scout yesterday. My hope for him is that he may continue to be a leader among his peers.

When I looked at you, You appeared the way I thought you were to me. Perfect! I watched you, As you smiled While you talked with me, And I thought, how perfect! As you walked within my view, I saw how graceful you were. Then, I also thought, you were perfect. The one I wish I could rescue, Came to rescue me. Clarifying what I knew, your love Could never be more perfect.

Jerusalem has stumbled! The angel, not the City has fallen, After being subjected to bombardment. She lays scattered among the ashes. Who can pick her up, glue her together? There is not one, none can gather her. Jerusalem is now totally abandoned! What did she do? She has come undone. Along with her beliefs and point of views. Where and what is her concerns? Where is her pride, is she not an angel? What is she so afraid and ashamed of? Certainly could not be his actions, But hers that took her to that place. Not him, but her that's now being evaluated. Get up righteous angel and leave us alone. Or have you not learned, we live by our own rules. What need we do to show you? Heaven or earth does not care for or about you.

It is all within me, Inside every little girl on this planet. The fairy tale love affair. I hold my breath afraid if I exhale, I would let go of my dream, with that I keep it in. I do not want to lose the love; I wish I had with you. All I wanted to know was the comfort That should have come from being with you. Not any other tale, I’m afraid to exhale. I want to freely breathe. For life to be much easier each day. To get to expression my passion. And not be afraid to exhale. I want to hold you, be with you for always. Right now, that is only my longings. As, I lie in bed at night not knowing if we are alright. Wish I knew the precise moment When my fairy tale love would no longer be a dream.

My tired aging frame shrunk. My fatigue spirit long for another. Maintained high hopes that The body in which it dwells Would hold on as though still capable. Nature and age fights against me. I remain sure but uncertain in the silence. I cast my mind to another, for he remains Near to my heart and as far from me as one could be. I envisioned our son as he closed his tired eyes. Peacefully he rest, I wish to be there at that moment. For my now are far more painful than any other times. Though I have struggled through a few, that one was a relief. I could not have imagined that for it did not occur to me, I needed to rest not to create a figment of triumph, for soon that moment will be.

I like sunny days, People with warmth, And welcoming ways, But this does not mean I cannot dwell with the Inconsiderate and unkind as well, For even though some have Grieved and discouraged me, Many more have encouraged Continously sheltered protected Helped to guide, impart wisdom, As difficult as life can sometimes be. Their love, willingness to support Understand and come along side, Are the things that has strengthen, Enabled me to see the beauty in humanity.

I was so struck. I never forgot! How could I? I knew passion. It was the fulfillment That triggered my heart. My thoughts to react as though I won. I held a precious diamond medallion. Word can never explain, or express, My mind could never have imagined this. It was the contentment I knew Felt when it graced my presence. I smiled and lifted my head with the hopes That this was truly mine, my heart reacted, By leaping with my chest, pounded for joy, All when infront of the beauty that was you. As I extend my hand, I offered myself. My soul rested, not anything Could tamper with what I had in you. Neither could it be duplicated or repeated. A blessing, worth holding unto. Money or fame could have never bestow this. Dare I let go of my once in a life time love? Who or what could drive me to throw this away? I in return held ever so closely to my once in a life time love.

I never loved her like There was no other girl Or saw only her when I closed My eyes to sleep at night. It was not her, but now it is. I write, for I've got a new delight. Doing for the one, I did not think of Never knew, until she touched me somehow. As I sat watching the starry sky The moonlight as it’s filled the night. It was not her that I wanted To fill my heart with but midnight dances. As I embraced life, it was not her I was thinking of. As I closed my eyes I allowed music Sweet melody to fill my life. To bring peace and prosperity to satisfy me For never before had anyone moved me, only the music.

You can say you care for me, Often say a prayer for me But if you are not there When I need for you to be, Then, why would I believe it? Once upon a time I was convinced of it. Believed your friendliness proved it. Now it seems that was not true for your love, Did not carry, wiped my tear stained cheeks. But simply walked way when I needed it. As I once extended my hands to you From my point of view, I was refused Even though, I knew you never knew. What I was explaining or trying to do. I still felt sure you would have taken it. I’m realizing it was not you, But all I felt and wanted of you. I still desire to see love in one person To know that it still exists. In one true hero, in this day and age.

Heaven should be divided. My chosen children were inflicted. Because my cries were ignored. Yes, there should be a gorge So deep and wide separating us. He claims lack of understanding. That is totally not true. Mankind fails to comprehend Know how selfish, he truly is. I know the truth, which I could say For you to one day know it too. But I do not desire to take your hope, Or discourage all those who sincerely believe That he is all you consider him to be., With that, I grieve and protect him for your sake.

It is not easy being or comprehending me. The level of difficulty doubles upon realizing my gallant nature. Often, does not benefit but has repeatedly only hurt me. So were my acts noble or were they all error. After all, I'll receive no reward, only trouble and suffering. Is there anyone who has benefited from such actions? I feel like a fool, at times, for doing what’s just. Knowing that my action only place me under attack. It would have been easier to have quietly faded into the night Instead, I had to stand up and fight for someone else. I am simply tired of wrong prevailing and being taken advantage of. So I will struggle with my bruised ego and have no peace after acting justly.

I thought I was loved by you. Until I said, help me out! Then I knew without a doubt. Your love was not real. Realized I never knew you. Thought very highly of you. In my head, you would have dried The tears of a crying child. Lift them up after they'd fallen down. But I did not know that I was wrong As my life came crashing down. And I needed a kind hand, Someone with whom I could stand. Instead, of a picking me up, silence was all I got. Why did I see what I saw in you? Why did I place my trust in you? Thought for sure you were the kind one, But all along I was dead wrong Now I know that was my misperception

Look past my mistakes. For my greatest desire Would be realized Or crushed, if you don’t. There is more, a vision, a goal, To accomplish, do on my own, If you can look beyond my errors. I shudder when I consider my wrong. Know I would not stand a chance, If I were my own judge. I am appealing to you, to extend to me More than I would to myself. I also know that I cannot say or ask This of you, for by your standards, I failed. Yet my desire is that you maybe merciful to me. Give me a chance to prove, I am capable.