Rah Times

I knew that I was searching for God. He knew me and briefly hunt too. What I did not know was who and what I was. Nor did I consciously know our bond. Both he and you claimed you wanted a companion. Yet it did not ever occur to either of you, that I did too. We all wanted the same thing, both prospered in life. Yet we all failed in love, not one got what they wanted. Was not my fault, I literally walked alone, for a while. Where as, you held unto some fleeting, temporary love. I did my best to obtain and did what I loved. But in conclusion, we all lost out on love. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I do not ask why, or for help. Not any more, for several reasons. I can still hear and listen to you. Still think to the magnitude, You have not a clue! I am sadden by the desertion. Certainly do not comprehend Your reasons for asking, Why I did not solicit your help. Did you help me, with what I asked, The previous time, I reached out to you? Even now, I heard your response. Was because of your thoughts. The reason I refrained, then walked away. Man’s opinion originates from sight. Not so with mine, I look and listen, To hearts, mostly thoughts. For action can be deceitfully motivated. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The person I remembered, I sheltered. Protected, kept out of harms way. Was fond of, made me smile, my delight. Although, I had other things on my mind. I am still conflicted, that has not changed. My obligation, my purpose got in the way. The attraction and the desire remains the same. The things that come to mind still cause me to smile. Whether it was your answer, your action or reaction. I am not your concern, and I am hesitant to be. My heart cannot trust another human being. Despite his desertion of me, I more trust him. Simply because he is a similar being as me. Therefore, it is by him that I want to be comforted. Eventhough, in the past, I was happy just by the sight of you.

Who would leave their beloved to walk alone? Who would commit to another but not support their own? Who would turn their back and watch their beloved suffer? Who would not provide for their child, when they cry from hunger? Who would fly away, when their love was in surgery? Who would turn their back, when their beloved cried, help me? Then how could I ever claim that I was ever beloved by any of them? If I ever did, I was so deceived, my word were all fabricated. Now I realized that none of these ever truly loved me. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The idea of holy is to be put aside, for a specific reason. The idea is that, at some point, I will be taken up again. I would not have had a problem with this had he provided for me during the time he chose to desert me. The fact that even now, he could hurt me by lying and being so cruel is a serious issue for me. As a health care professional, if I were reading this blog, I would automatically conclude that this person was schizophrenic. Even with writing this, if any institution got a hold of this, I would never be hired in my field of work again. I am rebelling because at some point, I believe he will try to return to me. At that point I would have had some successes, from a worldly view point, I would appear to be more appealing. This is the reason; I am now rejecting him and everyone else. It is because when I was what appeared to be an ordinary girl, I was not seen as favorable to some. Why then should I choose any of you? What about common human courtesy. That is what I to

I think my coming here was a mistake. The idea was honorable, but my experiences will cause me to retaliate against this entire race. The idea was to understand, but I do not see anything noble in them just folly. This is the reason restriction was placed on me, if not; I would have ended it and left already. It would be an enormous mistake to keep me, in my current situation, much longer. I feel as if I am being forced to do this and that is making me even more upset. I certainly do not buy into the whole idea of being put aside, for a purpose. For me, being put aside, and being push aside is all the same. At this point, I certainly will not reveal myself to men so that they can change or treat me differently. If they could not do that out of the goodness of their heart, then that is what I see as truth. A child ought to respect their parent, whether her mother is a pauper or the queen of heaven. A mother, father, sister, brother or cousin, should love, and respect their relatives a

My earthly desires I feel were with held from me. All I ever wanted is behind, I desire nothing more. Words and empty promise is of no significance, as I am not to them. For words has let me down, made me feel sorry. I cared for others unlike those who chose to care for self, And their own agenda. If I do not care about me, no one will. So, why should I given in? This's the first choice I've had that I desire. I know that my mission is not complete, but for me, it is. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I can prove anything from the sky. Here, it is a whole lot different. Restrictions have been placed on me. Not even my fleshy relatives can see. Told you my Father made promises. Said that you would help me. But the celestial person does not care. And the girl just wants to disappear. Wish I could tell you, all they have done. Then you would understand, does not matter. All is past and so am I. Were you truly my friend? Just another relative that let me down. You all did! As my family, you and they were selected. Why you failed, Remains a mystery. As if, God was beneath you, not higher. I know he wanted to prove to me, he was all I ever needed. What does it matter? You and He now have a human partner! Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

There has to be some benefit to being me. My plan is to leave during surgery. I feel that my job is done, ask to my obligation. They honestly do not care; neither do the one I belong to. There is truly no reason for me to stay here. I’m not impressed by men’s achievement, just disappointed. Have not seen any right in them. Their lack of understanding, Is totally amazing. Simply tired of being here among them. I know it may not be easy, for me to take flight, but it is my right. It may turn into a battle with my heavenly father. I don't want a fight. My celestial husband only cares about himself. They care not for their own. However, they may try to stop me. Yet not even he cared to walk beside, Ever be with me. He lied and denies me. So, why stay? I am truly not mean. I feel that I have been robbed of my dignity, humiliated by those That was supposed to love and honor me. My desires are behind me. Just thought if you should ever wonder, you should know, I went home.

