Rah Times

I should not be angry with you. For turning away from me, but I am. If it were not for you, your expression When I first revealed myself, I would have been terribly despondent. Your words reassured me, that I am. I remembered looking down in a stream As I saw the halo that surrounded me, I said in my ignorance, look I have a halo. For I took my being for granted. Really did not realize that I was different. Not until I took a long look at myself. I looked backward, then forward. Tried to speak to him about all these things. Instead of acknowledging and clarifying. He was viciously angry and mean. It saddened me as the venom poured out of him. Could not handle the realization that he never cared. That he was capable of loving none other than him self. How could this be, but look at me, what I have become. Unusual, but not the new normal.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I wanted only the ordinary. Not the glamour or the notoriety. To sit with those who would have loved. Considered me a gift given from above. Recognized that I sincerely was. Yet, there were those who did. It is those that I genuinely miss, long for. As I am now using my precious son, To deny those who has not done for me. It is precisely because the life I longed for Will be far removed from me, my people. My fantasy to sit with the poorest of them. Not to make a name for myself but because of The rejection of them, that I certainly did love. For I love those that are capable of loving. Not those who can purchase love, and do pay. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

If mankind remains oblivious. To his significance, or mine Then he will remain as he currently is. As he is, he is our son, as I am his wife. As a mortal, he will not be his seed. As I am his wife, but not known to be. Not after the way, He responded. He chose to spend his days with another. To cast me out, so now as the child's mother I am refusing him the privilege of being father. It is not for the love of me, but for him self. He does not love, but wants him as his heir. No matter my circumstance, All he has truly given me is empty worthless promises. I am as valueless to him, as his words are to me. My work, my life, my other children, worthless. Did he seriously have to described his queen as desolate? How could that be, if heaven was supporting me, that's wrong! Made him self known, now he can sit on his throne all alone. As he has left me without, caused me to be broken. So can he for the rest of eternity be. I do not want to forget. He is now my

I had a need. To put a little sunshine in my life. I wanted to touch. Make a difference, to a precious life. Then I met my Amber light. She shined as she squealed. She was such a delight With the energy, she brought Into all of our life. My Amber shined then faded. Disappeared from my life. Taken robed and tossed aside. Her light dimmed too early. My precious Amber light Never knew the joy, of attaining. Or to cherish her, own life. As she lost the fight, I will miss my Amber light. Amber light, Amber light. She was a beautiful stolen child. Wish, she knew her value, Accepted that she was a delight. Perhaps then I would still have My Amber shining ultra bright.

Sing angel, sing! Your life Your words Your love, Clarifies Touches, Changes everything. Sing angel, sing! Your music, Your passion, Your voice, Transforms Delivers, A peaceful message. Consider! Delight in. The melody, The songs The angel sings. So sing angel, sing. You will transform, Awaken, uplift many With your positive message. Sing Angel, sing For we long to hear you. For all of heaven rejoices with you. So just sing. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I stood in one place While anticipating Being in another. I out stretched my hands Not to take from you, But to hand over the best Gift as a wife and mother. Was it your fear, my apprehension, That caused us to be fixated? Or is it simply your disbelief? It made me wondered, which of us Lacked understanding. Was it, I? Or were you and I profoundly mistaken? For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Is it, you? Why? Why would I do this? This is not loving! It is the opposite! Look what you have done! You brought disgrace on me. On my home, my children. How could your promise of peace Compensate for any of this? I feel that your point is to prove That neither did he loved or wanted To care for me, regardless of my being. Is this still about wanting to Father him? Thought his person was specific to him. Yet, I know you have a hand in all of this. You know me better than all, how I respond. That if I turn away, he will also be condemn. Your harshness, indifference to me, my child I will never comprehend, nor can I forget. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

