Rah Times

I have actually tired to be true to the one who brought me here. The reality is that he has failed me profoundly. I have been hurt in ways I will never forget or disregard or seek compromise. I come from a people who knows me not and is seen as belonging to a people of whom I am not actually apart of. For most of my years, I did what I was capable of on my own but now I can no longer do that. It takes quite a bit to get to where I am. This is more than being left alone in breast surgery. As it is, I think that my writings could be viewed as just that of another angry black woman. Again it goes way beyond that. I thought I had a partner who loved me, but it turned out he never did, and chose to marry a white woman, as opposed to me. I have a husband who chooses to side with every person but never to stand by me or defend me. Why did I foolishly expect that anyone else would help? People who I thought genuinely loved me, with time it has been proven, that is not truly so. So now I am

I was born in a country that had some of the happiest and most carefree disadvantaged people in the world. Several times, I journeyed back there with a medical team in order to give much needed optical care to my people. My first trip was extremely difficult because I was mentally and physically exhausted. Nonetheless on my husband insistence, I went on the trip. It just happened that the organization that does that work was formed by his then boss’s husband medical partner. I suppose as a favor to his boss, he volunteered me to go. It was a unique situation because I have lived the majority of my life in the US. I had, however, spent enough years in my country to know its people and customs. During the trip, there was a doctor that would always try to educate me on the customs of the Belize people. At times, he simply spoke about the vegetation or whatever else, a visitor might have found fascinating. I found it rather amusing and would simply chuckle, every time he chose to give

If I could conjure up anything in my mind or with my mind, I would be spending the weekend in the tropics. Saturday is my birthday, and I a few days ago; I decided that I wanted to spend it at my favorite hotel in San Antonio. It turned out that they did not have any availability. So I then tried to find a discount spa package. Whatever I found were either more than I could spend, or for couples; therefore, I left that alone. In the past few years, I have had the worse birthdays and mother’s days, so I decided to do something where I would not be disappointed. Well this year will not be any different from the last two. There is nothing to achieve from imagining anything expect a terrific story line if one is writing a novel. This is my life, and it is true that certain aspect of it is like a fairy tale, but for the most part, whatever I have written was based on truth. Another day, another year, what does it matter? I remain as I am, and those who should care are all indifferent. I

It is remarkable how one vision differs after the bombardment fades. I was extremely cognizant that my darkest period was to enable me to see who my genuine friends were. The most heart breaking realization was that some that I genuinely cared for were profoundly lacking. Oddly enough, my true self also emerged along with my awareness of truth and error in some teaching I had in the way of prophecy. The teaching concerning genuine believers I found to be true. Those people never left my side, even when my spouse was not there for me. When the other, I claimed to be the same kind of being as I am chose only to be viciously unkind, these stuck closer than any of my siblings. As I lay in that hospital bed awaiting several pre-op tests, I felt so betrayed and let down. Whatever one may think of me, I do not lie when I say that my heavenly father has deserted me and his son have turned his back on me. I know that human being all has their individual ideas of God and his character and so d

As I opened the book, For to find your face. I found a fountain Over flowing with love It dripped of beauty and grace. I opened the book To gaze upon the spring Of life that extended to me Joy that sprung up from the Peace that came from my life. I opened the book of life For to know the out come. To see my own direction. To know if once again You would leave me alone. I opened the book, I saw myself Aged, still walking all alone. Mothering the fruits of my womb. Some of my children were teenaged. Except those children were different. They were responsible and loving. I was then overwhelmned with desire To return to them, those I bore in the Prime of life. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

The worse kind of attack is a spiritual one. I awoke a few minutes ago after a frightening dream. In it, I saw my youngest brother being stabbed to death. The spirit that gave me that vision then said, if you are God, how come you did not know this. He meant, know that my brother left his wife to go live with another woman. I honestly do not know if this is so. I have not heard from them since the end of January. I have been too consumed in my own life, and I guess they have been busy, so they have not called me. I know people do dumb things, and I certainly hope, that he never leaves his wife and children. The spirit indicated that the reason, he was killed, was because his action was sinful. Well, I can say that spirit was not of God. God does not condemn people without giving them a chance, to repent. After many chances if they do not repent or change, then are they condemned. I had a conversation earlier this week with my husband based on how he reacted to my responses, one w

Revelation does not reveal That the woman was an angel. It states, a wondrous sign appeared In the heavens, a woman clothed, With the sun and the moon under her feet. That woman gave birth to a male child. He would rule the nations. The great serpent, the devil attacked The woman in order to destroy her child. At that point, she will be given wings To fly out of the devil's reach. To determine whose child he will be, I listened to future conversation. From what I saw, his skin was white. His eyes were light. I honestly did not know. Not until now, so that was why I had to ask. I honestly thought he was the son of God. Like me, he is, but also like me, he is not. I later saw him as a teenager, and he bore The exact image of his earthly Father. All these things were hidden even from me. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Why are you so perplexed? No one has ever stopped me. Been as dear, or admired by me. So, just relax, relax. I maybe down but I’m still around. You got me from the time I came around. I promise, you’ll get me back. So, just, relax, relax! Excuse, the intrusion in your life. For this has all been a labor of love. The kind, no one will soon forget. Although I've done things, I've regret. It's true, of all the millions, it is you. Promise from now on, I’ll be with you. Share my life with none other than you. Doing all, a lover should, for, I have always loved and admired you. Relax, relax, it is you. I'll come back, come back Return to you. For it is you, only you. That I will be devoted to. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I was so consumed with my troubles. I was not thinking logically. Not for a moment did it occur to me; That any person would not want to help me. I guess my fantasy was that a human who knew Would truly understand, know the significance. Even though down through the ages man never did. I felt my situation was unique based on my being. Not that I am supreme to others, or should not suffer. Just that these things will have more effect on men. For my experiences as they are ingrained will determine The way I judge them, for even this gives me understanding. If anyone truly comprehends this, then it should have impacted. Their decision, their action or lack of demonstrated self-centeredness. Lack of care for their fellow men. Why I am sadden that I could Then chose a reluctant non-caring person to be apart of me. I keep considering, asking, how I could do that. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