Initially, I loved all I was given to. Not now, I just wish they knew me. Then maybe I would not have lost. My name, their love, be alone, but I am. I think a lot about you because you knew. For a moment, you brought comfort to me. Then like all others, I feel, you failed me. The reason I walked away from you, them too. Jerusalem, I heard you say. Thank you. For never calling me by my surmise name. I am glad you always used my given title. As if you knew. Then if you did, where are you? I told you, it was because he does not know me! Neither does my mother, father, sister or brothers. Jerusalem has never cheated. Loved, and served them all. I called you once, will never do that again. A promise to myself. Felt to me that you also choose to abandoned me. Truly, consider! I have no family. Yet, you are. I wish you knew that! One day, I will prove it to you. So, what is your excuse for not helping Jerusalem? Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

A friend of mine once told me that when children are little, they wrap themselves around their parent’s leg. As children age they wrap themselves around their parent's heart. I was in my twenties when she said that to me, today, I can say that I understand her statement. Who but a parent should be grieved when their child insists on error? As much as my daughter has done most of her sins were against her own self. She did choose to disrespect me and commit fortification in my presence. I know she does not understand the magnitude of that, and although that saddens me, it was for this purpose that I came. I truly understand her pain and even her choices. The prophet Isaiah wrote; can a mother forget the name of her child, perhaps, she can, but I the Lord, certain would not. Those saying are also true of me. In my humanness, I hurt, and I have stress, and trials like any other. In the same way, Jesus Christ could have died, so can I. I am affected by situations, but I look beyond

At the present moment I cannot sleep. I keep thinking about my last therapy session with my daughter. After seeing that I had the same unforgiving spirit as her, I felt like forgiving the Lord. A greater part of me, however, felt that she was being manipulative. I had those feelings because she did not express any concern about my health. Her main grief was about how my walking away would affect her. It is bothering me immensely that anyone that is following my blog could miss the part about my having breast surgery next week. I was in excruciating pain after my biopsy, but because she asked me to bring her a pair of boots, I took it to her. I cannot sleep because I recognized that at no point has she expressed any concerns for me. I was heavily burdened following that biopsy and wrote quite a bit about that. The only thing she had to express was that my desire to leave was causing them to act out. There was no recognition that the opposite is true, or even an awareness of how much t

We had an enjoyable thanksgiving. It has been a longer time since laughter filled our house. I still remember those days. The sound of their little voices as they squeal and played, today was one of those days. All my children came home, and everyone appeared to be truly happy. My oldest daughter no longer looks like a little girl. I guess that was inevitable. As a mother, I still have that image of them as children somewhere in my head. It was neat to see that being away from home, helped her to mature some. My younger daughter seems to have come alive. She was up unusually early which is not at all like her. As I looked at her, my head kept telling me that, she has the youngest girl. I saw her twice, as she entered the kitchen where I was, before I realized which daughter it was. Then again, despite what was happening in our life, the holidays were always happy days. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Why did you want to hurt me? All you had to say was I’m sorry. You so openly displayed you lack Of love and compassion for me. Your choosing another, humiliated me. I need a genuine apology, not reconciliation. After inflicting such hurt, and agony Why manipulate my life, label me, My circumstances, my purpose? You claimed to have walked away So not to hurt me, but it did a whole Lot more than if you had stayed. It is one thing to want forgiveness Another to want a commitment. What have you ever done for me? You said yourself that you deserted me. I tried to force you to say, you were sorry. Instead, you chose to stick with your story. Told you before, and I will say it again, I have accepted that you treated me unfairly. Today I am officially and publicly forgiving you, I will no longer direct my anger towards you. I know what is written, but now, I prefer to walk alone. Your desertion did affect the way I respond to others. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com

Just like any other human, my body is affected by stress. Since October of last year, because of the tremendous amount of weight I was under, I started to have thyroid problems. Around that time, I had my first breast biopsy. The only one of my children that knew about it was the daughter that is in treatment. She was with me when I had that biopsy. My understanding of what she said today was that her sister, and her acting out was a result of my wanting to leave them. Yet, all my medical problems started after. Even with her seeing and knowing these things, it never stopped her. I listened to her, and I empathized, and went as far as revealing to her who I was. Not at any time did she express any concern about how this is affecting me health wise. She implied that she did not want me to leave. I wonder if she is aware that if I stay in my current situation, and my health continues to deteriorate that, I may lose this battle. I seriously cannot go into surgery stress out, and I gen

I did the unexpected today. I told my daughter and her therapist who I actually am. I will have to explain it a bit further. In the truth of her true circumstance, she is just like me. I see that every time I attend her sessions. I sincerely hope she was not inflicted because of me. The anger and condemnation, never to be apart of my celestial husband’s life, I see mirrored in her. She certainly is as head strong and holding unto the wrong as she keeps moving on. That I also repeat in all my blogs and poems. Her situation was to teach me, in order that I may let go. I know the difficulty in that. I have said before. I supposed it was tossed aside as she read my latest blog, she saw my wanting to leave as my abandoning her. She is such a beautiful girl, and although I am, she is beyond me. I stayed in my marriage for the last ten years because her sister asked me to. Whatever relationship I have with anyone has nothing to do with them. I am here for the sake of men. For me, that was