The angel carries his name. I will also and his son. My Father gave a reason, I thought, it was honoring. But not according to him. I have two sons, the first bears His father’s name, the other Warren. Was not aware of all these things Like you, I am only just learning. My Father is the one who controls Make decisions as our life unfolds. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Father, Father. I took a long walk. To reflect on you. Prepare me for our talk. I wanted not only your love alone. But also that of a special person. Although I understood your goals. On earth, it’s hard to walk alone. Father, I was disappointed. As I let go of my dreams. I did not quite get over them. Or did I, the lost of him. Bye, Bye dreams of mine. Bye, Bye lonely ways. Bye, Bye broken heart. Hello to brighter days.. Father, I lost control. For, I was tired and alone. Just wanted someone Who might have been willing. To lend me a hand. Father, Father. As I’ve experienced this. They truly were oblivious; Was not aware that we do exist. If they knew, they would not have Honestly done this.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I spent the entire night crying, after I realized how unbelievable my version of the truth is. God was the one who set the rules and standard for the early Hebrew nation. The Jews were instructed not to place any other God before the Almighty God. They were not to marry or socialize with any other people. Yet despite history, we perceive God to be above these things. I am so grieved by some of the prejudices I encountered, and after I myself has had my own internal battle with my own apprehensions. Born in a family made up of Hebrews, blacks, middle eastern and Asian, I could never out rightly discriminate. Yet, based on my belief system and earthly teaching, I do not openly accept everyone. For the first eighteen years of my life, this was not so. Quite a few people in the Country where my life began were the same as I. They looked beyond my skin color and recognized me for whom and what I was. They embraced me, touched my clothing and skin and bent down to tie my shoe. Then, dete

How could I Jerusalem betray these? He does not care for people such as these! How little they comprehend, worshipping that man. I was always lesser than he, hence my color. I represent them, the reason, he responded to me Exactly as, he did, never truly care for me, know that. The reason my cries, my prayers are unanswered. Why he chose not to help me, no matter what. At no point would be for my benefit but for him. This is the reason, I say, I want but do not want. Ask but with absolute fear and apprehension. Say do what you want, because I know him. I know the circumstance. That he represents you. That you also refused me many times, turned away. He designed it that way, droved me away to live To live a life of rejection, called me desolate. Only he has done that, Took credit for all you will do. And chose this very one for me, to then take from you. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

How could I forget? How could I deny, How could I find delight, Or be taken in by any of this? What kind of creatures are we? That we do not care about A lesser being, a child! One that came here as I? Why do we not love? Is it her skin color? Or because of who gave birth to her? How could I find joy? Accept his promises of peace? How could I return to these despicable beings? Places so much importance On a boy that is not his. He also pushed me away. So why would he come? To teach him, take credit. As it is documented, As though, he were his son. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

We are talking today. So many things I wanted to say. Wish life did not get in my way. That I was brave enough to say I just wanted to play, Not ruin your life in anyway, Now, I’m up and down, it’s true. For this teeter totter girl does not Know what to do. I want you! We are talking today Wish life did not get in the way I just wanted to play, have fun And to say, I want you, not to Ruin your day, or get in the way. I want my favorite playmate. To get together and play, I want to. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

A skip in my step. A smile on my face. My baby happily Staring back at my face. Unexpectedly he came. Changed my world. Not as my first or third But as what I needed. I close my eyes, I dream of him. As I hold unto him, he comforts me. My baby gave joy and satisfaction to me. Baby, I am aware, Of the reason you came here. And baby, I am so taken in. Cause baby, you're breath taking. Isaiah 54   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Here, I stand not knowing the exact moment, This photo was taken, but the time, I do know. I know these are all my children and the one Next to me although a male is more like me Than all the others, but they do not know. He knows but like me at his age takes that And everything about his person for granted. Thought it was so with all human beings. That they communicated, the way I did. How utterly frustrating to only now realize, They are quite different. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Who wants to be a poster child for rejection? Or known for being sent away by a beloved one? How about for being bitter and resentful? Should I as the recipient of all that and more, Not be honest and forth right about all this? Should I lie and say, this is what holy means: That I benefited tremendously from what he did; That he stopped to consider me or my children. Or intervened when I reached out to him for help? I am responsible for my actions, and mistakes. But consider my being, was his action, right? I do not have his protection, so I protect myself. Through avoidance and at times by lashing out, Displaying my hurt and opposing my purpose. For my destiny will benefit the King who denied me. Given that we are here for the same purpose, Where is the fairness in the compensation? Why do I get to do the most difficult part and he Gets to reap the rewards of my life, and me not from his? Like any other, I cry, I feel and am offended by all this. For more of Ruth