This is the video of my youngest girl's performance in the 400 meters dash. She came in second in her heat but 3rd over all, with a time of 1:09. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

The youngest of my adopted daughters appeared to me to be a bit lethargic and extremely slow when we first brought them home. I was a bit worried about it, but now she has blossomed into an active child who excels in physical activity. So, to say the least, one cannot judge based on out ward appearance. While her sister was acting out, it caused her to become insecure. As a result, she made some of the same foolish mistakes. Unlike her sister, she was able to recover and is now doing quite well. This daughter joined her high school wrestling team earlier in the year and encouraged my youngest daughter to do the same. Together, they now encourage each other, and that is a blessing. Wrestling is over, and they have both moved on to track. A clip of her yesterday as she ran the 200 meters dash.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I’ve fallen deep into the silence. My home is still and lifeless. The tornado that brought havoc Has taken leave, the quiet now leads. Does this mean that the calm, Brings me contentment? It simply means I am without Confusion, chaos and a topic. My pandemonium inspired me. Sent me on an intellectual journey. I too searched to know if I were loved. Found my lost and forgotten love. So what is there now to complain about? Well I have nothing more to say or write about. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I want you to thrive. Spread your wings. Soar the sky and fly. Everyone makes mistakes. That should not mean The end of a beautiful life. Dry your eyes, don’t cry. One day, your mornings Will all be promisingly bright. All who saw you did not know. See the wonder that God Wanted all to come to know. Like a butterfly, that was in cased. When the time comes you will be Free, in order that you may rise. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

We do not do to meet social expectation. Neither is it to shock or flabbergast anyone. We act to accomplish our purpose, not to Fit in with the who is who or to disappoint you. To benefit the masses and that is the significance. Yet, it is a blessing, and not a curse to be chosen. Anyone associated with me will never be forgotten. For the day will come when my identity will not be A secret as it currently is. Are you simply too busy Prefer your wealth or to make money, than to take A moment to enquire or to know if this is truth? It frustrates me as I read the outcome, which means That, although, I am distressed and angry, I will not hold back but again will complete my mission. Hence my current discontentment, as a woman of today. Why I wonder, how could I partnering with you? After the many times, you have deeply let me down. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I am still pondering and certainly cannot Comprehend how after all these things That he could ever approach me again. What was it that he remembered seeing; My mixed heritage or my angelic being? His confusion is that, as a human being, He has some doubts about all these things. Why would I have told him about my son? If he were not of him, or revealed myself, Had he not a place in my now existence, Or turn to him had he not been selected? I still am, so what would I truly want from A regular non-God fearing person? How can I forgive you or him for refraining? No matter the out come, I can still just Walk away from both of you because You have disappointed me terribly; During the worse days of my life. Will there Truly be anything that could compensate Make up for your not helping? I honestly Do not think so. Which means an association, With either of you, could be doomed before it starts. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Realit

I dried the tears from my eyes. Momentarily focused on his face, I recognized him, for an instant. Then dismissed the thoughts as quickly as I felt the familiar tear in my heart. Instructed by him to get on with life, Saw the same, reflected in his eyes. Trapped in his web of truth and lies. I looked, but could not decide, To rescue, nurse the scars that was hidden, Buried deep within my mentor, teacher? The one who stood closely, encouraged me. Should I turn away, ignore his pain? His wounds disguised as accomplishments; Brilliance, pride, ambition, ego, and neurosis. Should I stay, endure his rage? Defeated me as he lashed out, Demolished my respect, honor, our friendship. Returned me, to the very first day we connected. Distant strangers, without care or compassion. For, I was feeling despised, and rejected.

It is true that, after death, Every man will be judged, Based on his earthly deeds? Think! If I speak the truth, If you have seen, and know this Yet, choose differently, What your consequences would be. Once my troubles are over I will return to my heavenly father. If I loved you, it would not matter, If that love, you refused and did not Reciprocate but hid under a rock. All the works you did for others Would be like pointless scraps. If nothing else, Please, understand that!

