Rah Times

I knew you once thought about me. I felt it, picked up the phone. Only then, to place it back down. After the feeling to call you had passed. Later my father explained my urge to me. In that moment, your thoughts were of me. As you reflected, my desire, the drive to call. At that exact time, was extremely strong. The deterrent was the annoyance you displayed. When I made the exact last phone call to you. Ever since, I've fought my intuition to reach-out. Make that call to say, that I cared about you. I have explained and enlightened as best I could. Hope I did not leave you with doubts or confusion. You see my tendency is always to do for others. To the detriment of me, why it's hard to simply leave. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

My daughter finished rehab successfully yesterday. Today she turned eighteen. I am pleased, and I sincerely hope that she places her focus on finishing high school. When I was around the age that she is, I left my parents to come live in the US and stayed with friends. I can recall some of the frustrations I felt that came from being away from home, although I was never a wild child. Upon observation, no one could conclude that I was away from my parents. I never had a desire for what attract others and I was always intensely goal oriented. I know that my situation was hugely different from hers. Still, my desire is for her to over come whatever gets in her way of attaining an education. My temptation is that as I consider that she will need a lot of support in order to accomplish that basic task, I want to be there in the way, I had been. like a mother hen. I pushed my feeling aside to get her the help she needed, even as I started to develop health issues. I'm still, so tem

My life is on the line. Would you purposefully leave me? Will God continue to abandon? Has He not already gone? Left me here to suffer, And perhaps to eventually die. He left Jesus, why not me! Although it is said he was selected, A little concern, a little sympathy. All for the woman, not the angelic being. That is currently the situation, but not for long, Unknown to the world, but I'll announce it. And get a display of genuine affection. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

When you said, you loved me. I did not answer because of Where I was and my surroundings. After all, I have written, the poems. Still, you do not understand, is wondering? It was not your lack of expression, or mine. Or your display, it was not the right time. What my conscious mind was not aware of, Subconsciously I knew, but had to move on. Did not quite grasp that the moment was now. Quite honestly thought it was back then. You were selected for this very purpose. Your reward will be a whole lot more. I told you before your actions would save Restore my life and this was what I meant. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

You should not do or choose to do Based on who and what a person is. That is not honest and actual love. Love has no restrains, is uninhibited. Is what I have been trying to explain. Have been expounding, imparting to you. Genuine love is blind to identity, boundless. Reaches out regardless of doubt, limitless. In the face of opposition, it still persists. Even when consequences, prevails. May or may not be inflicted, yet, it endures. With the absence, of these I am conflicted. I see resistance and indifference, not as love. For of all these things, I am sincerely convinced. Yet, at times, I feel as though you once cared for me. Other times, I don't, for the indications are few. What other travesty need I endure, to be sure? That you truly do love or not love or want me? I’ve repeated myself o’er and o’er. I know love. I just have not seen or felt it given me by you. Not when you leave me to suffer, and not help me. But, I believe my father, that it’s you, wh

I hurt them as much as they have hurt me by writing about their behaviors. Yet, I am not being forthright and as detailed in explaining. I came here for the experience and based on that I will judge and do judge men. I wish I could tell my friends the truth, but unless they have seen, I cannot do that. I have already revealed more than I should have. Although, some things would be better explained in person. I was extremely apprehensive about writing this article, but felt it important for the sake of my future relationship. My unique difference is that, people live in the moment, but I can see past that. It was what caused me to reach out every time that I did. Yet when they refrained, it confused me. I cannot comprehend how I could choose  any one who does that. Yet, I can, because my current husband was also chosen. For those precise reasons, I do not see any difference in him from I do others. Nothing with me is co-incidental, my path, destiny is all in the hands of the creator

A nod, approval for the one I loved. For she was the woman, I wanted most. A smile, a wink for the girl I truly admired. For she, I treasured and mainly sought after. My years, my undivided attention for my wife. To her, I will dedicate the rest of my life. My compassionate blessing, free from strife, For this chase one, when I am at the height of life. A treasure to have and hold, for a long time. On her, I would spend my every, or last dime. As I, the professional ladder climbed, it was her, That remained and was the focus of my mind..

It was after I realized who I was, Who you were, that I became angry. I could not comprehend why you Had simply turned and walk away. Drugs and drinking was not an excuse. Perhaps a reason, but not quite convincing. Apart of me kept everyone at arms length. Did not want to bond with any of them. They still behave characteristically like cave men. Although, they think them self far more superior. How could you leave me, turn me over to them? I had no defense, had to keep my identity a secret. Where is heaven? How could zion leave his daughter? These do not truly know, perhaps the reason I am still free. Walking around as though I am honestly one of them. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