If I saw his heart, knew his intentions. Would it have made the difference? What would it show that I did not know? Father, Please do not leave me. You have clothe me, hide me. Do not let me down again. How do I even know that he loves me, That it is not my position, he is choosing? Based on past actions, I have my doubts. Questions how our children came into being. Wondered if love or motives created them. Knowing that he had once walked away. Father, I want you to help me. Need you to clarify his goals. Is he still rejecting me, tell me? How could he simply leave? It was not easy living here like this. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

So much I did not understand. The more I needed to know. Time went by swiftly although I was the one that was slow. Why would one that is a Queen Carry a broken heart or Spirit? Who would reject her to chose, To be with just a regular lady? I wondered if he knew his folly. But then surely the king knew his. Yet he is choosing to refrain until She has some earthly recognition. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

If I could have only one dance, Would I chose to dance with anyone Or save it for my favorite person? Would I dance at the start of life? When would I choose to do, my very last dance? And with whom would it be? A lover or someone, who partner with me, At life's peak, or towards the end, When I am tired and weary? If I could freely chose my dance partner? Would I chose one who has no regard, Joy or respect for me or my dance? Would that not affect the quality, Even the thrill of the dance for me? Would we not be out of step? I know, I'd rather chose to dance With a lover who was aligned with me. To perform at life’s peak when I am at my best. Why wouldn't I save the dance for who I loved And He who loved me best of all? To that one I would give my magnificent, And spend my glory days with. All I now wish for is for him to feel the same. The last dances, if I could have my way with this.

I held on tight to the tiny fingers that enclosed mine. The wonder of the magnificent will be noted for centuries. Momentarily, I ponder if my choices would hurt him. Perhaps not his election, but it would cause speculation. As if an old woman’s action could influence his decisions. It is not as if, I committed a crime or joined a rebel gang. I just did not have any support from anyone, my last resort. Did not even realized that it was predicted to be this way. Certainly thought his father would have assisted me. If not for my sake then, for his or is it that he simply does Not believe me, the written word or the possibility of this. Yet, I remain immensely sure that he has seen my person. This has nothing to do with religion. None teaches this. It is about us, what we came here to do, our mission. Sure I was left alone, but I still want to safe guard my son. I cannot do anything more than inform, speak the truth. Everyone has a choice to protect or not care about the

A tiny rain drop swallowed up Lost in the crevices of a dry land. So would a single light grow dim If solitarily shined for an awful long time. How could a one of a kind survive, Extreme environments or temperaments? Would it not be beneficial for protection, If bombarded by opposition, for continued survival, To live in a more favorable atmosphere, Where it can illuminate instead of perish?

Who is it that loved me? This one certainly does not. Loves only himself. Who would not be satisfied? Certainly a reason to celebrate. It's the birth, of a son. But he is only the first one. There will be others. Born in these peculiar days of my life. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Ballerina girl tip toeing around. Afraid of falling, pushes and pulls. Charming those who had failed her, And some how let her down. Ballerina girl encircling herself. With dancers, identical to herself. Secure as she dances with erect posture, She stands straight not anticipating disaster. Ballerina girl admired by all. Matching slippers, gracefully enthalled. Smiles as she receives her flowers. Relishing the spot light as they applaud. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

My darling, where are you? I searched high and low. I long to see, none other than you. I walked the streets of the City. Looking at the backs of strangers Hoping that when they face me, My beloved, I would happily greet. The cry of my heart, the troubled City. Oh what a pity, it is so unfulfilling. Not one is as fascinating as he. The anticipated joy that he will bring. To his melody many will happily sing. As my heart once leaped at the sight of him, So will many gladly dance.