Wish I could tell you, what the heaviness In my chest is about, just not sure, myself. Could it be a heart attack, or just an ache from lost love? Distress from the hardness of those that surrounds me, Or my way of crying out, my heart saying, too much trouble? It certainly not the power of care, The Lord had no passion for me. He made it abundantly clear. He's way too busy caring for Others that do not belong to him, those that never will, but they got All that I never did or ever will in this life. Now I am sure I do not want it. Last night he told me that my prince will never call. Or was that the doubt in my heart or was it my mind. Apart of me believe that he is trying to sow doubt in me. Desires for me to believe everyone is as uncaring as he was. It matters not, I have already given up. Know what they are like. Cannot determine want from lust, using from loving. Although I must say, I also know what it is like to not want. Even the one that was always con

Like every human, I have things that have sentimental value to me which gives them greater significance than their monetary value. My wallet that was stolen over the weekend, I purchased in Kuala Lumpur. For the most part, I use it almost every day. It is not something that can be purchased from a corner store in the US. It was made from leather, was woven in the front, but otherwise it was like any other wallet. The most unusual thing is that my children knows if they are caught illegally using my credit cards, I will press charges. I find this kind of intrusion terribly upsetting and strongly believe that it is wrong. It is certainly beyond me that a person would be so foolish, and risk their future for trinkets or to commit a petty crime. Within my heart, I felt that my husband believed that I misplaced it. He did not sympathize with me. Instead, he had his own theory as to what might have become of my wallet. I deliberately took my driver licenses, money and a credit card out o

I had an extremely enjoyable weekend to come home to the fact that I am living with some extremely dangerous children. I cannot begin to communicate the many generous things that I have done for the children that I adopted. Yet, over and over they have continuously chosen to terrorize me in many ways. One of the difficulties, I had in the past was that my husband never believed me as to the things the children would do. Our family has an annual camping trip at this time for several years. Everyone would step away from their usual activity to attend. I personally do not like camping, but for my children's sake, I would. Then again, there are many things that I do solely for their benefit. My husband and several of the children left on Friday night, I stayed behind because my youngest adopted daughter had a wrestling tournament. A few weeks ago she joined her school’s girls wrestling team. By being apart of the team, she gets to practice until late at school and competes on weekend

I am so exited about a trip that I saw. It actually was you and me at a spa. Then you walked away after receiving. I had given you my all, you took a phone call. It came from your other, significant friend. I wish you truly realized that I would One day, relay this story, to our children. They will then be able to recite, it. Know it, very well after I had repeated it. Not only once but several times, for their sake. My version, I will retell, to keep memories Of you alive, so that they will one day believe. Their father honored me and treated me well. Wish you also knew that, these saying were real. That to you, I had actually many things revealed. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

As if intentions were real Loved poured out in pain. Many who were taken, actions harsh and cold! Shattered by already broken soul. Where is the man of courage? I questioned, actions contradictory, To promised me. How could I have claimed as a partner? Believed you ever loved. time keeps moving along, the more I regret! wished we had never met, shared a history. Wasted pleas, cries poured from me, Cursed and turned away, never cared. Left me alone, scared, and so unprepared. Until realization showed me, Your embrace was a dagger, pierced my heart or cut through my throat. was my mistake, to have trusted. As you never to add or did for me. Not my earthly father’s house, need I forget. He made human mistakes. The who doubled my afflictions, my remorse. I sorrow alone with tremendous pain and upset. You robbed me of my heavenly name. As much as has been done, that remains the worse. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I am a little nervous today. My surgery is scheduled for December 5th. Not until after I scheduled it, did I remember that my husband was going to be out of the country. It could be a blessing in disguise, but in another way, it has placed me in a difficult situation. Yesterday, I told him about the impending surgery, and he asked me to reschedule it. I explained to him that my surgery was not considered an emergency surgery; therefore, there are extremely limited operating room time available, for non-emergent cases. Some how, he still believed that the hospital should move things around to accommodate his trip. For the most part, I was OK with proceeding with my plans until an anesthesia personnel said that I needed to bring someone with me. I had planned on staying in a near by hotel the night before the surgery, and to have the surgeon call one of my friends to pick me up after. It was told me that it would be an all day event, and I figure there are several people that could

When it comes to God Lack of faith and comprehension Causes people to make mistakes. For some, it matters not what is said. Many have seen, yet they do not comprehend. The ways and dealing of heaven. The afflicter's mystery still hidden displayed encase in broken promises. God lover of who he chooses. not my actions or origination. That a misinterpretation not obvious. Lost in what people believes. Fantasy of how God is. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I do not just randomly go to anyone. Sake those that are my husband. Just did not quite understand responses, or why it had to be me, making sacrifices, gave up my home. Only to all taken from me. Given to one who became Mrs. In knowing, imagine how hard was for me. Showed with lies and shame, with no pardon. promises of peace but not taken care of on earth. Was critical but not to me,their purpose. ripped joy from me, Set me on a difficult, lonely path. It is not easy being me. living in this moment, made life complicated. My father taught me, I didn't matter. Not until my humiliation is complete. It is not peace that I need. to be believed, strength to finish alone. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