You pushed me away, not the reverse. The first time, I considered your proposal. But you had already selected, cut me out. I was disappointed but accepted, wanted you. Even to understand that and admitted to it. Perhaps I did try to force you to do just that. But it is particularly evident that I was left alone. Tried to compel you to say, you were sorry. That certainly would not have been an apology. It appeared as if I deliberately chose to walk away. That I certainly did not do, now it is your recent refusal. It has certainly caused me to want to protect myself. I certainly now believe that you are not to be trusted. We are presently talking about my future earthly existence. While others may not realize it, you do know the truth. I will have to make a choice, do what I do not want to. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Who is it that's answering, was it, you or him? I heard you when you said, you would not help. I cannot tell if it is him or the king that answers. Just remember that I hear, not that I want to. Ever wondered why I at times, hung my head? It was a combination of things, for I was shy. And why would I not, if I knew your thoughts. It was for you, I sincerely wish I could have told you. I am not tinker bell, or can put or cast a magic spell. I am an angel with all attributes of a human being. There is a few unique characteristic but not a lot. If there were I certainly, would not be in this trap. The reason, I cannot do this alone or without help. Why I became sick, and hungry and tired myself. If I could but cast a magic spell, I would be gone. Be sitting somewhere far away from where I am. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I anticipate a much better year. Was it not I that wrote once, That faith is not nothingness. So what am I supposed to do? Sit around waiting to be rescued By my illusive self consumed prince? Need I prove to him that I am, family? What for, is that truly a requirement? Need I ask again, have I not before. In order to be ignored some more. Not exactly what I was hoping for. But is it not persistence that works. Even though you first said, no! Am I supposed to ask and ask again? Is that not how this industry works? For every yes, there were twenty nos. My apprehension has everything to do with Who I am as an independent minded woman. I hate having to depend or submit to any one. My nature holds me hostage, I’d rather defeat. Think about it, if you truly knew who I was. Let’s say I was your niece and not just someone You had arbitrarily met, while walking in the street? Would you not have chosen to treat me differently? I do not see a ltruism in the helpers

I feel that I know but only one. Actually belong to him and you. But it is only the one that rejected. That I was the closest, most attached to. Whether I stay here or flee to the desert. Some of what I say and do was written. My dreams and thoughts are to work, Live, be along side, as I partner with you. Sometimes I see and dream of the day When I get to see you and hold your hands. Only once before had you, or he embrace, Slipped his arms around my then, tiny waist. That was a long time ago, wish I knew then. But I do now and yet it does not change. Cannot undo or stop a single solitary thing. I should at least get more than I've been given. Want to get paid for my thoughts and writings. To have you stand beside me, not just as a friend. But as my manager, executive director of every Thing that I aspire to attain from here on out.

Poetic expression can be as unique and personal as one’s fingerprint. It is not as marketable as a novel or even a picture book. Not everyone can appreciate poems or poetry. One has to have an artistic mind to love and appreciate my kind of writing. The person, I am today is the one I always was, artistically. As I watched a movie tonight, I saw the metropolitan opera house in the back ground. The first thing that came to my mind was how much, I like and appreciated the arts and I tried to recall the last time I was there. All those who came to know me personally, knew to say, would you like to go to see a play. I would go, not for the company, but for the rush that I get from just sitting in the audience of the theater. As I write, (Conversation with an angel.) it is my hope that I will one day be able to see my work on stage. My first book Controversy/Fantasy or My Reality does not have a story line and is only a collection of verse. This current collection has the making of an exc

Realized that he placed all Before and ahead of me. They have all hurt and rejected. By refraining or by lashing out. Even the prince, once did the angel. Unsure of her intentions, she certainly Comprehended his then, selfish desires. So I guess the future has been decided! There will be no more looking back. Her heart has already departed. It will all be regarded as mere fantasy. What do they care? Only she will be affected. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

He is comparable to that tumor. The one I had incised from my body. Not something to have or hold unto. Certainly not a future to look forward to. He just did not care, not for a moment. Only to prove that I was to him, all that I feel. Not a love torn apart, but one he pushed away. Avoided from the very start, just a disappointment. Not a trophy wife, but the woman cut from his life. One that he’d rather disown than admit knowing. So now I hope it pleases him that I feel the same too. He will never have to admit that I ever existed, again. I hope the one he married finds out, what he did. If she does not, I know in my heart, all this is true of him. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

It is not death that I fear. Just no longer desire the partnership, Of the one, that is responsible for me. He brought me here, only to reject me. To deny my very being, that was the worse. The source of my hurt, my fretfulness. But now I have this issue looming over me. Women that bear five children or more. Are at a significantly lower risk, than I am. Of ever developing breast cancer. At the moment, I am at a much higher risk. For having the kind that is estrogen driven. If the estrogen is blocked, that will rectify it. But would cause me to become infertile. Would no longer be able to bear a child. Which would be suitable, but that is a problem too. It would eliminate one risk but give me two. Would be at risk for heart disease and other medial issues. The reason, I initially refused, reconsidered my options. Who and what am I most afraid of ? Not man! And certainly not death, that would only return me, To my original state of being, transport me to my home.

Why should you hold me when you never have, Hidden me; sheltered and protected me from harm? I truly never meant you any damage, I was wrong. Should not have insisted that you needed to understand. If you have ever been there, supporting, caring me. I would never have become weary or undone. The stress and pressures would not have inflicted, Caused my body to break down and become pre-cancerous. Wish I could believe you, wanted your words to be true. Even when you did nothing but cursed, and got rid of me. I made a choice, but I will in the New Year change it. I need to do this for me, for you would use, but never love me. Will do as was recommended, and will close my womb. It is written that I will not, but according to you, I’m not, The one of whom those words were recorded and I am, I quote. A delusional girl with flight of ideas, who does not matter. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

