Rah Times

Every new day is like the opening of a new flower. A chance to reshape, emerge as a new beauty. To embrace all that was placed to sculpt me, into me. From the laughing innocent child I once was. To the adult who sorrow transformed. All was to give new sight Even, the sky, sunshine differently. Mountains that stood before me. No longer appears as obstacles. But more like training ground, Placed to enhancing the beauty That, at times, is trapped deep with me. To reveal a unique side of me, Where the tears that flows Are for joy not to defeat. As I view the world differently. I anticipate ever new glorious day. See a budding flower in a whole new way.

Surrounded by all that delights. Produce beauty, pleasant reflection. The sound of laughter, welcoming arms Comfort, tender strokes, rest not tiredness. A voice filled with reassuring words Those that soothes, genuinely uplifts. What could then over take or hinder? With love, support, honesty, genuine belief? What could consume or bother? Who would not be content and calm? If they were free and not imprisoned, Constantly falling into another dilemma. Held tenderly by a considerate person's arms. I’ve seen plenty in this life to recognize care. Genuine love, a liar’s charm, an honest petition. I long to walk alone, to be assured, that while I advance In life, in age, my acquaintance, friends, spouse, Would sincerely love, be on a similar path as me. Do not want to carry any memory of scars or hurt. Desire to bare myself of all that denied and did not embrace. Wish to be at peace wherever I maybe, alone or with another.

I wrestled with a sea of emotions. At times they are soothing waves Splashing gently but consistently. Producing a massage like effect. Then like a ruthless storm, at times, They batter all within reach. Bring both enemy and friends to their knees. During moment of calm, I survey consequence. The vegetation that encircled. Appears barren like a desert land. Maroon by my own doings, I lament. How could I have inflicted those that I loved? How could they have pierced me?

It is of the City, he writes and speaks. It is of the city for the angel he did not intend to keep. The City he destroyed, but resurrected time and time again. The angel, he rejects and inflicts throughout her existence. The City kept its name, removed hers and every trace of her. The city he restored, the angel made desolate and hopeless. The city he loved, not so for the angel, for her he hated. Lashing out and humiliating her for he intended to rid himself of her. The whore he chose, he adorned and loved her score more. Gave her a home all that the world offered and so much more. Pledge his love and vowed to her, as daily he stands along side her. For the angel remains in the ruins he tossed her in from the beginning. As most of the world now stand by the King and sing alleluia. Who knew, cares, wants anything more than to use and banish her.

It’s hard loving another. After feeling completed by him. It's hard getting another. After loving only him. My boyfriend, my heart beats and aches for him. As he walked away, my heart ached. It grieved, felt hurt, destroyed. For I was so in love with him My boy friend, my heart beats and aches for him. It’s hard giving up on him. It is not me, but my heart, That refuses to turn away from him. It beats and aches for only him. My boyfriend, my heart beats and aches for him. It hard, for my love started and was all for him. My boyfriend, my heart beats and aches for him.

It’s me; it’s me, that’s reaching out. For I longed to know you. Am he, am he that went to see. Saw all you were dealing with. I wanted to help and assist you. It’s me; it’s me that’s calling out to you. I saw your agony and it distressed me. Am he, am he that will return to you. Although, I failed to intervene. I will not allow another to harm you. It’s me; it’s me that saw your beauty. The reason I was so attracted to you. Am he, am he that was in awe of it. Me who desire to love and protect you. As I sincerely always wish I had.

A new day, another opportunity To accomplish, do things differently. What yesterday did not bring about. Today is another chance. I’ve learned new things, keep trying, reaching. Gives hope when yesterday’s behind me. Equip me with new ideas and knowledge. Every new day, tomorrows carries chances. Those that might have disappointed or failed me, Can reside along with all other missed prospects. For tomorrow might be kinder, gentler. Love and give to me all that yesterdays didn’t.

Felt like I needed something From someone. Yet, believing that nobody had it. That it would take me to provide it. I keep doing, trying to get it for me. World is crashing around me. My beliefs are not in line With what life had been showing me. My destiny was colliding Instead of embracing me. Life has become a battle ground. I keep reaching up but falling down. I’ve been trying to attain minor things. While my battle rages on. Wish someone would believe in me. If I knew what the day would bring, I would be secure about everything. But not even I understand my fight, Or can say for certain it will be alright. So I keep on trying and fighting.