I know that even more difficult things lie in front of me, and I am uncertain of how I will face those days. Choosing the right spouse or a partner in life is detrimental to ones wellbeing. I know that accidents and illness can also affect the quality of one's life. If one's circumstances changes due to natural disaster, the degree of difficulty, in a marriage, would probably be the same as having a person of poor character. I do believe, in the case of a natural disaster, the circumstances would be more palatable. I have had many trying times, as a result of not having a partner that was sensitive to my needs. Not only that, he availed himself to many others, and that left me alone and unsupported. Every thing that happened here could have been handled with support; therefore, this was the worse. The better is that, I am now terrible aware that, I need to feel loved. I am also cognizant of all other past relationships, and explored them, to know if they also cared or not ca

I wanted to attend Columbia. If I did, that would have changed My path, would not have met him. He who was meant to be apart of My mission, so I sadly submitted. My focus was not the glamour or cosmos. Yet, as an ambitious person, I desired The finer things in life and do have some. My Father has with held whatever Would have caused me to stray From what he intended. Hence, my disappointment. My current life was also not accidental. I keep trying to tell you, timing was crucial. The precise moment for our meeting was too. It happened when it was supposed to. Our moment is actually now as my difficulty increases. How I will handle it all, I do not know. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

For my purpose, I did or did not do. It was my priority, not any relationship. I do the minimum to keep my family. That is mother, sister and dad from Being upset and truly angry with me. I am here to experience and to bring Michael into existence. If I spoke, Or said something, things would not be As we intended, remember, I am what I am. I am, however, capable of all things human. My father did not want me to be with the other. He was not the one chosen to be Michael’s father. That was the reason, I lost interest in him. We are here for the same thing, but to live separately. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

There is no tomorrow That is worth far more Than each of my days. No yesterdays that did Not impact my today. No missed moments, That I ever forgot. Many putting offs that are Over flowingly filled with remorse. Broken relationships always hurt. As every tear shed by me Was not arbitrarily poured out. All these significantly determined The direction I chose in life. All had significance and Could have made a difference. This is the reason I now need To move on from those that has now Become my past. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I took a short walk on the wild side. I was not dressed like my usual self. Went to the movies drank a sprite. Eat a bag of extremely buttery popcorn. To my surprise memory of my meeting. Him for the first time, as flesh, came to me. It was shortly after being in New York City. Under the arch, at Columbia University. As he walked away, I was disappointed. A few days later, he came back to me. I was dining with a girl friend. Did not want simply to leave to go to him. So, to my regret, He left. It was seven or eight Years before I saw him again, by then I had fallen for The one I now called my prince. I had lost interest, In the King. So I understand how he could fall For a human person because, I did too. But to my sorrow that did not work out for me. I wanted it to, but was not sure, I wanted my aspirations Even more than I wanted a partner, love and children. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

My mistake was in loving blindly. Trusting and willfully believing. Like a sheep I followed him. I’ve learned from that. I am now sure, he did not love. Was most untrustworthy. Words were intentionally deceitful. Was my worse nightmare, not the one, One may be convinced is, but it is him. One who is similar but stronger than me. He gave and blessed all. Those around and about him, while Purposefully with holding all, denying me. Trampled on everything I ever wanted. Chased away my most beloved. Gave me sadness, stole my happiness. I used to spend my awakened moments, Enthralled in praising, constantly singing choruses. Not any more for as I came to realize, after I called. How selfish of a man he now is, I stopped. No longer, Do I believe, he is worthy for me or my praises. As he with held all that was right from me. Destroyed my work, disrespected my efforts. In order, that, no one would want me but turn away. Well now, we are on opposite sides. Whatever

My pain my protection. From the foolishness I would have chosen to do. What I now endure, my guide. Will enable me, get me through. How could I ever allow him; To do the same to my children, As he deliberately chose to do to me? Loving is staying, indifference is leaving. Not caring is not answering or helping. In loving myself, I accepted the truth. That I was not loved or cared for by you. My action, my choice a little disgraceful. But if in telling the truth, I’m vindicated. Then I will be able to move on, not forget; All that you have said, and done as I became. The one left behind in sadness and shame. Wishes never to see your face again, my hope. That is what I’ll hold onto, anticipate my joy. Would be restored, and you, I would not remember. For it is not my trials, I want to forget, but you.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I’ll meet you as my long lost friend. Greet you; put your sorrow to an end. As on the road to new beginnings. I'll lovingly take your hand, never send, Or turn away again, I’ll meet you, love you. Put your sorrow to an end, as I honor Defend; never refuse you, ever again. Take my hand, take my hand. Come rest for just a moment. I’ve considered all you’ve done. Cheer up my faithful friend. For you will truly be rewarded. Where are you? Who is lying besides you? My heart has wearily gotten over you. All I now know is the hurt you inflicted. Has made your words truly unbelievable. For my love, my cries, my children, you've forsaken. Turn away, turn away, our time has passed on. Our friendship, love, like me have all moved on. Alone, I’ve trodden, turned to others but still. I am struggling, my desire were all unfulfilled. It is finished, I want better! Deserves much more than this. Not a friendship that turns away. Closes it eyes in all my distress. Co