She’s leaving, what a surprise! (Echo) They broke up. He’s grieving, tears in his eyes. (Echo) They broke up. Child’s not behaving, doubt in his mind. (Echo) They broke up. King’s not supportive, refuse to be kind. (Echo) They broke up. She simply crazy, not quite Devine. (Echo) They broke up. Perhaps dumb and lazy, certainly not mine. (Echo) They broke up. For the Prince truly loved her, angel to him. (Echo) they reconciled, As they broke up, what a surprise! Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. The prince has won the angel heart. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah! No longer will they be apart, Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. It was her; he loved from the start, Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah! Now they’ll have a brand new start, Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah! She has gone to live with him. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. As she should’ve from the beginning. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. All of heaven is celebrating. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. He’s now her only next of kin. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. Then comes the royal wedding. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah! Just wish that she had never left him. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah! Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Merry Christmas to those that celebrate it, have an enjoyable, relaxing day to those, who do not. I personally do not like the business of the holidays but participates for the benefit of my children. I am not entirely sure why we celebrate a birth that took place two thousand years ago, that is here once again. Well I do know the reason. The idea is that it started with a gift and led to the transformation of the lives of many. Well the first part was completed a long time ago and the work continues. They celebrate because they are not aware, but who would believe my report. In a way, they are aware of a few things but if we do not explain to them, they can never figure it out. Ah well, at least they cannot say, I did not tell them. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The most positive thing about the last year and a half is that it showed me who I cannot rely on. There are always those that would continuously watch from the side lines and never get involved. In this life, I find that more people turn a blind eye than the ones who stops and render aid. However, no matter how difficult or unbearable a situation is, there are always something of value that can be gleaned from it. I am unsure what the purpose of my struggle is at this time. However, I can see that my list of acquaintance and those I now see as friends has drastically reduced. I generally prefer individuals that require nothing from me other than my company. Not that I am unwilling to lend a hand or be there for those who are close to my heart, but right now, my family preoccupies most of my time. With that, it is difficult for me to be there for others and it frustrates me when others place demands on me. As I struggled to understand and to seek solace from God, I found him, unca

An example of how support made the difference in the face of a challenge even when exhaustion was evident. Watch as one of my daughter wrestles and our family cheering enabled her. As a mother it certainly not my desire for any of my girls to wrestle but I believe that my position is to be an encourager, not a discourager.  Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

This poem: The Lamb, by William Blake was my favorite poem, as a child. Back then, it's significance was not as profound to me, as it is today. Today, as it came to mind, I know that God still speak through the words of men. Yet, if I were to take this as a personal message to me, I can say, it is not enough that I'm his creation. What would be the point? Would it be to show me his failures, mediocreness or greatness? Who wants to survive while others live? I know that I do not! Anyone that have a better quality of life can believe that I should be grateful or satisfied with whatever he has given me. I wonder how many of those would have done what I did. God alone can answer the question as to why he created me. I challenge him to show the world precisely that. That he is deserving of the title of “Father.”, to me. Little Lamb who made thee Dost thou know who made thee Gave thee life and; bid thee feed. By the stream and; o’er the mead; Gave thee clothing of delight,

As I reluctantly decided to let go. I watched as you slowly but determinedly Turned to walk away, I hesitated, momentarily. I could not entertain my feelings, it was unbearable. Did not want to flirt with disappointment, know pain. Supposed I knew it was the end of the season of us. Fantasy was ending, Reality had set in. In time truth will flourish and be harvested. I had a job that needed to be completed. Yet, I was afraid, trembled looking within myself. To see images of a previous time, when I watched. was untouched by the ideas, ideal of others. Today I ponder about those times. The rediscovering of each other. In a different, but truly delightful way. No longer will I watch, but actively being involved. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

You may be the Angel of the Lord, But you never loved or carried me. Was never there when I needed you. In my despair you turned away from me. It’s Ok, it is better for me to know. I was not the one, you long for. I understand the concept, my mind Is now clear, I now know what I did not. Denying, saying that this is a figment That was present only in my mind. Is declaration or choosing life long. Eternal separation from me. The proof that said you do not want me. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

All I know is that I am addicted. Attracted, taken in by and to you. It is so weird, still I do not know. What I must say or even do. I know your situation, that’s true. My Father will guide you. Let you know when you should Reach out say or do something. Not anyone can say or touch me If it was not allowed by him. The reason, I told you that I am As upset with him, as I am now. I also know it is written that They will gather against me. And that, this was not ordered Or sanctioned by him. All who touch me, it is written For my sake, will one day submit. They will all fall for my benefit. These have no idea who they inflict. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

As an angel, I do not always see. All the hoops you go through In order to get to me. All I do know are the end results. I have no doubts this will be. But the lapse in time does annoy. Gives a lot of frustration to me. That also is the human part of me. At the moment especially so Because of my situation, I feel, That I emergently have to go. Having to wait is torturous, as well. I am back to waiting on the same. As, I was when I was in my teens. Seem as if all I do is go around Living life in a continuous Loop. All the things that I do for a reason. I continue and need to do again. For the exact purpose, when I first Began, living life is my mission. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The girl sometimes do speak. Other times Jerusalem does. She’s a lot more philosophical. Her words are far more concise. It is hard to explain the relation. They are different but the same. One is the human flesh, The other the spirit or soul. The heart and soul of an angel. But the flesh and body of a woman. Cannot always does or act like others. Yet both are symbiotic in their operation. Why it was necessary to have a protector. For him not to have just dumped her. It hurts then, to have one, that fell short, Is not fully aware to whom he is married to. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

What am I not going to do? Live long enough to have Yet another child? Or give in to the chemo, That would decide, what I do? How could you at this time, Place more stress in my life? Was it not enough you refused, To acknowledge or comfort me? I believe it is, but you are you. If you do not posses a conscience, Am I supposed to give one to you? As is evident, by those in my life. That is impossible to do. One either cares, Or do not, will not ever care about me. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