I feel like I am back in the fields working for nothing. With all my ups and downs And getting now where, I’m believing, I’d be better off With a few dollars in my pocket. I’ve been working on my songs for the longest time. Instead of making, I’ve been losing money. Still I’m hoping I would be successful. Chorus Just me and my guitar, in a smoky bar. And they are all too drunk to listen. Perhaps I need to get back to the ranch Where the cows moos to my composing. For in this big town, I’m getting nowhere. With all the noise they cannot hear, Nor are they aware, if the smoke is from cigarettes Or from all my heavy strumming. I know Cousin Joe came here and sang the blues. He made it too, had an album and sold a few. Whatever, he did, it’s just not working out for me. Hand clapping, butt slapping, still it is not happening. I have the right music but singing to the wrong people. Need I go back to the ranch or somewhere else, Where my country songs would reach my a

Who they call noble and good Hide the ugly truth. People do not go around Casting blame or devils Out of those kind of people. Best keep your mouth shut! Do not go telling stories of men The community chose as leaders. Those men sins are buried. At times behind closed doors. Or they are what are called skeletons. Which are kept in closets, not seen in public. Decent girls do not go telling tales. Neither do they speak freely or do as they wish. They accept the fate life’s cast to them Know what their beliefs and faith says. All will be forgiven so there would be A minute chance that they will get justice. A better chance of acquiring quiet restitution. Good will continued to be view the same. Especially if there are lots of money behind it. May as well stand in line and acquire some. For there is no honor in publicly claiming violation. Society highly regards wealth and position, Not irreverent claims against a highly esteemed person.

Why would a heavenly creature walk away from his angelic wife? Why would an earthly man not stand up and support his wife? Why would her mother condemn her noble interventions? Why would her admirer not take a minute to listen? Why would those who never knew admire, yet disregard her? Why would her heavenly and earthly father refused to assist her? That her children would choose to dishonor and grieves her, is mind-boggling? What is it that plague Zion’s daughter, was she ever loved by anyone?

Bombarded by life’s hurdles, I found myself repressed by it. As if undisciplined my mind was plagued by it. Reminiscing repeated about let downs and disappointments. Moments that disgraced only intensified my predicament. I had not a single memory of encouragement. All appeared as if they were given specifically to defeat me. Now trapped in my memory, after lacking resolve. They are as effective as they were when they buried me. As my situation changed, the level of difficulty remained. Yet, I cannot accept that, even if, it were my selected destiny. Though the never ending wheel of challenges and strife encircled. I persistently pursued that which would give triumphant to me. If defeat was the legacy that God the father chose to hand to me. The balance was horribly uneven, as clearly displayed by the strife, He failed to lift or take away from me, even after I asked. To do for and by myself was the only good it created within me. For it was evident that God had refused

I’ll never go back with all his denial. He broke my heart but convinced me! His charming smile was as deceitful As the wink of his eye With that, he tried to say, he loved me. I maybe a fool for love, just not one in love That’s not how my mother raised me. I want better than that, for I am a woman Who wants to be loved not trapped. He made the bottle his best friend Along with a woman that tolerated him. They sing together while he was filled with liquor. I cried because he hurt me, but knew, He was not good to or for me. Now I’m fighting back by staying on track For I know that is better for me. There is no loving that’s worth my grieving I need one that would cherish me, Not simply any that claims to want me.

Leave I, you to suffer? Who and what inflicted you? Was it not what you chose? My actions chase you into the arm of those! Rules and instructions laid by you. Marry not a man, who wed another. Take not on, what belongs to another. It was your laws that convinced me to take him! The things you showered your mind with. Those held you captive, became your torturer. Convinced you that by those things, you suffered. Felt you the pain as were the conditioning of your mind. The agony of hiding my uniqueness. Living among the clueless, the way they respond The ignorance of my task versus my true husband. Then having to stick with it for their sake, When I was in anguish from being separated from my partner. Yet, say you to me, it’s my mind. Are you, or were you ever mine? The things, you say, the way you speak. It was those things that pierced me a lot more than any of these. Made it appears as though truth lies in their beliefs. That the reality of our existence is

I gasp for air. For I was stricken! I was having a panic attack! Terrified that if I failed, I would destroy the innocent; Along with all those In the vicinity of my vocal range. For the furnace, that boiled within me. Was not profound, but toxic. Yet, as I spared them, I damaged me. What need I do, avoid them or save my flesh? Need I sacrifice myself, forgive, continue Or take on a different view? One where I gained the kind of insight That would then deliver all of us! And the latter was what I choose. I chose the truth and to understand.