Take me away, take me away! All I can think of is my departing. Don't you want to hide away an angel? For even I need love and protection. Take me away, take me away. Wrap your arms round about me, tell me, That you loved me now and always, and that You will take me away, take me away. I promise that I will love you always. I will not even demand any flowers. For that would be one of my best days. Knowing that you’re here to take me. Take me away, take me away. For even angels needs love and consolation. Like an orphan I've been abandoned and I'm waiting, for I'm here for the taking. Take me away, take me away. That would give me relief from this pain. All I want is to be free from my burden. To be able to laugh, be me once again. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Well, my MRI showed multiple benign masses in both breast brought on by hormonal changes. I did light up around both surgical site, and that was of some concern. With that, they recommended that the test be repeated in six months. Personally, I am not worried about what they are concerned about. That is to treat my flesh where they cut me, but that is my little secret. So that is a sigh of relief, but I am still battling with the hurts inflicted by my daughter and unbelieving partner. I want to get as far away from them as I possible can, but I am not sure how I could do that without hurting my sons. Well, until I can figure that out, I will remain as I am. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Shine! As the world closes its eyes. The moon fades. Sun does not provide warmth for the planet. Still Shine. Though your father may have failed you. Others not stand along side you. They might not have loved you. Or truly have known you, shine. IF the constellation’s, no longer align. Your spark did brighten our lives. With your beautiful smile. You shined. No one has appeared and surprised us As you have changing our lives. Do not, give up your light, but shine. If the world closes its eyes, The constellation's are in a crooked line. Do give up your fight in life. Just shine. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I had an MRI of my breast, yesterday. I was told that the radiologist would call me today with the result. So far, I have not received the call. I hate when that happens, for it is never favorable news. I guess I will have to wait for yet another day.                                                                                                                          Still waiting and waiting but I know                                                            I am not a paper doll, I cannot be torn.                                                         Even if my flesh become metastatic and worn.                                                   I refused to be cut apart, glued as if my chest were trash.                                                      More like my grandfather’s old clock, my hope                                                      My desire will not fade, for I prefer to die of old age.                                                        But eve

Wish I could see through your eyes. That your heart could feel the ache, The pain and sadness in mine. Wish you knew, I loved and accepted you. That it was not an explanation I needed, or wanted. But for you to have the same love for me. Wish you understood what I wanted. That you were able to give that to me. Were aware that I thought I found what I was searching for, in you. Wish I was not so disappointed, wanting to close The chapter of you and me that was written. Yet, so misunderstood by many as it were by you. Wish, I could relay to you what I intend to do. But this time, I don't wish anything of you. Only to not be disappointed as I was before. Wish you knew all that I wrote, wanted to say. That you took the time each day to read it. That perhaps will one day, even if I'm gone.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

If I were a man, and met a woman, That I sincerely wanted. I would spear not even my ego. For her love, and her I would glory in. I would use every occasion. Not wait around for an invitation. To convey what my heart wished. The passion, if it actually did existed. Would be rolling off my lips as Though it was as slick as motor oil. If, I did not know what to say. Then I would use the holidays. To send roses and messages of love. If my objective were not truly to keep her. Then I would only politely greet her. It would then be her choice to continue, or Stick around, have a little none costly fun. Until the right girl came along, and then I would do. All that I had to for her to stay and not walk away. This is all I have to say, Happy Valentines Day! xoxo For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

As much as I say, the core, I do not give away. I keep it to myself, for that will dictate The direction that I will be going in, not choosing. For that privilege was always with held from me. I say, I write, not for anyone but for me So that I can handle the travesty that is mine. I wish, I dream, I hope but in the end, the reality Of whose I am, was loved or not cared by will be revealed. Based on the evidence, of tomorrow’s news. I will walk away or refuse to acknowledge That the things that I said, desired or written as truth. But simply my way of getting through a difficult period. I've seen it, and I have said, and it sincerely feels as if I am All alone in all this. As, though, even those who knows Somehow do not want any part in this. More like I am a Chancre or a sore that needs to be ignored. Not an angel, As I have claimed to be. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I fish for the souls of men Unlike seamen who look For things that are valuable To most human, whether Food, and or sunken treasure. If I could only achieve, My goal from a take out window. That would still leave me loveless, Unhappy and defeats my purpose. My point is people means more To me than wealth or money. So the connection and interaction Is immensely important. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I refused to give up. To let go of my dream. As I watch as my friends Find happiness and all had Their babies, I stayed alone. For I did not know where you were. Or where to look for you. No tinker toy, or misty eyes. No kiddy show, I did not know. Just that I was not completed. While others thought, I was complicated. I was just simply a little frustrated. I did not know where you had disappeared to. Your name, your number were all unlisted. Your beauty, your smile, won me over the first time. Now to hear you say that it was I who turned away. Should not have been this complicated. Wish, I knew how all this was related. Or that you felt the same way I did. I would never have walked out without Saying that I love you, lady. That would have been love, validated. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

It has been almost nineteen years, and I had forgotten. Many years earlier, I met a young girl with a voice that I thought, parallel Whitney Houston's. As I introduced myself to her, I told her that if I ever got married, I wanted her to sing at my wedding. By the time I finally got married, the young woman had been attending Julliard in New York City. True to my word, I asked her to sing, the same, "I will always love you," that Whitney sang. I, however, rewrote some of the words because it was not my intention ever to say, goodbye to my husband. She sang the song with the adjustments, I made. I do believe all gets married with thoughts of happily ever after. That there are few who would plan  a premarital ending. Yesterday, I was thinking that anyone who has been married for a long time goes through trials. That the reason some marriages last fifty years is because those individuals willingly forgive each other. I would agree that, forgiving was best, but I wonder abo