It is not me. Me that you wrote about. Or is it me, that you did not love? Need I ask, what I already know, no! I do not, you are unchanging, I'm realizing. As they who never loved me, never will!     Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Now I’ve said it many times. Wrote hundreds of rhymes Yet from you not a word. Are you not following me? So let it no longer be said that To you, I have never spoken. I know that the problem was that I Was nothing but, an illusive mystery. Tell me, where did you come from? How could you remain quiet, smile? But not a word, would you ever speak. So with that, I just never knew. Never seen a City so witty and strong. Never walked with a man so charismatic Dapper that charmingly moves along. Am I right or was I wrong about you too? I learn by listening, not from my talking. Solve issues from doing, not from barking. Figure out life from experiencing not alienating. Now make my choices from knowing devices. So if, you are now listening, speak. If you are following, quicken your feet. My heart can no longer take all this deceit. So tell me or I will simply turn away or retreat. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I heard your words but believe your deeds. I promise myself that you, I would forever leave. Never a friend, one that my soul truly condemns. With him, I would never want to be seen again. Time was my only true friend, I discovered that, As life tramples and others depart, refuse to stay, That time sticks around and keeps ticking a way. Oh time, look at what you have done. Please, stop. Stop the clock; and not just a moment, but far more. The reason I am sad, but not sincerely shocked. Tick tock, tick tock, that damn old ticking clock. Has all but caused me to age and look like an old frock. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

A tear for the girl, I never knew. Luxury for the one, I loved. It was her that I pursued and said, I do, to her, but no other. To her children, I provided a home. A lie for the one, who flirted with me. Marriage for the one, I wanted to keep. A curse for the one who claimed to be A treasure, not one I desired to keep. Lost is she and soon to be buried. Sadness for the one, I refused to see. Passion for the one that lies next to me. My name she'll gladly bear And alone she'll never be or despair. Her I would always comfort while I’m here. Shame for the one, I abhor, and sees no more. Everything for the one my heart beats for. She knows that she's all longed for. If there were any doubts, I wrote it all out. So there's no question as to whom I truly loved. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Tell me, who did he love? The one he chose to be with, Or the one he ignored for a life time? On that one, he would rather just spit. A little cancer for her, a beast to live with. Chose to bring her to live down here? Perhaps a little ashes or words of spite, Or just flirt with her, deny her, her rights. She does not have any say to what's his. Why should he care for her at any time? Look at that girl, all the things she claims, She could never, have family or fame. It was never spite, just simply a little game. Her, he would deny, and be ashamed. Momentarily, She did hoped, but now, She will can now see, he never loved. Nothing more than words written by a liar He snares defeat and traps naïve women. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Is it not enough that you lied? What does it matter that You gave your love to others, And  robbed me of joy? How could you hand to me Empty promises and nothing else And still insist that you loved But chose never see or hear? Told you several times But still you insisted, That my claims only existed As figment of my imagination. How could you, but I do know, How you could do that to everybody. It is because as I claimed You never actually loved them or me. Congratulations to everyone That wanted to rid the earth of me. Congratulation to the man, That once died on Calvary. Hope you wear this banner As proudly as you carried All those you placed before me. Again, Congratulation on a job Well done. You freed yourself of me. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Told you, my every day Is an indication. Of your lack of compassion Love and care you failed To show or ever express. It is Ok, to say that you loved And I believe that too Is displayed and transparent To those you chose to give it to. If I disappeared from this world. Before they got to know, I had been here. I hope they discover, My writings that explain what occurred While I was walking among men. I came, I live, and I loved, But it was never given, returned Or displayed by you to me. Ok, I forgive, you did not know. But if this you read, now you know. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I had my post surgery check today. The physician assistant came in to see me first to discuss her recommendations. It was to have chemotherapy in order to suppress or inhibited estrogen. I flatly refused! Later the surgeon came in and explained that my (LCIS) Lobular carcinoma in situ, levels were high. This is an indicator that I am at a higher risk of developing breast cancer than the rest of the population. I understood the rationale for the recommendation, but I know my situation. I know that chemo causes one to become acutely weak. At the moment, I do not have the kind of support that a person undergoing that kind of treatment requires. Right now I feel that I am a hostage to my situation. Therefore, I will not intentionally allow my body to become physically weak, and I feel that treatment would do that. I would not be able to handle the stress of my household plus the treatment. I do not need just words of love and support, and a lot of material things to make up for what is l

Told you, you are my family, You simply refused to believe. That is the reason I will prove Those exact words to you. I too was surprised by it. Certainly could not comprehend it. I then looked a little closer I had to see before I realized it. I was a young girl lost in the mist Of my ambition and desire. Did not place much emphasis Then on relationships, did not grasp Even know the benefit of it. Had but to live a million lives. Before I finally understand The peril that was inflicted on human. Now I do, emotionally, I am through But I am waiting for you, to react. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

According to Revelation 12, I am clothed with the sun and standing on the moon. In that instances, the representation of the moon is my mother, and the sun is actually my father. Most of the time when I say my father, I am speaking of the heavenly father. If I ever refer to my earthly father, I say my dad. The reason it is written that I am standing on the moon is because, at this point in my life, I am as unyielding to my mother as she as to me. I hide most of my struggles from her, and I am not sympathetic towards her in any way. It is her contention that she did what she did to protect me. I certainly wish for her to explain how insisting that I marry a Christian protected me in any way. I am fully aware that, as it was taught, in the church she chose to attend, that Christians meant being Christ like. People in religious circles sometimes uses the word to rationalize and justify within themself their extreme behaviors. They pick and chose what they adhere to and what they ignore.

