Rah Times

I am the old Jerusalem! Is it that I look different? Or have I been replaced? Clothe in an unidentifiable way. Why was it written that the new Descended out of heaven? As though I am no more than A City, a structure with a wall And twelve doors, no children. What became of me, the angel? Guess, everlasting is pretty short. Not as long as we all thought. For it is also written that God loved Jerusalem with an everlasting love. Does Godly love pallor or is different, From human’s, the way they treat their, Chosen with honor and respect? Is God’s love worth attaining, or losing? Guess the answer to all these things, I am also gleaning. Is disappointed with My station among other things. I also became a victim, can identify With the loveless and forgotten. Those I tried to empathize and work with. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

While I worked as a nurse in the emergency room, about once a month, an individual would always come there. He would always seek me out and fall all over me, washing in tears. He would often take my hands and place it on his back as if, he was seeking healing. After he had made it a habit of doing that, I began to find it quite annoying. I in general avoided being touched by anyone. When they did, I would say, please, do not touch me. After I had resigned, he came to mind. I wondered who he would seek out, if anyone. At that time, I was still oblivious to my own being, although, I had some awareness. If I were fully aware, I would have told him the other also worked in the same place. There are individuals that I would touch in that very manner for the same purpose. I am generally not presumptuous and acutely discrete, when I comfort others. I can provide support to others, but can hardly do so for myself. I did not come here to heal or for my own benefit. During Jesus’ first appea

I will have only one earthly life. During this time as I lived here, I was dumped not shown any love. Of what importance is it if I was desired In the past? It is this life that determines Our relationship in the next. You are either with me or against me. I was not the one that choose this, you did. People's attitude and responses are explicit. I'm no man's fool, rejection is blatantly evident. Your actions, words were all extremely cruel. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I am not rejecting my son. I do not want him to know The same pain, I am feeling. I held, loved and knew him. Watched him play, he was. Always existed, just like me. Anyone that partners with me Will always be protected. Or is sheltered by my light. Just as in the photo. Same Would be destroyed for denying. One day the world will know. That I lived walked among them. My earthly partner will always, then Be known, either as my supporter Or my oppressor, lover or rebuffer. Whatever I say, his relation was to me. This is the reason Revelations 12 claims, I am clothe with the sun.

Not answering is an answer. Based on that I will do. To give my mind peace and rest. Which means twelve years ago, I had my last and final child. He is Celestial like me. Just not Michael, the prince. Tomorrow I will see my doctor. In order to get the chemothearpy. And, that may result in some prophecies Not coming true or being true of me. Not that it will give satisfaction to me. But be a relief due to the impossibility that This choice would created. It would cause me, To never again choose to partner with anyone. Especially those that deserted me during this time. I promise myself never to lament again. Simply to retreat and to go silent, as things Draws to an end next month, it would mean The loss of many in the future but I would be As indifferent as they have all been to me. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

People see what they want. For many has turned a blind eye To me and to the reality of God. It is all written, yet not even the intellect, Comprehend or can interpret it. In the case, of my family, Jerusalem’s Daughters refer to my daughters. As much as one has victimized me And disrupted our household. The one that selected me remains, As blind and ignorant as all the rest. Chooses not to care about my welfare. I stopped listening. I’m tired of excuses. Man is so dense has no idea the result for Turning away, against or placing fault with me. Seriously, unless I was deranged, why lie. Why claim, any of these things, needlessly? I have to come to terms with my reality also. The difficulty of being me, being left alone. The rationales, I am no longer holding to. The promises of the future I am letting go of. There is sincerely no benefit in any of this for me. My home is secure, where ever it is. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My

Cannot place fault on that City. My halo was activated After I enter a cave filled With Hindu Gods and other I assume, evil spirits. It is always certainly not Visible to the human eye, Only when galvanized. It is a protection to prevent Evil spirits from attacking me. Men do not know me but They most certainly do. This cave was in Kuala Lampur. Malaysia. It takes time For my flesh to settle down, After encountering the enemy. There was very little sunlight, mostly Artificial lighting and me of course. I was still on alert when I got to Singapore. On the club level in the Manderin Oriental hotel in Malaysia. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Hey, let’s go to Singapore! I love it there, we could disappear into a world Of our own making. Gardens, lights and fabulous food. Shopping where our language Is perfectly understood. That City is so inviting Has the best pearls in the world. It's like an Asian Hollywood. With all its designer clothing and goods. It is clean and welcoming. Look at the picture below. At my smile and my glow. My halo can be seen event because of the beauty around me. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I am always beside you. Take a minute to reflect, Thinking primarily of you. At times, I am held back deafen, can't hear anyone. Contemplate what I would do If all were quiet, would I calm down. If everything were shown me. Would I actually only be, Thinking, wondering considering? Would I still doubt, be assured or have reason  To never turn towards you? Instead, I wish I could be next to you. Not just in spirit but to feel your breathe, As it flows in and out your nostrils. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

The air was horrendously thick. My words fell heavily, Must have been the impact. They couldn't penetrate the ear of any, Too complex, quite like my spirit. Brought me more difficulties, Truth appeared as fantasy. imagination' not proof. Belief, born from folk tale, denied it. Saw it as a lie, manufactured in my mind. I was hidden, for my sake, so no one could know, its simply complicated. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