If I’d ever married and divorced anyone. It would not be property I’d want Or try to escape with. It would be my seed. That I'd hide from view. It would be my son. The precious one, that was shown to me. It is written that he would be my greatest Accomplishment, and no one, not money, The Government, political empowerment Could remove him from me. Honestly, I want my son. It frustrates me that you don’t. I informed of him in the way I did because I was angry, I'm sorry, I was indifferent! Ironically my present situation is preventing him From being and I frustratingly also tried to ensure That he would not be. That was foolish of me. But how could any understand unless they are me? For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

My dream love, sweet love. One that movies are made of. The miracle that gave birth To the beauty that joined us. My dream love, sweet love. My mind is consumed with you. The wonder of your handsome face. My dream love, my sweet love. I was secure in your presence. Even when others tore me apart. My dream love, my sweet love With you, I over came that too. My dream love, sweet love The comfort I need to hold unto. My dream love, my sweet love. You alone can elevate my mood. My dream love, the sweetest love. I have confidence through loving you. That all my troubles will melt away, For my dream love, my sweet love. I am content only when I'm beside you. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Oh Jerusalem, finally! I’ve been waiting all day. Specifically to hear From my sweet friend. My Beloved, my thoughts Are always with and of you. I’ve been listening to their many Messages and reasons; crushed my heart. Never again will I allow them to do that. For where I long for my flesh to be. That is where I will find comfort, and peace. My spirit and mind lingers none of these, Can any longer console or give joy to me. Perhaps while, your beautiful face was hidden. Buried in years past, only then could they comfort. Not any more, for they have all betrayed, frustrated. Placed a dagger which severely wounded and defeated me. Serendipity! Unearthed and flooded me with memories of you. Which can cost them more than they will ever know. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I am not going to settle any more. I am going to swing my hips And head right out the door. Not going to listen to any more reasoning. So do not waste your breath, I am finished. Know I do not want any more regrets. I have had enough of that, from being your Footstool to your puppet, so here is what I am going to do. I will say so long to you. Just will not tolerate any put down or let downs. I’m not ever reconciling with the one who never loved me. I’ve tried that hence I am now in this awful place. It complicated a lot of things including my future. Broke my heart and closed it off to all mankind. I will also do the same, to those who added to it. That I can now close this chapter on them. Never associate or ever call them friend again. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

This is me, as I am, a little exhausted. From dealing with the challenges of this world. As a regular today’s, sort of girl. I work exceptionally hard to stay positive. But seriously gravity is actually my worse enemy. All this stress has certainly affected me outwardly. Still, I believe that I should be seen as if I am eighteen and my many years of life Had no effects on me, and I am still vibrant. Appearance is undeniably high priority to me. So one can conclude that I am vain. I would not lie to you, I am that too. I dress up and strut my stuff in the same Manner a lot of American women do. Am also clueless at times, as if I do not Have any idea as to what’s going on. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I know it is simpler not to believe. That I am being afflicted, my claims Parallels that of my angelic being. For my mission, my purpose, I held back. I say there is no justification from lack Of knowledge because of my standard. Beliefs that one should never turn his back On anyone regardless of differences, economic, Status, religious preference or other reasons Man places in front of doing the right thing. If you give to the poor, but turn away family, What quality are you? A harsh lesson, but If I sincerely loved you, then I could suffer for you. If it meant that, in the end, you would be saved. So I chose you over me, stayed silent, and speak only now. In order, that I may get to know the real you, and I have, Learned from my experiences, sincerely hope it was worth doing. My intentions were to be able to judge all men fairly, as I teach you.

I knew you not as family, yet that was the relationship. The attraction between us, as I passionately watched you. It was in that way I cared, glad I did not say anything. For your knowing that might have changed history. Made an enormous difference in your relationship with me. Would have undone my Father’s intentions, as you his chosen one. Might have changed my life, not have accomplished my purpose. It was painful and still is. Did not come here for any one human. But like every young woman, I welcomed the fantasy attraction. One that most women dream of, love and affection the perfect man. Of one who chose deliberately to look after me, momentarily, You did, then to my dismay you chose another and turned away. What did it matter if you were a relative, for now you do know? That was not the kind of love I had for you, and being family does not change that. I only act, say or do, no matter how I am affected, according to my mission. I get no validation, words of comfo

Oh Jerusalem, The beautiful! As I watch the sun rise and set On your magnificent, I yearn for Nothing other than to be with you. To be able to see, be consumed, As I delighted in the warmth of you. I'd gaze upon your face as you smiled. Wish we could embrace, I long only to put Your heart and mind at ease, comfort you. How could I ever leave you, forget The one that I loved, not even for a day? Jerusalem, my artistic angelic friend, I will never turn my face from you again. You, I would always support, for your warmth, Your words, love songs have restored my faith, My joy, I have become nothing more than A spell bound man lost in hopeful anticipation. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

What, how disappointing! Reflecting on our situation. We did not live recklessly. We ate, prayed and played together. I even allowed him to lead. How could my life be crumbling? If you take a little time for this. Do a bit of that, follow it up With two mature professionals. A devoted man, and woman. The nuptial would remain intact. Disaster would never come close. Then why is this happen? We did precisely as they taught us. But did he lack trust, I lost faith in us? The best facade for a fairytale matrimony. Along with not knowing how to exhibit love. Or is it that I was unaware or did I forget? That true love is compassionate not blind. Would be aware of the person, or my being. Know my character, my potential, when I needed A little help, to be held and know my weaknesses. That could have been the root of the problem. Alas too late, I am realizing, we did not know each other. So take note, some times one does not know, who they live with. For more of Ruth&#