If you brought happiness to my life, Then I would enjoy talking to you I’d write poems and songs about you. I would tell you that above all you were The most valuable being, I ever embraced. But I am a complicated kind of girl I am inclined to give a lot more Than I have ever accepted or received. I place more value on love than I do money. Still am sad when I lose something of worth. I certainly do not like when I am used. Or taken for granted or tossed aside. As though, I am not truly what I am. Do not like when I am refused either. Especially when I would not do that to another. So love for me is what I just expressed. Or would do for one in whom I would attest. Was truly one that I loved and was fondest of. And this is yet to become my reality, the story Of how you came to be in my life, in the future. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Very much the fish, that I have become, And certainly do not care to be, I am now slivering around On nothing other than dry ground. How long can a fish survive like this? This is equivalent to a beating on the head. Wish I was better schooled in life, instead. This dry spell is far worse than being burnt. Closer to being roasted, it is hell on earth. I started to believe, think like religious men. It totally eluded me as to what the wise men meant. As it is written, I believed, they saw his star in the east. So I missed what those wise men truly did. I should have asked for my partner's sign. Realized this before I decided to wed. Just did not know anything about this. Or have I ever before placed any value on it. But seriously narrow mindedly discarded it. Thought suitability came from religious belief. Now that I have lost the gust of life I realized I should have had an Aquarius partner. That was what my beloved brother was. He was like the water, I ne

A Real Player, that heavenly King. Sorry I ever loved him, met him. Sat, talked, laughed with him In this life, certainly will avoid him If our path were ever to meet again. How could I say these things? Make these ridiculous claims. It is because I sincerely believe. This is my truth, even though, He now verbally denies me. Bet if you ever talked to his former, Wife, women who embraced him. They would confirm my claims. Just as they are a few that can backup Who and what I say that I am. What has changed, what is new? I see men’s attitude as unchanged, the same. As it was two thousand years ago, so is he. He is different his time, guess he learned. This is my first time, so I am as he was Initially when he came. Experiences matter. It does make one learn to conceal the truth. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I long to see my friend again! Met her only briefly, on occasion. Do not truly know her. Still I promised her, I would visit. It may cost me for to see her face, I will spear no expense. As I told her, I will call, Return at the beginning of the year. A hug, a smile for the girl, I met. Never really knew, but loved. Thought about you, was there with you. In spirit, both of us, me and God, she said. Did not respond to her statement. Cast her nothing more than a glance. Wish I could tell her the truth, my story. Wish she saw who I really was. I am Asian, but I am from Louisiana, My mother bore ten of us, I am the third. A very hard worker, the reason I am here. All I saw was her kindness and beauty. Could not tell that she was Asian. Just another lovely girl, one that talked, Greeted me as though she knew my identity. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Last night I had a total melt down. I could not find a pair of high tops converse sneakers that I wanted to wear. In the past, my youngest adopted daughters had taken them without asking. Right away, I thought this was the case again. After wanting to wear them all day, and it was on my mind that I could not find them after searching for hours, I became exceedingly anxious. I went to my husband and asked him to sit the girls down and tell them to stop taking my personal items. He responded to my request by saying, if I wanted to impart that to them, I should tell them, myself. He went on to say, that I needed to stop putting the responsibility of disciplining the children on him. With that, I became extremely irate. It has been his past responses or lack of responses that I blame for my children disregard and disrespect of me. I believe that they learned to ignore or not listen to my instructions from years of him doing this. Instead of responding to him who I was actually angry wi

I cannot understand why everyone that was directly involved in my life seems to think that their behavior and responses should not have had any impact on me. That is not only true of the human that are associated with me but my celestial partner. The behavior of everyone that was chosen had either positive or negative effects on me. I maybe what I am, but these things affected me in the same manner it would have any other person. Due to the humongous strain I was under in the last two years, my adrenal glands became sluggish and I had to go on thyroid medication. The synthetics made me feel horrible, with that, I went to a wellness clinic. The cost of that is not covered with medical insurance yet I found it highly necessary. I worry about those expenses because although my situation created my health issues, I am a little apprehensive about my husband reaction concerning the expense. He outwardly claims he does not object, but his body language says differently. All of these are ups

I have been working diligently on the piece I call conversations with an Angel. The truly strange thing about this is that I have a poetry book that I bought when I was about nineteen years old. At the time, I believe that book was an Off Broadway production. I still have it, and keep it on my computer desk to remind me of my goal. I believe that I am at the point where I need to divide my poems into scenes. The conversation is not only with one person but two. There are also poems where I talk about my life as it pertains to my mission and the struggle I am experiencing. Everyone has his limits, and I am well past mine. My current experience was never a true aspiration of mine but has now become a part of my repertoire of experiences. Although I did attain and completed a totally different field of studies, it is as if I am at the beginning of producing. I have become a struggling artist who is waiting for her humongous break. I know my story will not have a Cinderella end in that,

Didn’t want to disappear, disappear, Lose my legacy. Let it vanish from here. Vanish from here. So I gave them credit. Thought it fair, thought it fair. Even as, I said it, I gave them credit. Didn’t want to disappear, disappear. They are the ones that bore me, Brought me here, brought me here. So now, I said it, I hope you heard it. And not mistake it, as it appears, disappear. Lose my legacy; Let it vanish from here. They brought me here, brought me here. As I revealed it, and explained it. Didn’t want to disappear, disappear. Lose my legacy, let it vanish from here Vanish from here, just disappear, disappear. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