You thought I was weird. But not for a moment, Did you stop to think. That your actions were rude. Even in the future, from what I see, She will drop and disgrace you. After realizing, she was a stand in. In spite of everything, that you did. This is why, as annoyed as I am, I just let it be, because the day will come, And is actually upon us, when you will see. Even if, you do not believe, you will be sorry.   Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Yes, I knew, from then! Why do you think, I called you? Ignored you little fling, the kissing thing. Even now chose to turn to you. When it comes to me, there Are not co-incidents. Even the way you responded. You keep asking, why I came here. Well this was partly the reason. I went to where ever my husband was. He crafted us to be of similar minds. I told you several times, That you were selected. And yes, I do know the reason. I will tell you, just not now. These things were orchestrated. Even our time, for a precise reason. The reason I am upset with my father. I had totally dismissed you from my mind. Until that daughter, of mine started acting up. My purpose for being has dealt me a harsh existence. Hard to fathom, that he could allow these things. Although I sincerely do, understand it. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I heard so much, it’s unclear. The choices that were made And still will be, even in knowing. Even after we connect you will choose To go back to her, until I say, yes. Your proposal, I accept, and that saddens me. I cannot comprehend it! How can this be? Had he not understand these things? Then why does he hold unto the other? Although, I do know the complexity of separating From a long time girlfriend. With that your actions, I cannot truly condemn. Look at where, I am. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I know that if you are delusional, I am also. I know about your revelations. What can I honestly do? I feel forced To live as though this is not so. I had continuously to watch you From the side lines, knowing That I am quite honestly yours. And that you are my wife. Your confusion is pretty much mine too. I am actually terribly worried about you. Wish you would come right out and tell me. I know, I said, no, to defending you. How could I? You have not been in my life. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Let me confirm, I am your wife! In the past, you knew. Had that awareness. In the future, Your friend will say. You did not protect, Rescue her! That is strange. You will say, to yourself, I knew this girl. Why did I not, do that! I am asking you. Why didn't you? I promised myself to hold out. Not to reveal the secret of the future. To keep it hidden, perhaps you would Suffer a little because of it. The present keeps going on, As though tomorrow has no end. As if one cannot begin, start again. But it will. At that time, you will be thrilled. For now, I am frustrated about everything. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I know that I need to do for me! To not be forever stuck. if only in my thinking To choose to stay and live here, partner thought it seems that he Got the best of me! The tragedy is how much time Was invested, given to him. and even more wasted in thoughts instead of where my heart would Be safe, content with my choosing. I need to live for me. I can hide from him but never me. As this is written in history, What choice do I have but to believe? Hope that the best is still to be. If not  I'll remain conflicted, that is of anyone’s benefit, Especially me. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I know it might have been his actions alone That actually caused me to be in distress. did not intend to remove anyone from my life. But choices that were made. created the wall that separated. Yet I truly believe, despite all that, I am way above that. I remembered thinking if he knew. Would he be sorry, chose to reconcile? His actions were rude and undeserving. Am I making a mistake again? The only reason I have is that I loved him. Not that he asked forgiveness. Shame on me! Others I cut off, without remedy Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

In times like these, it is the Lord that I need. Yet because of the past, I will refrain. My heart knows the truth but my actions, Will not corporate to help meet my needs. My anger is a hindrance, my pride is a wall. It is these that has caused me to stumble Stay fixed, wallowing in this pit of filth; As if I am just another incompetent, chick. If it were you, what would you do? Would you submit, and reach out and call Even if you were deliberately abandoned? What if I had the ability to protect, But chose to leave you defenseless? So I chose to do with reason. To drop my defense, welcome you by my side? Allowed you entirely to know me, see my fears. Never attempted to do before. I revealed myself, But kept others out or my life. while revealing my vulnerbility. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

For whatever reason, I am a little bit worried about my breast surgery. Not the procedure its self, just that I have not entirely worked out the mechanics of how I will get from the procedure to my home. I have not met with the surgeon as yet, with that I do not know if this will be an inpatient or day surgery. If it is day surgery, it may cause some difficulty for me. If I am given local anesthesia, I should be able to take myself from surgery to home. If I am put to sleep, it would be impossible. I honestly do not want to involve my husband, just from knowing him. I have two girl friends that I can depend on. It is, however, a whole lot easier for me to help another than to seek aid, from another for myself. I do not mind asking for advice so that I did not mess up because of my resentment of being left alone. I feel literally alone. This is another thing I emotionally struggle with. Not much I can do about it but blog. I guess things will have to work themselves out. It is thi

An epic tale of love, a play within a play. One of conflict, tragedy and romance. An Angel sent from heaven. Her mission was to heal men. Briefly she lost her partner, then she met a man. Not knowing he was a kin to the woman, Who gave birth to her, an actual relative. She falls in love with him, only to lose him. She continues her mission lost and confused. Met up briefly with her angelic partner. He claimed he was unable to find her, With that, he chose to marry a human being. They worked together for a short time. It grieved her to see him in love with another. It was more than she could handle so she departed. Determine to find a partner in life, she also got married. The man she had chosen was in disguise. Not a truly on her side, it was a trap! Set for her by Satan, as he uses men. She struggled daily with life. Tried to maneuver, push obstacles aside. Determined to thrive and not be discouraged. She does not give up but keep hoping, Dreaming of the day s

I’ve always wanted to write. With naivety, I had nothing, No words, hardly anything to say. Through my marriage and jobs, All the frustrations and experience Have overflowed me with memories, Tales that have made me, who I am. There have been times when I have been, Tremendously happy, angry and sad. reality is that life has given to me An incredible gift, an awareness. It has inspired me, allowed me to do Become, get what I wanted. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