As the son slowly rose up. I watched him as he played. His rays appeared to stop as light rested. His reflection was identical to his father's. I hanged my head as I listened. sorrow for him. heard the playfulness in his voice. But his intentions concerned me, his words promoted him but hurt me. My soul searched to know. My ear longed to hear, love instead I felt disappointed. As his voice rose and fell, mine hardly ever did. I give up, turned away disinterested. I cared, but instead, my joy faded. Not my beloved son. I stood quietly, sadden, sympathetic. He failed to grasp the error of his father's action. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

What do I want to do? To walk away from all? Even him, them and you. I write to get pass. Deal with my past. There is but one thing, That I've been waiting on. If it doesn't work, despite my cries, my efforts, My broken heart couldn't handle it. My decision never to trust, live quietly on my own. To go silently, refrain from talking. I’ve suffered as a result of choices Both mine and that of others. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Yahweh’s goal is to reveal to the world. The unrecognizable people of Israel. Some people were called and some chosen. None based on what they have, But many because of who they descend from. Like Uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters. That's exactly how the child's Father was chosen. Based on his biological link, his ancestry. We do not take away from the obedient. Or anyone who carries out the father’s plan. We do not punish and discard for refusing. But for turning one's back on God. So if I or anyone urge, do not to chose God's. That would be the most devastating advise. If one chose to turn away, he would be condemned. Salvation does not come from seeing or knowing, But through belief in the messiah that was King. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

It Baffling, illogical, That one would trade their soul For material things or earthly wealth. But wonders at times comes from irrational Behavior, but the longer I'm man the more Confused I become by certain behavior. If any condemn me or think I’m crazy. For settling and tolerating. And think their choices doesn't have consequences? That's foolish thinking and bogus.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

When words escape me. I ponder: If I missed something. Lost out because of lack of communication. Words are powerful, And explanation gives clarity. Although when expressed by speech, Words alone is not a sign of love. Words are the tool that reaches out. But though actions we know care. A thought is the seed that sows but words, is the weapon used to disperse intent. So use them very carefully. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

At the end of the day or is it the beginning of the morning, I awoke to realize that I'm in this fight alone. The question I need to answer is: How much longer am I willing to be confounded? I feel as if I'm without emotional support. As is his custom, my husband once again place fault with me, for another of my daughter's foolish actions. He knew I was upset because I called him about twenty times and he failed to answer in a timely manner. To discredit my anger, he justified my daughter's error by placing blame on me. I keep going back in my mind to the time when this behavior of his first started. It became evident two years after we were married. I reported a sexual offender and the way he reacted to that parallels his current actions. I know that he apologized, but that was after he put me through hell. Even then as with every other instance, he does not take responsibility for his responses, or recognize his pattern. I am not saying that I am without fault

Consistently when I am upset, I long for one thing and that is to see my home. In the past, I had to ride the waves until I became pleased again. Today, I decided to do something about that too. I asked my two daughters that were at home if they wanted to accompany me on a drive. They said no, so alone, I drove an hour to the gulf. I have childhood memories of sitting on the sea wall and looking as the waves crashed into it. The smell of the sea and the splashing waves always calms me. The site today was nothing like what I was used to. Here, it was a foggy mild day. The sky was not visible only the mud from the bottom of the ocean. I also failed to capture the familiar smell. Nothing was the way, I knew it to be, identical to my life. Instead of focusing on all that it was not, I did another familiar thing. I wrote two poems and photograph my disappointment. That was me!! That was the way I spent the last eighteen years of my life, writing and documenting my experience and observa

I once wrote in a poem, that anyone that plays for the opposing team would never support another that is playing against them. That is the consistent attitude I see displayed in my husband. It is obvious we are not on the same team. When I finally heard back from him, he insinuated that I was the cause of our daughter’s behavior. With all, she has done, that was the last response I expected from him. Last night I could feel the ligaments tightened in my chest as I spoke to the authorities, and again when my lawyer friend got here. I stayed for as long as I did in my marriage because I felt I had no other alternative. I now realized that I do. Of course, the quality of my life would change, and that might have been the root of what was holding me here. After today, I realized that if my choice was to be poor or die. I think I would chose poverty. After all, I claimed to love the poor so much, and I once tiredly advocated for them. Why should I be afraid of that state of being? It ha

I'm severely wounded, Though I'm not the beast. It feels as, though an elephant has trampled, stepped all over me. Love, Oh love, where is your compassion? Do you not care an iota or a little for me? Husband, oh chosen one, where are you? Why have you desert, discarded heaven queen? Son of man, do you now have second thoughts. believes, I am nothing more than a wretched woman. Father, look at where I am, my chest hurts from stress. How could you have forgotten your beloved lamb? Left me alone, buried in my distress. Oh tear drenched face of mine, when did all this flow begin. Oh sorrowful heart, please do not fail me now. My troubled mind needs to be healed. Delicate, chosen one,  I cared for, taught, fed and loved. Know that I have stayed this long, to fight for you. I would never walked away but will restore your peace.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Sadly, I had been trying to reach my husband since 9:30 last night and still have not heard from him yet. I was so nervous and scared, the attorney, I called came and stayed with me until 3am. He offered to stay the entire night, but I was in my home and did not think it appropriate. With that, I apologize for calling him out in the middle of the night and told him, he did not have to stay with me. Before he left, he had told me if I needed anything do not hesitate to call him. I thanked him, and he left. I am at a lost and sincerely do not know what to do. I feel that whatever my husband does it will not be out of concern for my safety. I cannot believe I am right back where we started, alone and defenseless. Cannot believe that my heavenly Father would have chosen to abandon me also. This is a not so happy morning from last's nightmare. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