It is difficult for even me to understand human brokenness. What causes them to respond and behave a certain way? I knew that neglected and abuse children had numerous struggles. I just never quite got to understand indifference and the inability to display concern or affection. Today, I saw something in the daughter for whom my heart bleeds most. As she tried to explain the reason, as she acted out, why she did not to care about who she was hurting. She explained that she finally got to understand herself. As for me all I knew was where I came from. What I had given up, and the reason I did what I had chosen to do. I still had not captured the most crucial element, my precise reason for why I came here, which was to understand human behavior. I cannot declare that I have fully grasp it but I can say, that today I could actually empathize with my daughter. I suppose I can say that it is time for her to move on. I hope she does well in life and that she was most importantly honest

At times, I might have said a little too much. It was my way of sharing, coping, telling you. That even with time, things remain unchanged. Confirming that, when you selected another It was them that you wanted and not me. How would you feel if this were your life? Would you have set it aside for the benefit of others, To improve the quality of their life and decrease yours, Just for understanding, give peace, contentment joy to them? What if they rejected you instead of being appreciative? Never show concern or extended common courtesy to you. Instead of saying thank you, they tried to inflict, condemn, Have you prosecuted for correcting their wrong action. Quite honestly consider, how would that cause you to feel. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Neither he nor I are here representing perfection. We are here for the experience, the hard times. In our humanity, we both struggle with and being human. Our position may be superior, but we currently are not. If you read my blog of 6/4/11, which is called:” This I Promise.” You will see that I am wounded, I cry, hurt is not having A pleasant time, as I am disappointed, I respond like men. In general, I know that I tend to pull or push people away. I marvel at mankind, the ones that claim to have faith. Then does not attempt to change their situation in any way. That is not how God works. Faith believes that action Will produce the desired effect, not something out of nothingness. The truth is with me. God is different from he was with his other elect. My actual mission is the knowledge that comes from being mistreated. So for that reason, I was surrounded by the most imperfect of them. I can tell you that, in the last eighteen years, my halo was activated. Yet, al

So now I am snobbish! Ok! I will not deny it. If that is your claim Hold on, don't let go of it. So there, see if I actually care! Just remember I am a person. The combination of angel and girl. And she was a treasure, as well. Only you did not know that The reason you let go or lost it Became very confused. Boo ho, who can the boy tell! I will just say as my husband did. This is not true, just fantasy lit. So go ahead dear, run, declare it. Continue to pout about this and …. Got it! Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

There is a gentleman asking for you. How terribly strange, who did he say, he wanted? What name did he use, the girl's or the angel's? Of whom is he truly interested, or amused? I wonder if given a choice, which, he’d choose. Would the girl once again lose or the creature, That resides and on occasions shows herself? These are the thoughts that occupies her head. I know that Jerusalem is annoyed right now. Feels that none of these truly know how to love. That if it were not for her, he would not be calling. Even though it is the girl and not her that is his kin. And if any figure that they can deceiver her. They lie to themselves and are naught but a hustler. She may never allow them ever to see the angel. And may continue to hide until they are gone forever. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Who would believe? I am actually conversing. Engage in a conversation. For not even I, am sure! For as it currently appears, My words are all apart of The original script, basic poetry. That is all I or anyone, knows. Our dialog is intended to be. A joint effort of your production. I do anticipate this, the meeting . Alot more, than I do the creation. The discussion where we agree. To do this together, you and me. My words, your thoughts together. The world will see withholding the truth. In the meant time, I need to recompile. Place some sense and order to this. Will consider producing a self published Copy that will give life, make better sense of it. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

All I want in my dowry, Is now the pleasantries, That will be between My charming prince and me. As he takes my hand and lead. He smiles and nod at passerby. Happy to be walking beside me. The woman that is now his bride. My delight everyone can clearly see. Happy to be married to the one That has long been engaged to me. It is the perfect end to our love story. A connection that was always there. Although it may appear as though, He had forgotten, left her somehow. Their love was totally untouched. The prince and angel remained closer, Than they ever quite honestly were. Obviously nothing or anyone affected them. Perhaps time once did, but not any more. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I think you’re awful pretty . And appears to be quite witty. It is all true, I do not know, What to say, or how to respond To the lovely girl, I once knew. You do not have to say a word. Ignored all the things you’ve heard. Just place your hands in mine. we can reunite through our dance of all time. Bend and bow, slowly glide around. In your vision, my dream, it happens. The prince and angel get to be All they imagine and so much more. Their names now appear in history. As the best beloved, love story. Bend and bow, slowly glide around. This is the dance of lost lovers. As they rediscover the joy they once knew. The love of dance that is intimately theirs. Bend and bow they will show you how. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Wow, wow! I am at a lost for words. So all I did was admire him. Wow, Wow! He is so elegantly dress, I cannot begin to tell you. How impressed I was Wow, Wow! Can I have your name? Address, phone number, Not for now but the future? Wow, Wow. Wish I could show you All I will become for you. Just not now but definitely. Wow, Wow! You made me smile. From way across the miles. Knew that your could do that too. The reason I delicate this song to you. Wow, Wow! Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Well according to the pathology result, my left breast had a phyllodes tumor. The fabulous news is no cancer cells were detected, and this one had a low mitotic index. So as of now, I am waiting to hear if anymore treatment will be indicated. I would assume that extraction would be the only required intervention. Basically a phyllodes tumor is extremely rare and can be cancerous at times. The treatment is typically, extraction alone, if the tumor is benign. If it is a carcinoma, then chemotherapy or radiation would be indicated. Starting at age thirty, I got my first mammogram after finding a lump in my breast. The first time, I was extremely nervous. I had recently relocated after getting married and that made me feel worse. At that time, all my friends were in New York and my husband does not handle this kind of situation particularly well. As a result of finding that mass, I decided to have my first child. I remembered it was mentioned in nursing school that sometimes because of