Is Revelations 12, all old information? Isaiah 54 truly past? Have I already Forgotten the shame that girl inflicted? Is my husband alive or dead? Of which husband is this referring? God would not turned away in anyone's distress. Then, why is it written, he turned away for a moment? Was he seriously betrothed to a literal City? Yet, It is true that, in the past, the City was captured. That today, he is taking care of her, and not me. For I am still living in captivity, and severely distress. And not comforted by him or any one else. If that were solely of the City that the scripture speaks, Then how a City could become a widow, be ashamed. And confounded because of their youth? Did God died? Was that the death of Christ, was the father not still in the sky? Well I was just wondering, but I know all the know it all of today Could probably explain it, and you would believe them as opposed to me. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My R

So as I have desired to do and become and did not, perhaps because my heavenly father did not want me to. I realized in the same manner, I will never have a workable relationship while I walk the face of the earth. For a while, I stood alone without genealogy, and without my true identity, and all those my father selected, rejected me. Perhaps apart of me knew they would have, and that could have been the reason I did not desire a partner. Even the one, who chose me, eventually rejected me. The one, that was related to me, and who I showed my real identity, thought me scary then, he also left me. I guess, I suppressed it for a time, but I now remember. There is no point to living the way I have been living the last few months with a lot of resentment. It is not hurting any of these people but me. I am the one who is constantly upset by the rejection. I even chose children who would not have had any kind of future, and gave myself to them, and they, in turn, did the same thing to me.

OK, I tried the ant- carcinoma medicine, the one that might have caused me to go into menopause. I took it for three days, but the muscles in my thighs became extremely heavy, it could hardly carry my body. This is the reason I am frustrated with my heavenly father. He places obstacles in my life in order that I cannot assert self will. In the same way, whatever idea I come up with in order that I might get out of the second part of my purpose continuously fails. I willfully tried, but the choices became paralysis or do as I came here to do. Why I say whatever happens could never happen if my father does not allow it. So what choice do I have but to wait for whatever events that would liberate me. Needless to say, I am not happy because some of the things, I wanted in life from my perspective would not have been a hindrance but served to enable me. Yet, he also kept those things from me. This is in the forefront of my mind, and is what has caused me to become resentful. I am tried

As an angel, I protected you. Would not have wanted Our love to have disintegrated. Longed for our friendship to be Preserved, for it to become what My father intended for it to be. As a person, I am at times unaware. Had to be reminded of this again. My heavenly father recently told me At the time, he revealed your purpose. I struggled with it, still is unsure about it. I searched for answers, images of you. Only to come to grips with the actual truth. Father, Father, how could you, ask Yet another difficult thing of me? Not that I do not honestly love. With that, I defiantly informed you. As, though, it was you, I was angry at. But so, that you may choose to leave me. Apart from the fact that I was disappointed. My defense is always to turn and run away. It is written, in the right day, that I will not. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

My beautiful playmate. How about a play date? We could rediscover The lightheartedness, The link that joined us. Only our carefree laughter, Will soon be heard. No more awkward silence. How could I miss the Happiness that illuminated Caused your radiance to turn As bright as the rising sunlight. I saw it too, as it unveiled you. The darkness that followed After I lost you, my love. How could I forget? You made it easy to remember. My angel, my cousin, my friend. I never loved anyone else. Oh, how dreadfully sad for Jerusalem! For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I meant it when I said, all people Ought to be loved and respected. Learn to think outside the box. If not, you end up hurting someone, You may eventually care a lot about. Who are you? Where did you come from? Was any of that truly relevant? Where a person Desends from or even their parents profession? His daddy was a physician so that meant He was Mr. big shot but will eventually Be sitting in the heat wondering, how's that. Not after all his good deeds and righteous Living like he’s blameless and I was not. Questionable, to say the least, but innocent. OK! Do not think he will ever get to see my place. Not because of this but because of disbelief. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Never say never to what you did. I had no other choice but to leave. Now you aren’t so perfect, are you? Been telling you, it is not because of you. What you have done, did or anything. It was based on the fact that we are related. If not, in the end, you would have been Fanning the flames with the other idiots. Just in case you cannot tell, now I am upset. Boo-hoo what can the pretty boy do? He left his family stranded, not him, he would Have never done what he already did. Does the situation matter, if it were surgery or not? For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I would not hurt my girlfriend. But definitely back away from The girl who claim to be my cousin. Hey, world they exist by the dozen. I got lots and lots of all shade of cousins. Hoola –hooping, barrel looking, stick figure. They come in all shape and sizes. Who am I To be criticizing what anyone has been doing? I got me some extreme reaction from my kin folks. It is no joke; they keep writing, sending me notes. Hey cuz! What if we hook up and catch up. Perhaps we can make up for my ignoring you For say the last twenty-nine years, how about it! Why should I believe it? Where have you been, When my heart was punctured and bleeding? Your Heavenly Father must not know, what’s Happening in this world if he thinks, we're related. Why should I be kind and protect a bogus relative? For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I was not related to them But I am to you! I have been trying to tell you. That I am your second cousin. The reason you were chosen. You would be defending Essentially protecting your family. In keeping with my customs Quite a few relatives are spouses. I have said this several times. Why I am exausted from repeating myself. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I keep thinking that you're like me. That the things I remember, you do too. As I remembered how I would light up. Gave you a smile, as I bowed my head. How you often playfully responded. The things you said, that disappointed. Then it occurred to me that you are not As I am. That you are completely human. Might have forgotten the light, you had seen. Which one has ever forseen a wife, their future? I know, he was chosen but he might have forgotten. Is not even aware that I am the queen of heaven. What does it matter? I am on earth now, and the reality Is that very few knows me here, or that I am here. I must be invisible or it could be that light is transparent. Therefore, it cannot be seen by the human eye. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