My chest is exceedingly heavy. On Wednesday, my husband dropped my daughter that has been giving us a world of trouble off at school. Later that day, he received a call saying, she was seen on camera leaving. Three weeks ago when she turned 18 she was discharged from a residential treatment center. With her still having another semester of high school credits left to do, I registered her in a charter school. A week before discharge she said all the rights things to try to convinced us that she was reformed. I did not want to appear skeptical; therefore, I was extremely supportive. I had all intention to be accommodating. It took all that I did not possess to go along. Our daughter had in the past because or her strong will and wishes to do as she wanted, made false allegations against me. It angered me because my husband did not defend me and from my prospective was supportive of her and not me. Since that call came in, informing us that she had left her school campus, we don't

I wanted to make that trip. To see that magnificent city. For I have never been there. I was trapped by my responsibility. My need to uncover truth. I buried my desire under my realityand inability. In search of answers, of all that bothered me. I allowed myself to wander. And I wade through my past Found consistency in my emotions. Those I loved and admired yesteryear I still do today, yet I missed My opportunity to be with them. But unearthed a fantastic gift of creativity.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Why allow evil to prevail? Reveal to them, show them, They certainly will not win. You sit high, up in the heavens. Sent me here to toil for you. To what end, Live in confusion, attach dishonor to my name? Am I not yours, equally as he? Why give to him and reject me? Why allow Lucifer to triumph? Am I secondary to him? I will not give a reason or offer excuses. No matter situation or purpose, you deny. Hide me as though, I'm cursed and not truly blessed. I asked for help both you and others refused. You made me a slave and her a prostitute. To what end, to ruined my reputation? So don't expect anything from me? You made it clear you will never assist Not if it's not for his benefit, for I am least. My work, my time has no value, only his. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

These are all my children. Yet, not all of them are here. One was college bound. Another in her confusion choose Simply to disappear. Because of her ideas, she missed this spectacular view, And also the joys of being with family. She selected as many do, The trappings of temporary enjoyment, Or was it her fear of confinement, The demons that pushes us to be uninhibited? but same hinder, causes us to feel defeated, and our then phobias become true in life.                                                           View of Manhattan, NY. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Mother, who is your daughter? Can I actually give up my son? Walk away before giving him A chance, deprive him of being? Was his fate not foretold? It's written clearly, just not the date he was born. But why then his fathers all deserted me, cause me to turn my back feel hostility towards you, Do you not agree? Choose actions that would deprive him. Does not matter what he’d be. He has not even been planted. Yet His spirits already exists just Not his flesh, so he already is. Just will not ever be a human being. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

If what I now realize is true, Then my heart aches for you. I do think about you often Am terribly uncertain, don’t know What it is that I can do for you. I have always loved you, but I also, Had my doubts and apprehensions too. When I looked at you all I saw Was your beauty, not your misgivings. Did not realized there was a wounded Child that lay quietly, trapped inside Of the girl who once chose to wave. Left such an impression with that smile. Who would not love her, want her? I too was a lonely hard working guy, That longed to have someone by my side. Did not realize that it would have caused You eventually to push love aside. Beside what have I ever done for you? Caused you to have waited, call upon me? I was unsure, now like then, just did not know How to reach-out, connect with you, but I wanted to. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I’m letting go of the plans He had for me, walking Away, writing a new history. They believe if he says it then It must be, but not so with me. I’ll be the author of my destiny. I’m sorry that you didn't choose me. It saddens me to see the end, of our journey. But this is the way things have always been. I know all that you have imparted. And I'm now a hurting person. Why then cast nothing but your shadow? What then if I choose to love another? Just enable me to live entirely free, rewrite history. They would never know, as they all doubt me. I only asked for this one thing from the beginning. But instead of helping all this you denied me. With that, this and you no longer appeals to me. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Look up not down or around. For your father resides above. Do not allow them to trample. Pull you down to their level. Don't allow them to triumph. No one will claim victory over you. It is true, your name means Pain and Peace, but man doesn't know this. By your new name, your a genuine friend. a beautiful lamb that needs to break away. Oh Jerusalem, the prophet Isaiah wrote. Centuries before your troubles began. The Father's message, reassurance. Written just for his elected, chosen one.   For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

God, why does it seem as if it is you, That will be my rescuer and prince? Yet, I remembered all you said, I’m confused. Could I have also misunderstood, got things All mixed up in my head, but how could I? I know you! Know the difference of what You did, would not do, things that are Characteristically true of you, is not so of him. I heard his conversation with his friend. Heard him say, he thought I was just a black girl. I know you knew that I was mixed heritage. So why would you say some thing like that? Am I mistaken? For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I have considered many things. I have even considered, considering. What I hope to gain. I wonder! At the beginning, that I didn't ponder. Being mindful of how much Thoughts have gone into all these things, I was wondering if I wasted a lot of time Considering, instead of acting and producing. Although my mind is on many things not just My writings and I have written about all that. Each day, my mind and thoughts, are filled. My play, my husband, my children, my life. My escape, my victory, things in history. My future, all the things I have given up, gained. From choosing to do what has now become difficult. Has induced a lot of thoughts and all of my writings. My situation has given and taken my life, my love. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Interview with an Angel! “Tell me what is it, that a young angel Would actually consider that a man Could assist her with?” I had to catch his eye, hold his interest. While still maintaining my reputation. Not consider I was uncomfortable. As I watched him flirting and courting. He didn't consider I was another person. I was disappointed when I chose to walked away. Did occasionally think of him, want to see him again. But pushed all thoughts aside and kept going. As a person I was oblivious, but not the angel. Do I seriously need to state the obvious? My human desires could get me thrown in hell. I need to let go of desire and pent up frustration. Yet as a person, All I did was cater to people. Mostly the despondent ones, as I sat down with them. The drunken ones, I'd clothe and converse with, Even the drug over dose addicts, who never learned to quit. It was the things that I did for others, that kept me going, Caused me to become tired and weary. G

Told you several times. You do not have to reiterate. Know you no longer love me. You clearly demonstrated that. Convinced me of it, fully grasps it! Your actions spoke impeccably. Ironically, that was all I was imparting. Kept repeating, that you did not love me. Now I am saying that it would be a curse If you ever did because of your past actions.