As we journey through life together Never let it be said of me That I spoke an ill word of you. Forgot that you were worthy. Was hostile and did not extend Greetings or a welcoming smile. Let not my youth be to blame For the errors that I have made. I would much prefer if, in the end, It were recorded that I was a faithful, Loving, warm, ever welcoming friend. Not one that disappointed you During your most difficult of days, But the one that stood next to you, Sat and comforted you, for always. Let it be said of me, that I showed loved you. Remember some has unknowingly entertained angels. Always choose to be one of those.

Caught in a push and pull relationship I feel it was going to break me. At first it walked away from me. Then made me happy, as though it cared for me. A second time it left me, greatly hurting me. Here we go again. Wishing this would end. Be my lover or a true friend But stop hurting me over and over again. I know I was the one that needed you. Prayed on bended knees for you. But I was not what you wanted. For as beautiful as I was, I was not enough. Making this rough and tough for me. So here we go again. Wishing this would end. Be my lover or a true friend But stop hurting me, over and over again. A push and pull lover never stay But breaks your heart in every way There is nothing one can do or say Other than staying away from that Kind of inconsistent loving.

Is it possible to be blinded by sight? I would not convince myself of anything. Not after I’ve come to realize the folly of What I believed and placed my faith in. I trusted blindly, some that deceived me. How could I, one of such intelligence, Fall for what I wanted, instead of what I was seeing? Why did I ignored what honestly happened? Perhaps the mystery is the relationship Between the eyes and mind? One was clearly playing tricks on me. I convinced myself that this could not be. Later, I went on to think that I did not see. Oh my foolish state of mind, you blinded me.

The girl that naively sat with you. Now sees another side of you. Is unsure of what to do. After foolishly falling for you. She questions her own heart. How could she have loved you more? How could I love you more? Cannot get you out my head. Think of you, as I lie in bed. Found myself doing that more and more. Wondering, How could I have loved you so? Does not matter what you did or said. She cannot get you out of her head. Knows she did not want to let you go. For it was you, she loved and adored. And still do not know. How she could love you anymore.

Feels like I’ve been rough housing. Been though a knock down crisis. But I am not giving up, no way! Life just needs to turn around. I plan on changing it in some way. I am not giving up. Simply express it. I’ll do, not just for you, But so others can also say, Hold on, don't give up Change is on the way. In life we build and fight. In many different ways. Hold on, a miracle will be here one day. Does not matter what they say. Diagnosis, do not be afraid to say. Just keep looking to another day. Even if it is only your smiling face. Please never let that fade away. Place you fight and strength on display If not with your body, then with your spirit. That can live on in many different ways.

I came here for you. I will do what I have to, Patch up shattered dreams. If it means that I would be The one standing next to you. No more building up defenses. No more selfish indulgences. Simply doing what I need to. For I know if I mend your dreams. That mine would also come through. Should have told you. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. That my heart beats and aches for you. It’s true; I wanted to spend my life. Give all my days and time to you. Now that my days are almost over. I realized I wasted it with my lies. Denying what was true, like a fool. I didn’t even know that I hurt you. But now I know life would have been A lot better holding and loving you.

Joyous anticipation to see my beloved. My mountainous apprehension of his responses. Keep me fixated on his past actions. Wish for the world to know his virtues. Not the terrible mistake he made. The reason I loved and selected him. The elation that the sight of my beloved brought. Makes the sadness that fills my heart incomprehensible. My muscle aches under the duress, my heart’s string heavy. Yet, he remains an alien concept buried beneath my troubles. Again my decision remains the same, as does my affection. Need I turn away or continue to look towards him? Should I choose to do, what he did to me, hurt him and me? Do I even possess the strength, the capability to forgive, Nerves of steal, to disregard my own ego, to walk along side him?