It is not about his name. It’s utilizing the situation. For the purpose to earn. Finally, to be able to walk Free from guilt, to be liberated. Would you not want that for me? Why I say, you do not believe me. It takes faith to be convinced That even as you have seen, or not That the son that is to come is as I. But who can believe that there are angels Currently walking among us. Or that one was chosen to be Partner for a specific purpose. Why should I even bother? I am tired. People are extremely fickle. I've had enough. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I have learned a lot. I’ve learned who loves, And who loves me not! I do realize that you doubted me. And it honestly does not matter. It is not I that will be affected. But you in the end, that will be. For me, this means that you chose. You selected the other over me. Again, Like before I accept that.. You will no longer hear from me. You will, however, hear of me. What is there for me to regret, my sorrow? Or is it the condemnation that will be yours One day, that saddens me? It is precisely. Did not want for any that I loved to perish. Oh for the fool that focuses on the now. Oh for the stupidity that will do them in. Perhaps not now, or do they realize How short their time with me will be. I’ve said it over and over, wanted them To be aware of it, for it was relevant. One day all men will stand before me. As they have lived, I will deny or accept them. As many as the grass are the sons of men. As many as has passed so will all of them. Which will ev

This morning, I woke more determined than ever. I found the weapon, I needed to win. Unfortunately, I am now convinced that I will. With that, I will change up some things. It is my father who chooses people, and he does so for the benefit of his purpose, not necessarily mine. While I was going through the worse moments of my life, I cried out to him and from my perspective, he did nothing but turn his back on me the way he always does. As an individual, I had dreams for my life. I was drawn to few individuals, but now I also know that those were placed in my life also by my heavenly Father. From time to time as I came face to face with some life altering events, I reached out to the same exact individuals, he selected. To my disappointment, just like he, and all other humanbeings, none of these availed themselves to me. I do understand that I am currently married, and I am sure my heavenly father selected him also. He, also like most others does not care about my personal wellbein

Hey teeter-totter girl and boy. Up in the air, down on the ground. The love that was supposed to lift them up, Has out grown her and turned him down. Hey my teeter totter girl on the playground. Lonesome, left alone in the world. Skin like chocolate, ice cream and vanilla swirl. How about some whip cream to pick you up? Don't look down, but focus on your game. Life's not always easy, breezy or glittery. Results may be fashionably late but, Handle life like today’s kind of girl. Don't welcomed any put down, just silky, Elegant, classy and supportive witty. Teeter-totter love that no one can live without. But know how to fit with teeter-totter loving. Dedicated to all the Unforgettable play-mate! Now obviously home without a date, it's never late. I'm styling, smiling, thinking of him, perhaps not now But definitely at a future date, we may communicate. . For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

You are choosing not to aid your relative. It is not assistance for him that I seek, but it is, For my release that I plead. I am asking you. To deliver your second cousin, not a stranger. Is this how you treat your other family? Ok, perhaps you do not know, as I did not. Wish I knew twenty years ago, but I do now. Still twenty years are like yesterday to me. So I am now, imparting it to you. I know it is different For you, than it is actually for me, your words still Resides in the fore front of my memory, scary, scary! I felt horrible, hearing those words as they poured From the one, I admired most, so I walked alone. That was not the way, I wanted my life to proceed. But it certainly shows that I am not in charge of this. I experience, I ask for help then, I am ignored by you, My husband, my partner, the authorities and all. Why is that so hard to believe, when you are doing? Identically as all who has to date refused to listen Even if I am as I am an angel, or yo

What are you contemplating? The hour you will deliver me, Or the many ways you have not Cared, turned your back and Closed your ears to my cries Perhaps it is my fleshy disguise? Why is it that I had to turn to others? Why do you persistently refuse me? Why not him, but me who now gets to suffer? Whose daughter, am I, God’s or Lucifer’s? Who is the master of disguise, the deceiver? Why did you lie, you choose to leave me? I feel as though I am being continuously denied. It’s your servant, the one you choose over me, That I will not ever associate, or ever walk with. Not while I am clothed with flesh, or if I'm in the spirit. You can say to him, "good job," to me, "we are finished." For that is what your actions the last few years has said, Has shown me, that I am on my own and left without. You can deny this too as any swindler would also do. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