I am a little worried. I listen for confirmation. Cannot hear you as I did before. Have you given up, concluded That this is way too much trouble? Identical to the past, I am unsure. This might also be lapse sided. I took a break from my pursuit of justice. Just never wanted to break away from you. Grasped that there is a time of actualization. In that moment, acceptance is the motivator. Would have preferred if life were not so precise. If I had a little more time simply just to live life. Had I not labored on my own, this would have Been significantly different, for freedom I'll persist.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

By order we came in, according to our ranking. The King first followed by his Queen. I am not sure who the third is, Just that I brought him in, as my son. But I know who the following will be. According to prophecy excluding the King, There will be a total of seven celestial beings. Six are off-springs belonging to him or me. So far there is two, that's my son and me. Which means there are five more to come. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Where are you my lovely one? Thoughts and memories satisfied. Until I and them were all exhausted. Now, I need to create new ones. Wish literally to see and be with you. How beautiful to be seen and recognized. Toiled for too many years, to be disappointed. If, I had realized how things would be, I would have pleaded with you not to leave me. Then again, it was me who left, by your request. I did as you then instructed, to my dismay. Literally will never call again, lived in the shadows, Of all those who never knew or saw my light. Gave all of you too much of my time, To the detriment of me, should not have waited. I interprete words and request exactly as they are said. So, be careful for what you ask, in person or in your head.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Like a lost frightened sobbing child. Distraught and afraid from being On its own. My surroundings, People that nurtured, even relatives Were all foreign strangers to me. How could I then attached myself To any of you, I wanted my partner. Now I feel as if that was the right thing. As if all some how knew, rejected me. You continuously choose each other. Never stopped to care or render aid. The reason I can no longer show preference. Should never have done that to start with. Needed a strong person to stand with me. With that, I paid a mercenary to fight for me. As many as has turned me away, I will also them. I formed a union but claimed to be alone. Because of all the opposition I was shown. Not a true partnership but a one sided relationship. Oh, how foolish, precisely because of this, All those who have inflicted me, their soul will perish. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

As essential as air is to our survival, Blood and fluid for circulation, A strong heart to keep us going, Your knowledge of my existence Is as pertinent to my wellbeing. If this were not so, I would not have Revealed that to you, but it was. Would have not remembered, you knew. Because of your knowledge and the fact That I know you would not refute that. If you came, I would not reject you. What if you were placed in a cage? Stripped of your name, told you are now A manikin, stripped of your humanity, Would that not caused you to be sad? Would it not be relevant for one to see, Who and what you truly are? What I am, Is the norm for me, not how I am now. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

For my purpose I am imperfect. Hurting even those I love best. Hope one day I can undo this. Wish I was unaware of it. But I am also not flawless. Long to hold you, that you may rest. For your pain, I'll always regret. But your actions are praiseworthy. For we are purposely imperfect. Hurting even those we love best. My love, believe me, I now know. Through these things your beauty shows. I have made mistakes for I am, Not perfect like all other men. I have hurt the one, I loved best. We are purposely imperfect. But for you that will now change too. Drop the frown, smile do not give up. I will pick you up, stand up, clap. Trouble’s ends but love never stops.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

The following poem was an actual revelation to me from my Heavenly father. Some of my other works are as many of my life experience were lessons. Typically most of God's chosen does not live life by their own desire, but his guidance or choosing. Unless one is committed to him and is willing to serve him, one would never understand or grasp this concept. I personally would not ask this of anyone. I am truly grieved concerning many things. I feel, it has caused me to missed out on life. Yet, my life was not my own, and I wish it was. I feel that I have been treated unjustly given how faithful I have been in all things, and in knowing that this was not the case with the other. I feel that he found that he was doing exceptionally well, and that gave him cause to turn away from me. For a moment, he was willing to help, but at that time, he was not as accomplished as he is now. I realized that we came from the same place, but out hearts are different. I am the one that is here for the