I know that Holy does not Curses the love it respects, inflicts her with agony, self doubt. ignore and humiliate the crushed. Trample upon her even more. after pushing her aside, but covers her more, convinces her, she is loved and adored, not bring shame by lying. blaming her for his mistakes. the way he did. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

You sincerely cared about me! Am I here as everybody’s fool? Or perhaps only to see them as evil? Who if they can help it walk away From someone they sincerely care about? I am learning from this situation. No need to answer. If I ever doubted, I will no longer ponder. I have all the proof, you were not a friend. Why I kept your e-mail as a reminder. That this is truth as from your person. Time my friend, also defines true love. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Because he could not find me. Does that mean I did not exist? It was more beneficial to him To have any one, than to wait. With that, he now pushes me away. Closes his eyes to my every situation. No matter the affliction, what I ask. He simply ignores, curses and call me crazy. Yet, it is written that I left him, not true. For all that I endured, he is the City's reward. They will afflict and hurt me more and more. For that reason, I now want nothing from him He is no catch or earthly reward to me. Only a reminder of the many ways he failed me. Wish I could relay, to you all that I endured. He placed me secondary to everything in life. Similar to this one who currently calls me, his wife. Yes, it does make me feel that you did the same. Why I may actually turn my back to you in the end. Want to simply walk away from my own children. I have tried to explain to you, to relay the truth. Now I have no one else to turn to, don’t know myself. What I will sincerely d

This is all in the past! A woman had already. Delivered a son. Sent on an airplane. The wind and rain has Already tried to wash her away. Oh you of microscopic intelligence! Who is the prince among angels? Told you, we wrote the past and Future together, the City and Angel. Situation is not only of her but both. Like a King is to rule in righteousness, And a Prince in Judgment, they are two. We are here to judge, understand men. To save and justify them, not me. The reason, he left me was to accomplish that. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

He was so proud of his wife! I saw it, heard it in his voice. Once I could plainly hear him. Then it is as if he’s gone silent. Husband and relative to me. I would have chosen not to mutter A single word, sake but to smile. To have you return that smile. Not to say a word about my son. Yet the concern should not be for him. But for the beings that came before him. Have a little compassion my dear, For the sons you already brought here. Expect, I asked, who had empathy for me? For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

How could I forget, my todays, your ways? Give you credit for what you refuse to do? But I have a reminder tucked away. Least I forget the way you set me up to fail. Who will I love more, keep my disdain for? The one who did not know or one that ignored, Me and my desperate plea for assistance So I could deliver myself, forget about this. Although the reason was because, I would also Refrain, then continue to do for the future Of them which may actually give more or return them To a state these have only heard about but never knew. I promise myself, that I will tell the truth but still. Walk away, for I do not have love or reason to Want to do, continue, I desire but do not sincerely want. Nothing other than to be finished, this is a reminder to me. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I do recollect this. What I do not recall is. What I remember about it. Flashes of memories. Of Sarah, my mother. The woman the bible Records as my mother. The comfort of holding My sleeping son close. To my body, his father Reassurance I am yet to Know or may never feel. For he is yet to hold me. My emotions as I tussle. The seen and unseen. Promises I could do without. I have no doubt, my home Will never on an Island be. Yet water soothes and calms me. For as it is written, I will reside. For a time, times and a half time In the desert. How awful ironic! For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Yesterday is tied in with today. That is what they do not comprehend. Is how we wrote and said it, as though. It was one but actually several of us. Like then and now is the same for us. As we existed then, in the present all at once. Understand, as they can only momentarily do. I expound it yet they remain all confused and Clueless as to what they read, lacking the capacity To see that the motives is eventually to hold them. Not actually me captive. I'm the obstacle not the target! For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

This is the reason, he said, To pray for Jerusalem. For she sees their charitable works Is primarily to help them self. Why she wants to terminate her mission. Allow the devil to win, not bring Michael Here to fight for the future of them. What was she given, who assisted her? What will she or did she gain by blessing? Doing this for a people she does not know. Is she truly cornered? Not now that she knows. For if she leaves, she did not actually lose. The irony is it will mean that Satan won. One day through havoc, they would understand. The cries of them from yesteryear Will be the cries heard again by their future. Shed not a tear Jerusalem, simply walk away. What they do not understand they will learn. For when they refused, it was not her but Themselves they chose to condemn. The End! For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I made a mistake! Who would seek To destroy me Discredit him. Other than the snake? The truth generally wins. So use it, before Micheal The archangel comes in. Manipulate my every situation. Let him believe this is a sin. And to what end does he do Use parts of the truth, hide Behind his goals to destroy All my relationships, cause Them to fail or not to exist. Get others to thinking, I’m manipulating or crazy. That is the reason I’m writing. Recording our conversation. Cannot trusts him or anyone. No matter what is happening. This is about the spiritual battle. Between me and him. To prevent Michael from coming in. He almost won, so far is winning For I was convinced, became discouraged. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