Why was there a need to confirm, Things you already knew? What caused you to question? Doubt so much so that you forgot me? What made you insecure, skeptical? Concerning our link? Broke my heart. I’m intolerant of insecure people. But it is certainly within your right, To be aware of all these things. For pretty soon they will become The focus of your tomorrow. So carefully consider them. For that is certainly what I am doing. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

According to the bible it is the ones Born to me in my later years That will always stay with me. Not the ones that are currently with me. The ones that I am now worried about. Will all depart, earn their living over-seas. But the lot I do not want will always remain. Love me a lot more than any of these. That is even true of the son that is like me. But the other one that will follow him, Will also be the same kind of being as him. The one it is said that I will love will never leave. I just do not know how this will ever come to be. For now, I see him, not as a gift, but me submitting. I am so disappointed, even though this is yet to be. Crush by his and my Father having left me, in the past. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I feel that I was the one who experience the drudgery of life. That he maintained all the benefits, of what we literally are. For it is with him that the Heavenly father does reside. Although it is written, that the three of us are actually one. With that, things that were written concerning me, I dispute. Seem more figurative than actual truth or the reality of me. Like my husband, that was in another country during my surgery, He could claim that his spirit was with me, but was he actually there? That is the current relationship God the father and son has with me. The reason my current husband’s behavior and actions have infuriated me. It is their continuous demonstration of lack of care why I became undone. Am now unsure of what I will truly do concerning my future with anyone. I now know all things pertaining to the rest of my mission, but I am torn. Feel that because I was left alone during my surgery that I will not continue. I have purposed not to do what is wri

My breast is still sore. The pathology is still pending. My mind and soul want to do more. To give comfort and peace to my soul. The importance of this I place High above the wellness of my flesh. My station has become the oozing sore. The longer it goes the more it proliferates. It does not uplift console or benefited me. Walking away, or putting it behind me, I surmise will be the deliverer or healer of me. But for the innocent that would be affected. I am hindered, held captive, fixated in my misery. I am tired of the incompatibility, misunderstandings. Responses that cut my effectiveness, standard of living. Inflicted by disagreements strife and lack of trust. Resulting in self doubt and my becoming paralyzed. Unable to produce, to be my best in life, stuck on this. Yet it is written that after I have completed this task. I will actually succeed, also in the things I hope for. And that, I can myself believe because I know, The distress of my situation has caus

Life my friend is poetry. If you were unaware of it, Then, I am demonstrating that to you. As it occurs or is seen by me, I write. Place it here for the entire world to read. As it comes, or I am inspired or feel. I convert it into verse, of course I would much prefer to converse. But I also am a little ambivalent about that. Unsure of you, I hide behind my script. Whatever is true or a dream, time will tell. Know that this is because I am frustrated. For I have grown weary from being here. Even though my desires are somewhat selfish. They are true, and the future is troublesome, to me. It is so unlike me to put anyone in jeopardy, but me. I just have not seen any appreciation, concern, care, Or love in response for me or for what I have done. It is difficult to live with anyone that is so uncaring. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The silence is still not broken. The confusion of the human mind Remains the same, unchanged. What is it that they are unsure of? Is he lacking in intuition or is it courage? Why does he hide? Is it for an opportune hour, That he waits to respond or reacts? As much information as was revealed, He resides in the unawareness that was. As ignorant as the caveman once was. Only in tangible things does he believe. All others are fabricated or just crazy. Yet that is the difference between human And those that exist but are invisible to them. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

It was an impressive scene. The best I’ve ever seen. Did not realize he was ours. All I knew was that he was mine. It made my apprehensions temporarily fade. Even though he will be given at this age. I pray that you may see him too. Although it is rare to see a future child. I was shown him, so that I do not turn away. Yet I wanted to, certainly hope it will not deter you. He is meant to be a blessing not only for us but all. He also has a purpose, the reason his timing is so vital. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I watched myself as I held him. Walked with him as he slept. At the sight of him, I was pleased. But later became quite upset. Why would I after twelve years Start all over, and even at my age. Do not want to reveal who he actually is. Concerning what he will be, about that, You will be quite happy. I just could not tell you. He is the reason, you will always be known. That your name will be written, stay in my mouth. The bible has him recorded as my greatest success. And as a woman of this time, that is an insult. I too am still trying to figure things out. A lot was told me, and I also do not know. The only thing I know is that he will be notable. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

A son! What a surprise! My accomplished child, Both on earth and in the skies. Born to me as apart of God's purpose. Timing is important. So, don't fear just wait, Be confident, Life works it's self out, in time your rewarded will come. Great things lays ahead, What I couldn't do will be done though you. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