This has been one of those few days where my spirit was so grieved, I could not see past the next hour. I was so afraid of truth, but the fact that I feared was not at all factual. Yet I wonder how my heavenly father could allow this to go on. I had to come to terms with the actuality that one of my daughters has no kind of love or attachment to me. She had done vicious things to me in the past, but I never thought she was capable of her current fabrication. I had to convey to her that she was no longer welcomed in my life. I could never willfully hurt another being in the way she has hurt others, even if my wrath were directed against another who hurt me. This is indeed an extremely sad day for me. With each passing day and my experience, I know it is to shape my future. I see my God removing people from my life, while allowing others to stay around. In my heart, I feel that this is unjust, and it is putting a wedge between me and my maker. I think that is his choice and something

Who understands purpose, the way I do? Nonetheless, this process, my daily struggles Are disconcerting and unsettling as day by day, I face the actuality that I have to experience All these things, I am grossly perturbed, conflicted. It is difficult not having one who openly displays love. Or the kind of comfort that I am so desperately in need of. My journey is gritty with all the sandy wind Throwing dirt, in my face. I am not shielded. I cannot see another person or relief within view. I have a long, lonesome road ahead to dredge through. My determination to push those away that placed obstacles. Indifferent to my position and stay, as they looked away, Continue to walk on ahead as though helping is not required. Display of love or concern could enable or hinder me. Or give to me my hearts desire, how foolish! Are they all fighters with fire or with water power? I did momentarily listen, attempted to see, how any Would ever work with me, my anxiety keep me station

What kind of person sides with a defiant teen? Turns his back on a woman of integrity? What kind of man refuses to recognize beauty, The light that encircles to preserve my being Simply finds me to be scary, with that shy away. What does it matter if I hide my love under a rock? Who would that benefits or ever profits from that? Who of those among men needs an angel to advocate, Relate to their challenges, struggles, things that hurt most? Yet I am not only here for them but also for others, as well. Although, with each passing day, as I deal with my issues, I am frustrated, I feel that I am losing more than just my self, Also, my love for men, my father, my partner, in addition to you.  For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Nothing says love quite like A hug, a kiss, I’m thinking, Purely of you, can’t wait To be with you, see you, Share my day, my every Awaken moment, my dreams, My visions the truth of me With none other than you. What is more, refreshing, quite lovely, Than one who always considers? Is willing to share, give of  him self freely. Like a cool breeze on a hot summer’s day. The fire that warms my heart in every way. The water that quenches my parched soul. The treasure that I am longing to get a hold of. The honey that satisfies my sweet taste in life. Such a one would be the greatest love of my life.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

If I am here as your servant And all you did was dump Constantly refused to help Ignored and hurt me, How is that any different, From any of these who rejected, Condemned you, when you are the Example, they are supposed to Pattern them selves after, or did you them? Yet, you followed them, convinced me of it. You displayed the same attitude as my Spouse, Daughter and all others. The lowest of ingratitude. As I had to let go of her for my sake, the same I need to do with you because all this is doing Is eating away at me. My chest hurts from my Constant distress. I am now a free Agent. Desiring nothing other than to cut all my ties. But in my heart I'm already through with you. Because you continue to not care my entire time here. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Who did you care for from the moment she was born? Who did you escort as a young woman and lend a hand? Whose boy did you held, comfort, and dried his eyes? Who did you comfort when they cried, hers or mine? What is it that I am deluded about, who you loved, Was passionate about had compassion for, or your refusal? Contempt and the nasty words you wrote to me, speak volumes. Why say that you love, cared or would do for me? Why do you only want me, when the world accepts me? I accept I was not your choice! If I never accomplish my goal Or if I do, I would still be as I have always been, alone! When did you ever help me, cared about my aspirations? Your agenda was always your priority. I was not even secondary, Simply insignificant to you. Well I will follow in your footstep. Place all you chose as seconday. Much more overtly Unlike your cowardly way you have hidden, what you did and my person. I will return the favor

You have failed me once again. Not that it matters this time. Perhaps it is the physical city, You loved, for you did not give. Showed love or compassion to me. The foundation we have is filled with rejection. Refusal and hatred, not acceptance and care. I reflected on it, grieved and now I will separate. Move myself away from you and all of them. Then again, that might have been your motive. Strength given me to turn and walk away, forget. Them, the wall that will shield me from everyone. Who can ever penetrating my heart again? The guarantee that not another man could Ever hurt or come within yards of me. Perhaps that was your plan to use me to destroy them. I know that nothing is coincident when it comes to us. You purposefully pushed me away. It took many years. But, I became angry, and now I am, and I know that There is no turning me around. We will never be friends. Not ever again, but obviously that was what you wanted.

I asked both men for the same. Would you please defend my name? One spouse the other, I thought a friend. One out rightly refused, the other also, just not in the same way. It is not love to refuse to do that which Would justify my response, gave my life. Poured out myself for all their benefit. For that, not a single human cares. As always they support p erverseness , the State, The thief, The drug dealer, murder, child molester. Just not me, your servant! I am secondary to all these. Father, tell me, how could I now, Extend compassion to either of these men. One has seen, the other closed his eyes. Chalked up all my claims to simply manipulation. Nothing but fantasy and all lies. Would I, Could I honestly as the kind of being that I am, Stooped that low, way beneath all the drudgery That is repulsive to human? Am I not revolted, By error, all the perverted ways of men? This is the reason, I do not want Micheal My son, to ever come here as a man. They are ver