As if, I had washed up on a deserted shore. With nowhere to go and nothing more than my desire. To find my partner or another love, I searched. Only not to find, but only to discover you had left me. As though I had become skilled at losing, I also lost him. In addition to losing my past life, I had no other choice. I had to sort through the relevant and the unnecessary. Then to let go, or get swallowed up by unfriendly enemies. I had to free myself of the heavy load in order to proceed. Advance to the next chapter and not remain unsure. For if I were to stand in one place, where would I be? For my improvement was not his priority, but mine. Certainly was yours at one point in time, just not now. I am not truly naïve or blind to any of these things. Although, this I find disheartening, I understand the lost. For in losing, I gain a wealth of understanding in the Human condition, intentions, is ready to move forward. But still is baffled by your choice not to have wa

You are right! He knew. Still it made no difference. In as much as in knowing Your identify, they crucified you. So why then, did you leave me? Did you sincerely believe that they Would have respected or cared for me? I was your wife, yet you abandoned me. Now I do feel as if it is them against me. I still do not have your affection or support. Also, know if I fail to do, he can still be. Michael can come though you and not me. But it is not his coming, that worries me. It is the position I am in, it is frightening! For even now, you display no concern for me. Why should another being do what you didn't? For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Proving, he did not love me! Did that show that you did? Were you there for me? Did you assist me, love me? In knowing, what did I gain? Knowledge that you didn't care. and that he didn't too. How did that help? Hope you are now happy! Brought us division for life. I never intended for him to perish. Would not have inflicted any, In the harsh way, you did me. So tell me, who Michael, the prince Among angels',  father truly is? Who did he support, fight against? In my joy not my heart break I believed but you and I are finished. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

The way people some times portray them self is not always, how they are. As I contemplate the things that have happened in my life, I ponder the intent of another. Why were certain things told me? Why was I told that a particular individual would help me? I certainly now believe that I do understand. It had nothing to do with that individual, but more to do with my perception of him. If I sincerely believed he would assist me and he did not, it would most certainly change my view and jeopardize his intended purpose. I am sadden by that and feel that was terribly underhanded. Who other than one that knows me better than I know myself would do something like that. I form bond or relation with people based on their rejection or acceptance of me. Once I remove myself emotionally there is generally little hope that a bond would be reestablished. A person can rationalize their responses for all eternity, and it would not mean a thing to me. To avoid those precise reactions, I do not often

Amidst teenage chatter Random laughter, TV blasting, I had to ask, why all the noise. Then came the surprising answer. From none other than my husband. Because we are all human. Was that sarcasm, a hint of awareness? I ignored him, he obviously is not on My team, unsure of what it is he knows. But it is clear; it is not for the love of me. More for the convenience or fringe benefit. For my presence, I am expected to remain. To give the impression that he is doing well. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I remembered that trip. Thought I was through. With my current obligation, When I actually went on it. Saw a school trip on the flight. Met up with a familiar friend. Quite a few Houstonians in London. Now that is what I would call, scary! For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

To London, Paris, France. When do we leave? Are we there yet? I would fly away. And have no regrets. If my current troubles Will be washed away and I forget. If when I look next to me, The one seated on my left Is he, that was chosen, Father, lover and prince. Rescuer, and re-newer of my dreams, All I have to say is, when do we leave. My bags are packed, and I am waiting For my ticket, then it would be "C' est, la vie." There's no need to say, 'goodbye!' For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Puckering, fussing, and kissing. Laughing at your computer screen. Forever the hopeful romantic. Believing in the deliverance By a voiceless prince, pretty similar. To the ineffectiveness that disables. Does not bring change or offer anything. The best thing that is happening, now, Is that I am inspired and is writing. For when I am content, I do not think. Can hardly produce, or write a thing. I wish for my play to be complete by that day. To have enough poems, not only to fill a stage. But as this age ends for it to be nothing more Than a reminder, to be thankful for each day. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Learn from your surroundings. Grow stronger from your sufferings. Gain understanding from experiencing. And joy from finishing or overcoming. But there is little joy or reward in a person. That has hurts or disrespected others. Even if they professed not to have. If, all the evidence shows that to be untrue. Those claims are extremely troubling. They linger and plague my mind continuously. Not that I deliberately focus on it, as you remain. Trapped, I am profoundly bothered as I contemplate it. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

A pleasure, not a predicament, I'll never let her down. I'll write our theme song, of love and moonlight kisses. Flowers and daisy will line the path, As I walk daily with my lady. Like a world wind, that no one know is coming, I'll sweep her off her feet, she's a lovely person. I promise that I'll be there and I'll love her readily. A different response from the person who left you. If it is rest from the busyness of life, that you want, I will provide a serene place with a spectacular view. All this for the girl I saw as a charming lady. Not that I truly ever knew, that this you needed me to do. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I want to be content Not to be shy or bashful. Just simply happy, the way I used to be, even at The mere sight of you. A light hearted skip, or kiss. An uncomplicated relationship. A delight from occasional Tulips. Sent to say, I crossed your mind. And because my happiness matters. Only after contentment has returned to me. Will I peaceably embrace my written destiny. If not, my emotional struggle will persist. And I will continue not to care about my blessing. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I tussle, is anxious. Longs for nothing Other than liberty. I am fearful. How much longer, Will I be deserted? I wait, but have no faith. Cannot get pass history. Time and time again. I feel imprisoned. My mind keeps moving Like a caged animal. Trying to figure, a way out. It is not my today, But certainly my yesterdays. That caused me to want to escape. My fear is that I will remain. So now I am anxious again Wondering when I'll be free, Or if that would ever happen. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Sister: I’m sorry, I used to Push her away. Refused her company. Didn't want to play with her. Recall a time when she was unkind When those two called me lazy. I used to get tired lacked energy. I get fatigue pretty quickly. But I'm certainly not mad or crazy. A dreamer perhaps, and a writer. but not a talker in person, not even To my sister although I lived with her. I'm sorry about not spending time with her. The reason I said, time was My only friend, for only, time. Can prove or change hearts and minds. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