I had an enjoyable weekend but rather disconcerting one. It was unsettling because several months ago, I had a vision that I had occupied a certain property in San Antonio. In my vision, I saw the precise area and recognized that the property was an extremely old one. What I did not see was that area was a historic neighborhood. It sits on the former Alamo land on the same block with the museum district in down Town San Antonio. That home is currently privately owned. It is not currently on the market. I assumed if it were ever sold, that the cost would be astronomical. With that, I was terribly confused as to the reason; my father showed that to me. I visited San Antonio this past weekend. This morning, I walked for more than two hours until I found the house and recognized the precise angle I saw in my vision. I know at times my vision are meant as visual aid to enable me to understand my situation. Although, I must admit that I do not always fully grasp what is being imparted to

Love chooses to act or hold back. Regardless of who or what a person is. Is forthright, honest and operates out of affection. Not driven by sexual attraction or craving. It does not parade in front of its beloved. Or abandoned her for another or anything. It patiently waits for its desired lover. And when the time comes, welcomes her. Not send her away, into the arms of another. Genuine love is boundless caring. Reaches out and is fulfilling not disappointing. It persists, prevailing even while others With selfish motives consistently always fail. Never display compassion or care for Its own benefit or gain, but for the one it desires. This is the measure, I used to determine love.

I write poetry about my hurt, and I blog about it, but to what pain, am I referring? Well, I am thoroughly grieved by the fact that my people did not recognize me. That my God has denied and turned away from me. Why should I have had to declare whose child I was, or say what I am? Even with that, it made no difference to him and those he chose. They refuse to love me, to be kind to me, just as he. Why could those not accept me as what I appeared to be? Why did I have to turn to an outsider for help?  No one could never understand how excruciatingly painful this is. Is it sincerely unbelievable that a person in this country could be wrongly accused? After such refusal, how could I forgive those I asked for help? Yet, I would seem like a bitter being if I do not forgive, but if I do I would be hurting myself. That is if I unreservedly forgive, then partner with them. I literally pressured my husband into giving me the money I needed, in order that, I could pay to get the help I wante