God knows the heart and thoughts of men Does not have to be in the same State, Country or hemisphere with them. In the Trinity there is not just one but three. Am apprehensive about sharing unveiling The complete mystery that has been hidden Closed off from the eyes and understanding of men. Hope that you grasp what it is I am saying. Like an undercover Boss to see who knows first hand Listens to all people thoughts and conversations. To know and make a decision on their destiny. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Am I delightfully sweet, my joy a fairy tale, I should repeat? stay fixated on, world wind, action swept me off my feet. A courtesy, a bow that shows honor. not done to a sister, brother or mother. only a special someone and objective. To display love and compassion. In a child like manner the simple may desire. be touched emotionally. realizing significance, truth. as you rushed to greet me. time revealed all things, your actions were hollow, I was not chosen,was all a show. beautiful smile, done to deceive. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I love you, you are my hero. From this moment on No more, will I despair. because of you, I have faith. Look forward to tomorrow. That is what I have been trying to convey. Not that I am going to use you. Just that through us, my dreams and yours Will be realized, come to be, eventually. my friend, all will surely see and will know. That I even in agony was blessed and loved you. For time, even when not in your presence. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I know my words aren’t metered, rhythmical as the sounds my heart makes. movement could be an interpreted. as out of tune, heartache. story not of, about two. Born from a hunger, furious desire not pushed aside. but out of sync with people's thinking. To ignite, recapture our long lost relationship. our moment seem to be a song and dance. A long distance romance, which faded. Long before it we revealed our faces. dissatisfying, though many will be amazed. expect a lot better from both of us. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I found a doctor that specializes in breast and thyroid surgery. My primary care physician agreed to give me a referral to her. With that, I scheduled an appointment to see her on Tuesday. I know that any person who typically does one thing is usually accomplished at it. I like the facility that she is affiliated with, and I truly hope that I am making the right judgment, in choosing her. Actually, I believe at this moment, that my moment speaks of the time I'm here and given life. Judgment in the ability to discern, make sound decisions concerning the struggle of people. And we can only hope that through my struggle many will be saved, find peace. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

promise you, your wait is over! You will no longer be a jilted lover. This was revealed to me by my father. Just take my hand and you will see. Give me a chance to lead. With all the troubles, you had in life I only momentarily turned aside. Not that I wanted to be separated Live away from you. I wanted you. My love desire surprised me, When I rediscovered you. was when I realized, Learned about myself as well. Yet I still do not understand, What you saw in my wretched person. At the very sight of you, I was flabbergasted but delighted! Then I became enraged! How could I have failed you? I was confused. Was that you? Or me that was cheated? Oh, how I long to be with no other. Wish to run, fall in your arms. Forget about all the hurt, I want the joy, That will come from being held, loved, wanted. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The majority of my writings are truth. While as a writer, I do write fantasy. Hence the name of my book of poems. Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality. While I've chosen to Dance With one man, I grew to love a friend never had a relationship with him yet it felt as if I did, was involved emotionally. dreams of him as a prince Although we've never been in sync. At different stages in life conversation's about my life. The explanation, for why I appeared. bound but deserted by him. A prince and partner not to me but others, Mine is yet to come need find joy in my present. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I told you in poetry. So do not ask me What it is you can do For me, I've written. I have a legion growing Threatening to disfigure me. With that, I want the best To get rid of it, I do not want To have a substantial scar. Life has already caused one Yet, I have come this far. The dance is not for money. It's about for accomplishment. opportunity to work along side. finally be with a supporting partner, for a long as I continue in life. Then on a project, we co-author Gave birth to, that would be remembered live on, long after we're gone. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The purpose of my marriage Were ten folds, but never for harm. Understanding was the objective. Neither was it ever to use. It was to be a blessing to those That has suffered abuse. To walk along side those willing to assist me. to enable each other recognize God's love and blessings. At the various portion of my life. My role was to follow, Submit every step of the way. For that reason, I was gracious. Did my best to try to please Not only my husband, also countless others. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

If I had a choice, Lived in a perfect world. I would never be divorced, Not even once in this life. I understand that some times People marry the wrong person, But my perfect partner was present. Yet he chose to stay out of my life. My collection of verse Here on this blog Would be the subject of a play. Conversations with an Angel! If I were to have my preference It would, in fact, be a ballet. Finally, I would have spent Most of my days with the person That would support me, aide me, With my ambitious dreams. Was the real reason my Father, Selected him to partner with me. Why, I did not quite understand. When he temporary was removed Kept out of the majority of my life. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

According to my purpose, I am supposed to experience almost every aspect of humanity. To date, I feel that I can identify with almost all humans struggles. Some times I wish that I was consistently a career woman and never a wife and mother. I wish I had the option to stick with one thing. Although working as a nurse had its challenges and it is a field where there is room for advancement, it was never my preferred career choice. My life is orchestrated in a way that I have no choice but to do what the father wants of me. For that reason, I should not truly hold anyone responsible for the things I am inflicted with. This does not mean that I am not upset with them. It simply means that I recognize that God is in control. He at times, causes men to respond or not respond or reacts according to the direction, he wants me to go. Yesterday, when my husband came in, he handed our daughter a sticky note to give to me. The note had the information given him from my doctor’s office. He refra