Most of last year we experienced a horrible drought. Well the year 2012 has only just began, and it has rained, so much that my property and the surrounding area have flooded. When it rain, it pours! I step out my front door, Only to discover water. I could hear the droplet. As they fall on my window pane Dancing like today's entertainment. It was not that long, for water, I did long, now I have a lot more, Than I could have ever asked for. For more of Ruth's poetry purchase, Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.

I’ve watched you. Not with my eyes With my grey matter, heart and soul. As in the future you fussed and. I sat uneasily. Troubled by sight. Every one disagrees. That wearies me. My son sat next to me. Where oh, where is my Significant other, husband Deserter, agonizer of my soul? Perhaps it would be better. To sit alone. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Even as there were several pathways. I could take from the subway. He guided, lead me to take the way to you. I knew that your role was of significance. Did not quite understand it then or now. All I could do was keep reminding you. Repeating that you would be rewarded and blessed. With not just a single one but several little ones. Just did not fully grasp your lack of action. It is true that there will be about a major end. As many are predicting, but it is not the world. Just the end of my captivity, or the time of my delivery. And it will be as was written. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

You had no intentions Of delivering me. by your word. One would assume You would personally. "Why should I bring To deliver and not cause To come forth? Would I the Lord bring, To delivery and close the womb?" Oh how little, does man understands. I need to be delivered out my situation, after all that happened, will I continue To reproduce, have other children? Why did you take credit for this? Made no attempt to do it. They may not know the reason I say, am angry, it is because of the word, All that was said, how you inflicted me. What ever you were, you are not now. It was best, that you abandoned me. That you chose never to care for me. Want no part in this deception. The reason I now openly speak the truth. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I saw you and life through a veil. It protected me, separated you, Kept me from loving, knowing distorted my view. Allowed me to filter, see the quality. I thought was the person of you. But I didn't think you would have failed me. As I unveiled my self, I became insecure. The unknown pretend girl felt unsafe. The world does not know but my regret Not knowing about my spiritual abandonment. Have you ever watched or stepped aside while others inflict pain? Refused to step in or to do anything? Hide and walk away support the other side? Wanted you to see my face, that was my mistake, frustrated, I wanted others to know as well. All that got me was more scrutiny and doubt. But not you, for you had already turned me away. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Can you not see? Only for a second, Did you embrace me. For centuries, it was he. That was my associate. Felt that you shown me. The reason I went to him Only after you were not.  Again, he is all I’ve got. Look what happened When I chose a human. Cannot repeat that again. Did I not recently extend? The possibility to you. Even though I am nervous. I am fully man and angel. I do as all other human. You did not select me. Not as a significant friend. Even now, you do not care. Refuse to acknowledge me. I have my own pain. Why should I empathize? Just move on. The End! Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Love her a lot more. Hope she appreciates. your even more. Adore you because You chose her, refused me. Wanted to be blindly chosen Although I don't know The feeling, can only imagine. What it would be like to be unconditionally loved. You gave your self unreservedly to her, Place me under scrutiny, To see if I would fit, But you lost your opportunity. This time, I hope that you look back. See you had me twisted and tied up in knots. And I'm not rebelling, just saying. I protect myself, by retreating. will happily. with time move forward. and I'm going to. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The past is now. The future was. And is written. We will change it. Don’t commit to it. I released you. A long time ago. I was wrong. To have told you. Keep moving on. How could I say? I loved someone, Then expect them To do this is wrong. I sincerely don’t. It is my obligation, I will get it done. Keep moving along. I honestly tried. Would not hurt anyone. I was not a free agent. Did not want complication. Could not just do as I wanted. My father did not tell me. Not until now, I am truly sorry, I regret all of this. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Like any organized game. Anyone who plays for a team. Would not support another who is playing against them. One that is not my father’s Certainly would not choose me. No matter circumstances. I would never have their support. Or would they join my alliance. It would be equivalent to my beating My head against concrete. The hopes of remolding, conform matters not, or I carry. Whether they parade as a friend or family. I needed to be aware of these with reason. To know for certain, who is trust worthy. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

According to Isaiah 52, I will be released from the current bondage I am in. He claims that I will not take flight, which I interpreted as leaving in haste the way I had in the past. I read these things, and I wonder if they are to give comfort to me. At times, I wish I was truly delusional, and then my anger towards God would be crazy. At this time, I am not pleased about any of this. I honestly feel that no matter how it turns out, my rage will not be quenched. I wanted out of my current situation, eight years ago. With each passing day, the chance that I will partner with another human is highly unlikely. It is improbable that I would love another, or brings another child like me in this world. Why should I? Sure I would benefit from that, but as often as I was left to sit in this muck, I have reason, not to. What is it that any man has done, that I should extend to them such a gift? Some people do understand that there is life after death. There are many others who remain indiffe