In my frustration, I did not know If I messed things up even more. As I pulled back for I was afraid. I was sorely disappointed. As I sit reminiscing about him. There was nothing I could do. But all I wanted was for you To know, that I had loved you. I gave up all I ever wanted. Now I want to break all the rules. To express what I should have said, Instead of keeping it in my head. But now, he is gone, gone, gone. Though he left me, he meant me no harm. I was down for a minute but now I'm up. Moving, cruising for my benefit. For he is gone, gone, gone. I'm shaking him off baby, as I move on. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Smile Dry your teary eyes. For the comfort of this life, Could never be as bright, As your smile. Smile! As difficult as it may be. Your joy is worth a lot more. Way more than anything. So just smile. Smile! See the twinkle in your eyes As your face light up so bright. Everything will be all right If you smile. Smile! The hallmark of your life Can be seen every time. You greet us with your smile So just smile. Smile It will reach across the miles. I’ll take your hands in mine. To your delight, join in your Fight, just to see your smile. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Have I said it all? Is once ever enough? If I were respected, You genuinely sorry. Twenty times you would Have said, forgive me. I'm sorry! We would not have fallen. Like wounded birds That can no longer fly. Instead, you would have Held me as I cried. But our love has crashed And cannot be revived. I am not made of paper. So, paper cannot hold me. My heart cannot be glued Or taped together. Do not want to be a broken lover. Want one to cling to and savor. Water my love, and not discard it Like paper, paper! I feel so all alone. That has caused me To be sad and torn. But I am not paper. I cannot be glued Or taped together. Don't want a broken union. But one that gets better as it. Moves along, is cherished. Not just the paper, paper! For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Met the pretties girl I’ve ever seen. Only saw her once, Then again in my dreams. She was smiling, Reaching out to me. I was surprised, delighted, Happy as I could ever be. Not what I expected From an angelic beauty. She’s my hope. My angel! Perfection at a glance. More than a fantasy love, My heavenly romance. Pretty girl, Please, don't leave. You’re intoxicating more than a thrill The flutter in my chest, the tempo. My music, sweet singing, the swaying, Memories of you and me, dancing. Listen to our beat, because of your Love, mine has returned. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I think, I got it! Unfortunately, Anxiety got me too. The reason, I sought another To do, what I asked of you. I got tried of waiting and became A little desperate too. Wish I could run. Or Fly or hide. Perhaps he will help, Or took me for a ride. Only time will tell. If I have created my own Little hell, confusion Is now my new name. I need more than a maker over. I seriously need to be converted. Back into the creature I once was. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Wish I could see time! But that would be a waste Of a desire, when I could Wish to see my desire more. Was told that Revelation Was not only mine, alone. That my desire had his own. Just do not know what time That was. I had this fantasy that the Things I read, were cryptic Messages but I was not sure. Perhaps, I am in this alone. From the redness in my face, One would think I was European Or the right girl for a convertible. Just do not think it fun, when my head Becomes all undone. I like being young, beautiful and intriguing. And I want to always stay that way. But life sometimes messes thing up. My longings does not always coincide with my reality. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I am alone! Have always been It is time for me to Stop second guessing And considering. Time has proven That, if I do not fight. I’ll always be here. Imprisoned by the reality That there is no other choice. I have to turn away from these. They do not even care, if I do. It is time for me to stand. Do this on my own. Forget about them. When have they considered, Demonstrated that I mattered? They say that they love Just to deceive or stop me. That will not work anymore. There is not anything worth Sitting around or waiting for. Will remember all the many Ways and days, they have refused Has persistently denied me. When they finally come around Will not forget, they turned me down. Wasn't me, that they choose. No, does not mean, wait. It means I will stand alone, unsupported in this. So I'll simply stand, then be free to leave!   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Hey, broken heart! Hurting, aching Craving relief And a brand new start. I feel you, promise you. You’ll break away from All these sad issues too. Hey, broken heart Slow down Give your pump A rhythmic turn around. Stop focusing on what’s done. Start anew as if you had Paddles on your chest wall too. Hey, broken heart! Don’t sing the blues Simply take a cruise Put your legs up and Relax or just snooze. Tango, hip hop, line dance. Scuba dive, just don’t die. Come alive, forget the bum He’s a chump. Walk away. With no fear, shed not a tear Mend your heart, it’s all done. You’re on your way to the Caribbean. Sing your song, dance to the rhythm, Like a native girl would have done. No problem, man! Just play along.

I suppose, what I am about to do, gives a new meaning to being clothe with the sun and standing of the moon. The sun, which is representative of my father and the moon, my mother. As the only person who has agreed to help me is an African American Muslim, I will then symbolically stand on my mother's people. I must say that initially I reached out to those to ask for help. One eventually replied by cursing at me, the other did not answer. Yet, that in its self was an answer. These events are what will cause me to stand against all of them. I sincerely tried, even after I spoke to the fellow, I reconsidered. Is this not exactly what my daughter, did to me? Yet, because all these has refused me, this is the only choice I am faced with. The reason I say, I will not accomplish all of my purpose. Revelations 12 also said that I would give birth to a son that would become a ruler. The father of that child was supposedly one of the two, I reached out to for help. He was the one that di