I am back with the same frustration of doctors making referrals to people within their group. At the moment, I am too physically tired and frustrated right now to be engaged in a battle or confrontation with anyone.. Someone within my primary care doctor's medical group thwarted my entire plan to handle my medical issue quietly. They called my husband's office today and left a message for him saying I needed to call their office for an appointment with one of their surgeons. So now he knows and as sure as there is a God in the sky, he will challenge me later today. Need I say that I am in a pickle? At this time, I will take the path of least resistance and forget about this surgery thing, for now. What I have is a mass that has increased in size and not a cancer. The past year has been extremely trying for me. Even prior to all my trouble I spent a whole lot of energies trying for my partner to help me, to no avail. I have enough on my plate. All I truly want to do is find

Love a varied emotion but not isolation. should not be punishment. But a life time of admiration. Not being pushed aside or turn from Yet he who is love has shown me no desire or devotion. If he were sorry, I'll understand Would have said so. Paid restitution for the hurt he's caused. The misery, yet in my tomorrow, I see more of what defeated me. His idea of honor is such an obstacle. There are different views to my story. But from my perspective his earthly love. I've never seen Who could accept or believe? He chose me, when he claimed It all a Fantasy. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

He cares only about himself. reason he departed and I left alone. Claims was because he did not know Want me to die, yet that’s a lie. Here, lies all my sorrow and regret. Being bought here for punishment. for the sake of men, who are not aware know how much he has inflicted me. of my present circumstances. of the dishonor he's shown me. Some has claimed my position Says that it belongs to them. another carried the title of wife. all these things affected me. I was the one who lived without. he could have provided for me. Instead, he chose to deny. close his eyes and turn away. His motto: Do as I tell you but not as I do mine! Knowing these things, and live perfect lives. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

My being so upset is a horrendous issue! The recent troubles of late reminded me. The reason I do not want to reconcile. Not even with the Father, the one in the sky.. So much deception and manipulation, rules For that reason the world and Satan Will be swept away I keep saying, I am sorry to you, I am sure You find that pretty bizarre, but that is the reason. I quite honestly do mean that too. I should have sheltered and protected you. For no one can touch me, without The Father allowing them to. It is all apart of his thing, to identify With the troubles of men. Except it’s making me furious with them. These fools have no idea of what it is they do. Of the condemnation, that will follow. And there is nothing that anyone can do. We usually do not forgive, unless men ask us to. But it does not mean that we did not care. Just that I am currently a person too. I certainly do not appreciate being treated As though I am a second class citizen. It would be best, i

Someone violated me, that was the reason. I am truly sorry that I called the wrong person. Your response hurt more than the crime. I was so disappointed, but I did not cry. I walked away and buried it. Not until the other day, I remembered. For the second time, I lost you. I realized that the Father discredited All of you. I don't know why, broke my heart. That was one of the worse days of my life. I hanged up the phone; I took your clothes, Listened to your thoughts, said goodbye. Never cried, until today. Why did I remember? Why did he choose you? Look at the way Society up holds you, perhaps that was the reason. God is so different. I never wanted to hurt you. I need to tell you that I am sorry. You need to understand for all these reasons. The justification for the avenge on men If I had remembered, I would not have asked Anything else of you because of that call. You failed me more than any other person, That I have been tied to, and I deeply regret th

After persisting, I finally got my biopsy findings. The fantastic news is that the mass is not malignant. The not so pleasant news is that it has some characteristic that causes it to enlarged, with that, I will have to have surgery. I am not sure if this is a good or terrible news, but it is what it is. So here I go again on my own. When it will be, I do not know but probably soon. I feel so vulnerable, right now. I seriously feel that I am totally screwed because we have a HMO and have to go with my doctor's recommendation or insurance will not pay for this. I have not been working for the last eighteen years so I cannot go out of net work as I did when we first got married. There is no way under the sun that my husband would pay out of pocket for this. Whatever resources I had has been long depleted so I guess, my choice would be to leave it or submit.

When you love someone, if they are in danger, the natural thing to do is protect them. In this world, there is a spiritual war going on, and although these things are recorded, people do not quite comprehend it. When it came to God's messengers, the ones he sent, he pre-recorded it. The point of that is so that there are no doubts as to whom, they belong. If anyone claims to be celestial, I would not all together doubt them, but if they are unable to show where they pre-existed in scripture, then they are from the other side. That is clearly written in Revelations 12. It says woe unto the earth for the great serpent the devil has gone down to them. Then it speaks about the woman that gave birth to a son and that he pursued the woman in order to destroy her. Now, why do you honestly think, he wants to do that? For as long as that woman is here, the earth is protected, and that is also recorded. The truth is for now, the devil reigns here. In whatever way I have been inflicted it w