A few days ago, I went to a wellness center to seek alternative treatment that would lessen my risk of having breast cancer. It cost me money I did not have but hopefully in the long run it would be worth it. On the home front, my husband and my inability to communicate have not changed. After all the struggles of last year, our views on my daughter’s potential remains unchanged. As we try to make a decision to allow her to graduate with the minimum amount of high school credits or the recommended, it resulted in a fight. I believe that our daughter has too many challenges and, therefore, should do the minimum. My husbands see her struggles as being in the past and believe she is fully capable of meeting the maximum requirements. I know how much engaging in battle with him and her behavior has affected me. Yet, it remains extremely difficult to stay indifferent when I am present. I have honestly done all that I am capable of doing and need to let go. I will always be who and what I

I did not select you. My father did! I only do as instructed! Here to do several things. Including identifing with The rejected, abused, Deserted and poor excuse. I am also here to abound. In the second go, around. Your selection quite frankly, Mainly, had to do with your Biological relation to me. Your beliefs and love for me. All these things the father knows. I only know what I have been told. Also, know he will change the impossible. Because of various things in life, I'm indifferent. Certainly care for those who love my father. For them, a lot of passion, I’ve got. Just not for this ungrateful generation That does not appreciate or respect him. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Who set the standard of, right and wrong? Am I not fully cognizance of error? Is it not man’s doings that will save? Or eventually cause his destruction? His choosing, disbeliefs, acceptance Denial of God’s servant that will Eventually determine everyone’s fate? Oh Master, look how much, I have done, I was a virtuous man. Perhaps so! Did you hear my servant's cries? Was that not the one you disregarded? Did you stand by and watched uncaringly, As she withered and died because you refused, Choose for her just to die? Why did you? Was it your pride, ignorance or indifference? Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

It is not about losing me. It is about his mortality. Whether or not I will keep Or as God obliterate him. I have honestly tried. I’ve done all that I could. We may be living under grace. But I see no difference in him. Why rescue one, and not the other? Thought beliefs determined this. Not if they are biological relatives. I have told both the truth. One believes because he has seen. That is the one that should be undone. I am simply tired of all of them. The reason I want to abort my mission. As unfair as you have been to me, Do you sincerely expect me to extend Love and mercy to any of these? What would wealth and fame do for me? All I ever wanted was to live in peace, With those, I know sincerely love and seek After you, not these that is self serving. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Love the sweet smell of victory. Peppermint or cinnamon aroma That sometimes fills a kitchen. Grandmother’s laughter was Infectious but no longer is. She drew me in with her stories. Instructions for living.  I seriously loved that lady, guess God knew, reason he gave me similar features to hers. The face I see, when I face a mirror, or reflect on her words. assures that I will never forget her. I look at myself. recognize her Unless I lose my vision, my mind, I'll be comforted for I'm as strong a woman as she was. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

In a playful boyish way, he flirted. I glanced at him but did not fraternize. His playfulness and his pleasant smile, Boosted my spirit but I hid it and instead, Shifted my eyes as I deliberately disguised My feelings and diligently kept at my task. The only sound heard could have been The many pins that often fell noiselessly. Was always on pins and needles myself. Very much aware that I needed to be vigilant. Not a squeak or a single word did I then speaks. I stood motionless trying to hide my interest. Within seconds, the smile disappeared from his face. Now I ponder, what caused his interest to cease. Could it have been his apprehension or my position? Dared not say what I was then feeling, should not now. Was not like me to mix work and play, or to disobey. I welcomed the love and attention, he needed more. Just was not the best time or right place, so I resisted. When the tables finally toppled, he is now doing the same. He was certainly not as cheerful, wa

I took life way too seriously I am only now realizing that. Never have I bare-footedly played. Or splashed around in a sprinkler. Learned how to swim or ride a bike. All my other siblings did, just not me. I was always so preoccupied with Spiritual things, all my friends knew this. What I am now saying is that I would like To frolic and play, for I am finished. I've set the foundation so I can now look up. And hopefully, both life and I would be different. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

As I walked across the stage Determined to take my place. This was to be the performance That showcases my conversations As a being, lover, mother and wife. I quickly glance at the audience. Do they recognize my face, realize That what they are about to see was more Than presentation, they will actually hear the high and lows of my thoughts. All will know hear of my highs and low. There is not a roller coaster that has been made That has my spirit, or that is so out of control. As far as my poetry and art. Are they so vividly honest. Is this a solitary show or am I truly one of a few, Whose work and will continues to get ignored? For whom will the final standing ovation be? The author, performer, or as is expected, an actress? As apart of the theater experience, I play along and bow. I do as they do, I ignore, deny, place my head in a bubble. To what end, avoid trouble, pretend I'm naïve, unaware Of their conclusions dangers that loom around me. I lose my

The circumstance of my life Is directly related to our undertaking. Why as much as I am afflicted, I endure. Rebel, cry out and feel unappreciated. Bombarded and ignored, by people in general. I promised myself that I would refrain from this. Need I write again, was that not enough? As attractive as it is, it still hurts somehow. Feel like the worse time, complicated as always. It is not just my life that will be affected. Although these appear to be so indifferent. Non-caring, unlike the three that I bore. It is for them that I lament and worry most. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