It is you! The clueless one. You walked way. Not from a Friend. But from a relative! Even I was confused. How could that be? Does explain the bond. I also questioned the relation. This is tragic, yet true. For those reasons, I will ask this of you. To confirm our relationship. For even I was shocked! Why did my father hide that? It was not always my decision. Told you, I live a guided life. As this phase is through, Only now I was informed. Reintroduced to you, told this. Although a few things I was aware of. I pushed them far from my awareness. It made life simpler, my duty less arduous. Placed aside that which to me was important. That was the only way, I could deal with life. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

How could any live with Jerusalem and not know? How could you not see her heritage and disregarded her so? I keep telling you, that exact thing will give you sorrow. Would you deliberately walk away from one of your relative? Probably not intentionally, but you did the same precise thing. The basis of all these things is so that the burden is not of one. But of all that are related and claim to love, yet did not a thing. Problem is that it makes it extremely difficult for me to select you. I keep focusing on your ignorance, mistakes, and stupidity too. It makes my mission painful and extremely hard to accomplish. I cannot rightfully tell anyone or force them to choose to act. For me, as a brother, husband, friend, relative or even a Jew. So in that regard, I kept my mouth close and allowed you, not to. For whatever men want to say to me or of me, I know the truth. What does it matter, in the end, I am not the one that will lose. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for mo

Why can they not see me? Is it their lack of belief? Or is it simply their folly? Why can man not understand? Is this God’s or Satan’s Land? Even I have seen the true me. Felt uncomfortable with them. I see that me, they would condemn. Thought it would be different with him. Now he, like them is denying me. I have been toss back and forth. Felt alone, not knowing who to trust. Dumped by my significance. Living in a strange unusual world. Blinded by their rules and insensitivity. I have come to abhor them. But I am without my strength. If not I would have already destroyed. Vaporize them all from my eyes. But in their ignorance they would have died. In this way, I am unlike the one called Christ. He would never raise his voice or declare. You fool; you have no idea what is happening. Every two thousand years we come down here. It is abundantly clear; you are as clueless as before. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Where do you go from here? Did not want for you to disappear. I know you did not want to stay. I could not let you leave that way. All I wanted was for you to know. So where do you go from here? It is true, I was unkind. Selected others and ignored mine. The reason I lost you, then your love. I do not know if we will ever make up. So where do you go from here? There is one that still loves you. It is He that will help you. I lost the right to comfort you. Or to be known as your friend. I am now an outsider looking in. So where do you go from here? I am the one that broke you heart. Wish I realized that from the start. I might not have chosen to be apart. But I also know that it is too late. That, you will get your big break. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

If you knew, what would be your reaction, If to you, your future spouse was revealed? What if you got to consider, as he ignored you, Would you reveal, gave this information to him, or Simply turn away, and refuse ever to join him? For a moment, I was happy, I embraced the idea of it. Then tried my best to explain, share the future with him. It was not I that initially turned away, but he from me. At a different time, in my hour of need, he refused me. Now I am conflicted, I know that he is not alone. He has not attempted to make amends or has heaven's throne. So, I want to walk away and not ever acknowledge him. For all, I have are doubts concerning his affection and intentions. After being ignored and the way he responded. I am unsure that I can choose him, even though, I once did. I have too much respect for myself to accept that sort of behavior. I am terribly frustrated with his lack of response and indifference. But I can choose to do something to uplift an

I realized that, for all who knew and did not show any concern for me at this time, that it resulted from their lack of consideration of me. I will no longer make any sacrifices for them, but will distance myself and have nothing more to do with any of them. I also believe that both my heavenly father and his son failed me again. It is what I have come to expect, and yet I foolishly kept hoping, but never again. The most valuable thing right now is that I know what and who, I am. I feel that I tolerate a lot of foolishness from others. In the last few months, I have struggled with the many ways by which I have been disappointed. It matters not what I asked of anyone, the result was the same. They have given nothing more than excuses. I know that for as long as this earth exists there will always be another reason. With that, none of these appears exceptionally favorable to me. I know how harshly I have been treated by the one that was with me from the beginning. It matters not what

Well I am still here! I am a little sore and tired. Some time, after my surgery, the nurses in the recovery woke me up. At that point, I did not realize the surgery was over. I was still asleep, when I heard one of the nurses say, “Are you, Ok.” I answered her by saying, yes but I was asleep because I did not get a lot of sleep the night before. Then I added that I may need to go to a spa for some rest, and then I asked if I had my surgery? She said, “Yes, you are in the recovery room.” I then said, “Well how long have I been here?” Around twenty minutes were her response. Well, to say the least, I did not continue to sleep. Instead, another person rolled my bed out of there to another surgical area, where I was discharged and sent home. The first night, I was back, I did not sleep well, but last night, I slept until my house phone rang. I thought it was someone, calling to check on me. It turned out it was a telemarketer. One of my girlfriends took the day off and accomp

In my marriage patterns of behavior is repeated time and time again. It is as if we do not grow or improve. When I was pregnant with my last child, and placed on bed rest, my husband went off on a trip and left me home alone with our six children. That was an extraordinarily difficult period for me, with that even though it has been eleven years, as another similar action is repeated, I am reminded of all his offenses. When I was five months pregnant, with that child, my older brother died. He was the one sibling that I was truly close to. I became highly distressed. I realized that meant that I was left without family support. As a result, I started to go into preterm labor. With that, my then doctor placed me on bed rest. My husband had an annual recruiting trip back to his undergrad university. Instead of opting out of that trip, knowing that I did not have household help, he chose to go. Hence, despite my vulnerable situation he left me alone with six small children. Again, if