I certainly do not know How any of this will be. For I am upset with most That has in the past came In contact, saw the real me. It is a fact that I am strong. Would not conform to human Desires, naught that they got. Why should I now accept, take, Give in to them? When the occasion Presented it self, they failed me. Deliberately drove me away. Rejected me in that day. I am genuinely not impressed With any of these. Just think! How the creator must now feel? If it were you, What would you do? Would you not protect your love? What if she were your wife, Would you not avenge her? Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The man, but not the heavenly creature would Turn his back to me, not even for a moment. I am honestly all that he has ever truly got. If you do not believe, you must Revelation read. The exact last book in the Christian bible. Or Isaiah 54, which speaks of the creator's wife. In the battle against humanity, he will our Celestial army lead, this is not just my sayings. How could you fight against immortals creatures? You cannot rob us of life. What defense would there be? What benefit would there be for me to be ranting, foolishly? All I have said has already been written. It is all there but again, you do not have to believe. Flesh is not actually related to me, I tried to please them. Cannot say that any, but one family member is my friend. The Father that I referred to, resides in heaven. He is the one that selected, sent, chose you, designed my destiny. Whatever apprehension you might have, take it to him, not me! The Father does as He chooses, as his servan

One's outer skin, or classification of race, has no role in love But many still can't rise above, In the face of opposition, repercussion, They live to please others . In Families, children honor parents, parents should teach, not inflict their beliefs on them. Mothers should love unconditionally not provoke, But allow offspring to choose to love regardless. By our unawareness of some truth, A few things will always be misconstrued, But we should consider choices affect those around us and they should be considered. Purchase my ebook by selecting the link http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TNYC26Y

I’ve told you! Need I say it again? I came here for judgment! It was not to condemn But to identify, in order That we might have healed men. I know that it is written And if you do not know, I will tell you. Some knows it will be soon, but first, I will have to leave, then condemnation it will be. It does not matter to me who believes. That is not what determines what will be. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

My earthly husband could be portrayed as a saint. It was his up bringing and misgiving that’s his defect. His belief system and example that affected him. Was never truly taught how to trust and love women. It could never be said that he partook in merriment. It was foolish of me to think I could show him, What it was that I truly needed. It was not within him. He is who he was, and I was who and what I am. He can be viewed as a good person, and I would agree. But I feel that there were times when I needed him And he was not there for me, not in the way he needed to be. Religiousness and wrong teaching was what caused him to Close his eyes to me. So it was not him, that I reached out to. It was the man that my celestial being was attached to. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

You chose the world over me. Hope they want you over Their misbelieves, fortunes, The high and lows of their day. As far as I can see men uses Jesus on others to prey. Not for actual healing or blessings. Just hope they recognize one day That He is no longer the person Who first came, but is now one of them. How could I betray my Father? Live like any other, let them not consider. Let him who has seen, also ignore. My Father will gather me, give me peace. I will never say or claim to be one of them. Why should I? I have lived, worked, walked. Seen enough! Have formulated my conclusion. There is none that is correct, all are driven by lust or greed. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Jerusalem was in too much distress. Please come get me, but no! So now, I will be robbed of life. Wish the lump was also in my head. That my tears were all fake, pretend. I turned to him over and over. A hundred million times, I must have tried. If you leave me, I will die, once again. He turned his back on me instead. Who other than him would have chosen To deliver me, release me from my burden? I was certain that no other human would care. So I set myself free. All I wanted was to leave. Instead if, it is cancer, it should be said, That it was my deliverer, not the Lord, He left me. In my distress, he never knew me, acknowledge me. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Where is my Husband? Why did He not want me? Prefer human beings instead. How could this all be lies? Exist only in my head? I had never looked at another Until after He had deserted me. Yet he claims to have loved me. Excuses, excuses, why deny My existence, pretend we never met? Even I have seen my halo. When surrounded by the evil one. I light up, shine bright like a light. I know that I do not like being here. But how could I choose to do the same? Leave my son to return from where I came. How could a moment in our existence Bring about the end of an everlasting union? Alcohol, women, drugs, way more valuable. So Jerusalem gets to live uncertain. With strangers that have never seen her person. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

The nice thing about having worked in the medical field is that most of my friends are from that arena. Not that I worked with any of the people I am currently friends with. Today, a friend accompanied my daughter and me to the spa. I picked her up from her house and was able to confide in her about my anxiety over my biopsy. I supposed she was what I needed, someone that knew the ins, and out of this, that could talk to me in a way, I could relate. I told her that I had my chart set up in a way that I usually could access my test results on line. I truly do not like surprises, for that reason, the way they are handling this has caused me anxiety. I logged into my chart last night, but only my past lab result was in the system. For what ever reason, my current result seemed to be tightly sealed. I know myself, and I do not want to hear any negative result while alone in a doctor’s office. If I had then to drive home, that would cause me not to be able to focus. With that, I e-maile

Flash Dance was my favorite movie of all time. It was so because of the main character's determination to become a dancer and my own desire as a girl to dance. I saw my first classical ballet when I was five years old, and it was Giselle. From that time, I had a desire to dance. At that early age, I asked my parents if I could have dance lessons. They thought it all terribly funny, but my dad did tell me at one time to get the relevant details and then he would take care of it. Seriously! I needed help in the same manner as any child did. In the end, I did not have dance lessons because even then, there were limits as to what I was capable of doing. Making arrangement were not within my capability. So I did what I was capable of, and became a fan of the theater. My parents were not theater people so often times, I went alone. I participated in some school drama production, and I think the last time, I did that I was in my late 20’s. I participated in a Christmas program, in a c