It was the most breath taking view. Looking down at my magnificent son. He briefly opened his eyes, I was astonished. They appeared hazel or grey, like my mother’s. So peacefully was he, as I walked to a window. Then what I saw after was not real, had to do With our world and not the reality of the scenery. We were both suspended above the earth. I kept looking down but had to move on to our Appointment, the reality of my now situation. I'm not a Queen, nothing but God’s servant, and was cornered. Even if this doesn't get to be and you refused me again. All I ever wanted to do was to protect all my children, not force You to have to choose to do this, its your choice. Choose your life, that’s the reason, I placed this in your hands. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

All children of promise Came through couples That descended from A specific Hebrew tribe. Selections are determined By beliefs and genetics. God knows who would do As they were instructed to. Or all his plans would have failed. Had he not selected the right people. Why he indicated, he would help, Referring to the one selected. What a difference it would Have made if every one knew. Would have defeated the purpose. Awareness as needed, even to me. Mattered not, what we now believed in. Most important is the intended results. I am apprehensive and frustrated too. Know that I will be harshly criticized. But that is apart of everyone’s life. Like the business person that takes risks. The cautious dreamer that always resists. An innovator was chosen because they do. Not a coward that hides and buries the truth. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

If I had any earthly say, My life would have been All fun and lots of play. And nothing like these days. Felt like I hurt you indirectly. That you inflicted me intentionally. Took my carefree spirit away. I know this sounds odd, but actually is quite true. You preferred others. I accept that, still it hurts. I'm not the same genetics From which your selection was made. Your selection was rationally based. Mine out of desperation. sadness. Though I cannot authenticate, this as facts. I believe that. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

This has only recently been revealed to me. That timing is every thing and I knew, but only subconsciously. To have an authentic experience, the future's hidden and closed from view. Our time, even my step calculated. Life and path centered around him. Felt awful that this had to be told to me. Was hoping that our time was known. obvious as I held unto the beautiful. But never for a moment, Thought it would be he holding me. For it was I who taught him to crawl. But it was he who delivered me, When the timing was right. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem One that I truly loved. How could I have left you, Turned my face away from you? But who has love ever fed? For the craving of the stomach many chose to wed But does their union survive? I, Jerusalem loved and desired To give my affection to no other, Than those that is literally starving. Whether for food or for love, It was them, I mostly thought of. If, for a moment, I loved myself more, Those that suffer, I also would have ignored. So tell me traitor of me, did you get All that you admired and wanted more? My soul tells me that it was the other That cared and will dare to care. It will be he, that will shelter and protect. Not only me but your other servant, as well. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Did you not say, he will answer? Then, where is he, with his lover? Well, it is his right. For I am not, Outwardly available to anyone. A little slumber, a little sleep. The keeper of my soul explains. Or does he, as all of heaven weep? For the Prince will soon join me. What is another day, another hour. It has been twenty or forty-eight years. Seem more like yesterday to me. But I experience dimension differently. I simply cannot do this, said he. I love you but cannot assist you. The answer from one but not the other. The one I am related to by our mothers. Hence we have that natural affection. Although he does not even know it. The cosmos will not reject it. And I will not be ashamed of it. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I earnestly attempted to flee. Wanted to get away, elude My written destiny, as always None other than the Lord Put a stop to my cowardly Attempts to escape once again. Friend, foe, or lover of my soul is he? Look at the option that he has given me. Move on, live out my fate. I contemplated Getting away, to simply flee or continue To do what has hurt me, or as I was bade to. Made it easier for myself by leaving it to him. So now he can choose to do, or turn away. In my heart and mind, I wrestle. How could I have done that to him? As timid as I am, I refused to be frank, Completely honest, I avoided the truth. By hiding his purpose, our intended relation. Except in poems but how could I admit to this? I would never have except I felt forced to do it. So now, as I await a response I am anxious. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

They talk as if they know. How little do they realize. Yet within themselves They are thoroughly convinced, Of all the lies that they teach. Know that I will be criticized. According to prophecy in the bible They will surely gather against me. No wonder they are nothing but smoke. In my father's nostrils, it is they that will be Ashamed but that will not be true of me. Not a single part of my purpose is easy. The reason my heart has now failed me. Why I am now hiding behind this veil, Of words and poetry that hesitates Then dears to reach out, only to a few. What is my broken heart supposed to do? As it is written it will be, for my father. He has never failed to do what, he’s begun. A shiver in my knee, as the days moves on. I prepare, sadly, my spirits silently grieves. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

In my defense, I was trying. In this life, I developed ideals. Things that I truly believed in. Then I realized, this is not what I want to leave as an example. Not only for my children but also For upcoming men and women. I remembered when laws made Was to protect women from Being abused or used as property. So how could I, by my tolerance, Cause them to want to do as I did? Still I placed the hope of a nation. The fate of other women, in the hands Of another, who may or may not realize it. Oh weak fearful heart of mine. Wish, he realizes his importance. This is not only about his son. It is about the future of women. As the world come to know who And what I genuinely am, he was given, An influential role in the history of man. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Oh daughters of Jerusalem! Why were you so strong headed? Neither did you listen, follow, Believe and choose to obey her. You have caused Jerusalem to not be a place of refuge. Instead, she is searching, Longing for a safe haven. Oh captured daughter of Zion. Longs for nothing but to be loved By the one, that is called the Lion. Yet she hopes for another, to rely on. Oh magnificent future of her womb. Your mother has placed her future in your hands, Yet she doesn't know who your earthly father is. Yet, at the sight of you, she greatly rejoices. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.