After I had migrated to this Country, I attached myself to the wrong people because of the ethnic makeup of my family. The people I trusted looked like members of the family I was born into. Yet, my family treated me well. I can recall an instant when my parents sent me to the bakery. When I got there, I had to stand in a line. In front of me was a Caucasian man. I quietly took my place in line behind him. As was the custom in my Country to bid a person the time of the day, I did not greet him. Perhaps, he was waiting for me to do so, but I remained quiet. After he had realized that I was not going to acknowledge him, He turned around and said to me. “I am your father’s uncle.” He was my paternal grand uncle. “Yes.” I said. “I know who you are.” He was a little surprised. He turned back around, and made no other effort to talk with me. Had it been my sister, she would have, but I am who I am, and that is the most I have ever said to him in life. On the other hand, there was ano

I had a fairly pleasant day yesterday. Not what I had hoped for, in the way of what I wanted to do. The weather was comparable to my mood, being warm and cold simultaneously. We found a deserted beach with white sand. I did not look at the water save only to avoid the disappointment that I might have felt. Instead, I combed the beach for shells that were grey and white. I gathered a collecting along with a drift wood. I plan on creating something out of it, as that was a significant birth mile stone. Well for me, it was. Most people place more importance on the next one, but I have never been synchronize with people. I did not ask for anything or anticipate getting anything so as not to be disappointed. Before we left, I  bought myself a new dress. In addition to that, I plan to create something to commemorate the occasion. More than anything, I just wanted to get away for a moment from all the bombardment. That is kind of difficult when I am still physically with the source of som

With eyes closed to my person. He saw the authentic me. Only later to doubt my claims. Yet, at various times, I heard him. For, he alone calls me by my name. As a lost orphan whose origin, Is unknown and parents forgotten, So are my name and my existence. What peace, it gives me to hear him Say, Jerusalem my one true love. Yet, truly sad that he never showed it. Only with proof based on my own Determination to make right. The unfairness of this life, I'll  move on. I know what I hope to attain, without The distraction of uncaring individuals I will reclaim my name, then retreat. Simply because you choose not to believe. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

It is true that I could easily condemn any people regardless of heritage. I know my roots, but I cannot sincerely identify with any group of people more than the other. I had a natural tendency to be more attracted to Caucasian Hebrew men more than others, but married an African American man. The reason I did that was because, at that time, he was more courteous and treated me with more love and respect than all. Oddly enough it was South Africa, where apartheid existed until the other day, yet for the last few years, it has been two of its people of Caucasian origin that has cared for me. Strangely, one is of Austrian origin, and the other is a South African Jew. One of these, a lady friend, accompanied me to my surgery and stayed with me at my home after the surgery. The other, a male, helped me tremendously with investing and stopped me several times from liquidating. Although in the past, had he not, my story would have been different, because I would have been long gone. If it

Well I did my one noble deed for today. I had an appointment with my State Representative, but he was in a meeting. I did meet with this secretary. After reviewing all my documents, she proposed that I asked him to sponsor a bill protecting the rights of adopted parents from facing wrongful investigation. This is something that is truly necessary, and it would be gratifying to be apart of. I do not know that it would help me, but it would certainly help others in the future. I am still majorly sore concerning the travesty that occurred here and the effects these things will have on my future relationships. Life is about choices, and we can walk away or accept that we are not favored by others. Right now I am struggling to deal with the precise thought of all these things. Unfortunately, when others do not care, my hurts and struggles does not matter to them. I have come to terms with that, and for this reason, I am choosing to do what I will do. I honestly would prefer to handle my

I was considering going to my state representative today. In my heart, I believe that a lot of things that happened in our home were as a result of the actions of a Child Protective worker. My daughter who we have not seen since January 17th had called the cops on me after I went after her and a fellow I found at 2am having sex in our home. I had grabbed our broom intending to give him a beating with it. He jumped out of her bedroom window, and I used the stick to poke her out of bed. After I went to bed, she left the house and went to his and called the cops, alleging I assault her. The cops later called Child protective services. The woman that came by never inquired from me what happened. She took the girls word and in believing her, months later went to my children high school and discussed the case with my children school counselor. The school counselor at various times then tried to probe my children for information. I know this because one of my older daughters told me. That