Smile pretty girl, smile! Place your hands in mine. Gracefully we will glide. I will grant you your wish. From way across the miles I will dance with you. Finally, You will be held. Cared for, sheltered in my arms. Not my lady love, but the angel Sent down, from heaven above. It was not a part of my plans To be frown upon from the sky. But, I will be right along side you. Waltzing to your preferred music. Hope it soothes your wounded body. Wanting only for it to be the best dance, Love of all times, rest well my lady. I created this melody especially for you. As any good person who knew you would. Choose to do, if only to see you smile. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Well now I am totally anxious! I got a letter telling me to return to my doctor’s office for the result of my biopsy. In the past, they called and gave me the result by telephone. I am so scared! If I ever needed the Lord, it is now, but the last thing I presently need is rejection from anyone. I do not know what to do, just know that I am not going to that doctor’s office. I seriously hope that this is not anything serious and that they are scaring me needlessly. The troubling thing is that I have been waiting for a call all week, but it never came. The good news is no one knows except for my readers. My husband has not seen the bruise on my breast, but apart from that he does not handle crisis situation well. He would be more apt to deny the possibility than deal with any morbid probability. Although that is what I am doing, if he did it, that would upset me. I need someone that will not discourage me but will care for me. Not a person whose continuously folly causes me greater regre

It is not for your deals But for things I have written Yet, preferred for them to stay Hidden until the appointed time. The day will soon come, When you will choose. Your actions would save Give honor to my earthly life. God will then assign me to you. I will one day also explain Your actions and pay tribute To your life, as the one I had Always loved and chosen. Yet your true award will not be, In what caused your prosperity, But the Magnificent that will one day rule. Because of him your name will always Remain with me and be remembered. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

Not I, but it was my Father, that selected you. As his servant, I do as he wanted me to. I now know as reluctant as I was to Do that job, the purpose was for us to meet. I, to this precise day, do not offer friendship, To any other than those, he intends for me to greet. I now comprehend your role, which is substantial. As a result, men will know your name until the end of time. God chose Abraham because he was faithful. He blessed him and his descendants. Promised him that all family would be sanctified, Through him, as promised, he brought me as his seed. Chose you, and crafted my path and destiny. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

If what I now realize is true, Then my heart aches for you. I do think about you often Am terribly uncertain, don’t know What it is that I can do. I have always loved you, but I also, Had my doubts and apprehensions too. When I looked at you all I saw Was your beauty, not your misgivings. Did not realized there was a wounded Child that lay quietly, trapped inside Of the girl who once chose to wave. Left such an impression with that smile. Who would not love her, want her? I too was a lonely hard working guy, That longed to have someone by my side. Did not realize that it would have caused You eventually to push love aside. Beside what have I ever done for you? Caused you to have waited, call upon me? I was unsure, now like then, just did not know How to reach-out, connect with you, but I wanted to. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

What does age have to do with faithfulness? If you found one, in which you could delight Then why not, by all means pursue her. Unless she gives you no for an answer, The possibility exists, why cover your interest Place it under a fog by finding pleasure in others. People and their circumstances will never be perfect The reality and the reason may not always be What we were taught are convinced of or believe. Take my existence for an example, my appearance What you see even as a person was not what I came from. As a being many would never believe in my existence. Their imagination of my appearance is misconstrued. Yet you saw, did not quite grasps but it is true. I honestly did not leave because I knew your heart, It was not until, you thought, do not call me there. That was actually when I turned away was half Of a decade, that I waited and waited for you. Then I did what was best for me, again my situation It is the same. God treats all men the same. Even throu

I find that in general pride keep people from asking for forgiveness and asking for help. I also know at times when others say, I am sorry, that is only what I call, lip service. What I mean by that is that they are not truly remorseful but for whatever reason they proclaim to be. It persistently baffles me, how people could persistently hurt the ones they profess to love. From my perspective unless a person is lacking in understanding or totally selfish they would not repeatedly inflict their beloved especially if a person voice that they feel hurt when a certain act is committed. If they are truly remorseful, they would apologize and make restitution. If not, in my opinion, that is when they continue doing whatever it is they are doing because their actions takes precedence over the other person's welfare or feelings. My accounts are written solely from my perspective and the result not necessarily the intent of any of the parties, whose actions I relay. When it came to the r

I will never die! For the girl, that you see. I am in cased within her, That is not actually me. She was only a cover A means to get things done. Perfect for my goal For as long as she is here, I am. If she dies, I still live on Just not here; hence she does not fear. For that girl, and I, are one, But it is of the Celestial being, she speaks. In a way, it is for the best That no one sees or believes, For she thinks that is the only way, She would remain free and secure, And get an accurate picture of men. Visit ruthspoetry.rahtimes.com/ for more on the Author.

I think I came into being as a very tolerant, forgiving creature. I sincerely hope that the intended lesson was not for me to turn against men. I know that it was for us to be able to, fairly judge them. I knew a lot of scripture, but I did not quite grasp the true meaning until now. I primarily was always willing to over look a lot of human error, but today I perceive things differently. I now see it as their making a decision. In all things, there is right, and there is wrong, but in choosing intimacy, there is no such thing. Men pursue what they are most interested in. It took me 48 years to realize that. There is certainly no sin in choosing another person over me. However, there maybe eternal condemnation for turning one’s back to God and turning to another. It is written that no man seeks after God. For the majority of my life, that was something I did not quite comprehend until now. Even in the case of my daughter, if it were ever looked at. That was another chance being given t